I use not feel this way though. I was "seperating" very good if I do say so myself. I onetime felt I was "using" him. Maybe it was my best detaching??
I use to convince myself that she doesnt really "have" him if he is still getting it from me,but same goes for me I guess.
Another question:
I know what dbrs have said about no contacting OP,but I want to if only to leave her a message (which H will hear I know) of how we are still having sex & of how his kids miss their dad so much, why dont you go & get you a single man?
I know what your all going to say- That this will only backfire. Ow will feel empowered, etc.
So I guess I will just tell her here.
OW-I know you were once introduced to God. I hope you seek HIM again & do right by HIM and leave my H. H loves his children dearly. I know you know how much he loves them. SO, stop tearing up our family and find your self your own.
It is not a good idea for the reasons you mention above, but also because it needs to be your H decision.
He needs to choose to be with you (and just you) because that is what he wants. Not just because OW is not an option at the moment. The problem needs to be fixed with him, not with her. There will always be temptation out there and you can't fight with all of the tempataion - your H is the only one that can do that.
Hold tight. Be strong. Visit one of those adult shops if you know what i mean, wink wink.
Shut off that SOB. I know you have needs, trust me. But you will respect yourself more if you make that move. He is a big fat cake eater. Take the cake away he will have to see what he is missing out on. He may never make the decision if he is getting the best of both worlds.
Sounds tempting to confront the OW, but from we all know that does almost nothing except piss off the WAS.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
BS, chicki, you control you. And you be cool. As waw says, I tend to agree, cut the SOB off -- especially giving how it's making you feel. Go to Target, see if batteries are on sale. Plenty of websites out there if too embarrassed to visit a specialized "boutique."
(and he's not an SOB. Just sounds like he's scared to go to you and scared to stay where he is.) Be strong for you, your girls, and your H.
And, yes, DETACH, DETACH, DETACH
And NO JEALOUSY!!!!! (If you feel the need to mention Jerrod in front of your H again, DON'T -- shall I do this daily for you )
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
chicki, your H needs to let go and go forward with the future. Most R's dont work cause one or the other holds back to the past and always procrastinate.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
Nothing new & exciting to tell.H was gone on busisness trip but managed to call every nite "to talk to the girls".b So since he says he only calls to talk to them .When I see its him I dont answer & hand the phone staright to one of the girls.
Just before he boarded the plane he called, I again gave it to the girls ,but we were all siting so close in the back of my mom's car that I could hear his everyword. The girls didnt know who's house we were going to, so H asked waht we were doing (asks them alot now) & they said they didnt knwo who's house we were at. I am sure that got him wondering. Then he asked to speak w/ me & can hear them calling to board in the backround. H sounded so sad. Said he didnt have a good feeling about this flight. As always he knows I put him in prayer before his flights,but I cant remember the last time he phoned me from the airport. Said it was prolly b/c the bad weather. I made teh call brief and said well I pray for the flight and have fun, gotta go now. He seemed like he wanted to say more as he paused awhile before saying goodbye.
The first night away he sounded jet lagged and said he was going to sleep early. After he spoke w/ the girls and asked one of them if she had slept over at her freinds(as was planned),but plans were canceld. Yeah I didnt GAL whatsoever again this weekend. BUT, I intend next weekend!!H will be in town & I will be in Orlando picking up grandad at airport & then visiting family there. My girls wanted to go see the new movie w/ the Rock-Game Plan,but they want all of us(daddy too) to see it together. I knew he was tired but when he asked to speak w/ me he wouldnt say anything. UGH! I hate the silence over the phone. I feel like we no longer have anything to talk about anymore. So asked about what all he did his first day there. Thats when the convo got going. He went to a motorcycle museum & took tons of pictures. He said how much fun it was to see the old types & so many diff. types. He was going to the Talladega race the next morning (on of his dreams). I told him to enjoy all he can.
Last night I wanted to purposefully not answer his call & since I had to charge the phone anyways(only charger in the car), I left it in the car. I missed his call,but he left a VM said he just left the race (sounded very upbeat, btw). Gave me the stats on who won 7 his fav #8 lost & the Jags won.... I decided not to call back as it 2hours since he called. I missed his call again & this time he left a text saying he called earlier, was eating now & to give his love to the girls. The girls & I were wathcing the movie The World Trade Center (again) & I put them to bed as I finished the movie & became emotional,thinking along the same lines of the movie...if H were to die in a plain crash & I were never to say ILY again.... Sometimes I want to say ILY, but I dont want to pursue.
Actually shortly after the bomb I would say or email ILY & even though he couldnt say it back he said he enjoyed hearing it. I have mix feelings of how he would take it now. I felt it was approriate before he got on the plane to say the words,but I chickened out.
The girls didnt know who's house we were going to, so H asked waht we were doing (asks them alot now) & they said they didnt knwo who's house we were at. I am sure that got him wondering
Quick note: Re: Jealousy. Stop making him jealous, Chicki.
Sounds liek a catch-22 on the ILY. I think he wants to hear it. He's thinking about coming home. You telling him that might push him over the hump toward you. Of course, might not. Anyone else have any thoughts on that one?
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
I feel as though it is OK to slip an ILY every once in a while if the moment seems appropriate and it would come off as sincere with wanting/needing nothing in return. I think it turns into a bad when you are saying it all the time, or saying it to try and get something back from the other person.
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