I don't think there are many men who don't fall into your description. It would be very difficult to stay with a woman who did not have sex with us. Barring a physical ailment or any "worse" in "for better or worse" we have to just accept. However, I don't think just denying sex cuz you don't want to is a valid reason. There would clearly be something else wrong with the R.
So long way of sayong I think the general statement you made is right, at least from the male POV.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
You are wright again in the fact that I need to backoff on the using the jelousy handle. I was also thinking along the same lines. I can see the hurt in his eyes when he thinks there might be someonelse. In the beginning I liked the way he responded b/c it was the only way he was showing me he still cared (as he put it in his own words)"I obviously still care". I suppose its my way of showing him I will not be waiting in the wings forever. Please, Heim remind to stop doing this. I noticed since I last reinforced him that there was no OP, he seems to be a little more relaxed around me. I cant remember what author it was,aslo he's been mentioned here- Homer? who advocates instilling jelousy in the WAS?
WAW1978,
The kleenex- LOL!
CVA,
I do beleive the sexual connection does help a bit H feel loved especially since he doesnt know how to express it verbally.
Its too bad this time around I did feel used. I had not felt like that in along time. I guess b/c I keep hearing him say is coming back but still nothing.
I did let him know that his definition of "dating" is not the same as I know dating. So, lets see if next time he takes me out?
ANYHOO, NOTE TO SELF...why? why? why cant I jsut keep it constant in turning him down? UGH!!
I'm not sure. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to get the vision of where else his **** has been or will be after he leaves. That would give me sufficient strength to say no. I couldn't imagine having sex with my wife and then she leaves to be with someone else.
Quote:
NO ofensive to the men here, but why do some men do this??
Is it the dog in them? I read somewhere that us women have to feel loved and respected BEFORE we have sex & you men need to have sex , in order to feel loved???
I personally couldn't imagine doing what your husband is doing. I wonder if turning him down a time or two makes you more desirable. It would for me. It would be a challenge. Does he withdraw for awhile after sex?
I do think that men in a relationship do want sex to feel loved. But is that what your H is doing? If so, then he's very indiscriminate because he's looking to feel loved by other people besides you. I'm sure he's attracted to you, but I don't know if he wants it to feel loved. He's especially sweet to you on these dinners because he wants sex rather than wanting sex because things are going so well with you....know what I mean? He knows he has to work it a bit or you won't give it up.
Continuing to have sex is up to you. Ask Lisalost if it worked out for her and what did work. She got back together, but from reading her story, he continues to lie and still talks to OW. Is that what you want? Get back together but once the sex gets boring he's off wooing the OW again for a quickie in the kitchen? I would want him back on your terms, not on his. If you are willing to accept this piece of tail on the side role now, if you're ever back together, don't get all up in arms if he cheats on you. You make him feel like God's gift to women.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I personally would give it a 95/5% chance that if you turn him down, he will be drawn closer to you (95% chance that will happen).
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
I personally would give it a 95/5% chance that if you turn him down, he will be drawn closer to you (95% chance that will happen)
I agree with this. Don't know what the odds are, but I agree with increasing your odds. If you have a nice dinner like you described, but make it clear that you can't be sexual with him unless he's all yours, I think he'll try even harder. At some point you have to ask yourself, "is this enough for me being the woman on the side?" If the answer becomes "No", then it might be necessary, for your own self-esteem, to discontinue even the dates. But, you have to do what's right for you.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Should I tell him how having casual sex will not cut it for me anymore? Should I let him know it makes me feel used and more alone afterwards?
I use to be able to seperate my feelings really good for a good while whenever we had sex,but this last time, I couldnt. I use to look at it as "jsut sex" & well, I am still his wife & also to keep me from falling into "temptations" since I do have a high sex drive.
If it were me, I wouldn't be able to get the vision of where else his **** has been or will be after he leaves. That would give me sufficient strength to say no. I couldn't imagine having sex with my wife and then she leaves to be with someone else.