Where to start....

[JWsGrl]

I have gained so much from just reading all the other poster's threads on here. Some a-ha moments, some food for thought, and some things that make me feel confused - but overall I keep coming back and finding more gems of wisdom. I have only made a few short comments on threads that I really felt compelled by, but I haven't introduced myself or joined in beyond the edges.

Bear with me, since my head injury I sometimes have trouble getting my thoughts out in a coherent manner without going on and on with unnecessary details...

So where to begin - I guess to start off with, I don't fit what a lot of posters here would truly call a sex STARVED marriage to the true meaning of that phrase. Yet according to Michelle's book and other references, it is to me. We do have sex at least once a week, sometimes two or three. I am a HDW, he is a LDH. Our SL at this point is pretty much totally dictated by him, and although it is not totally crap sex, it is not very fulfilling either in frequency or duration. You know the excuses, he is tired, he has a stressful job, there is a tv show on that he just HAS to watch (even if it is a rerun). OH and the best one - "ya know it makes it better when you wait a while in between." Uh huh, riiiighhhttt... I will also add that it was an issue put on the table early in our relationship and revisited numerous times, and I have heard all the promises to try harder, that it isn't me it's him, that most men are jealous of what he has, yada yada, ad nauseum...

I also know that since I am the one feeling that things need improving that I am the one that needs to make changes - to myself, to my reactions, or whatever/however...

So some personal details,
Stats:
Me - 49
H - will be 49 in October.
Me - second marriage (first one lasted 26 years)
Him - third marriage (first was super young and lasted less than a year, his last marriage was for 17 years)
Me - 2 sons ages 23 and 26
Him - Two ex-stepdaughters ages 28 and 30, one ex stepgranddaughter age 11, that he "thinks of as his"
We were married last November 20, and will have been together 3 years in October.

I will put a more in-depth introduction on the newcomers board for any that are interested in reading it. Just wanted to get the intro up so everyone knew who they were talking to when/?IF I jump into any future threads....

[Imconfused0807]

Welcome aboard Sorry to find you on this board

[OG_Lou]

We do have sex at least once a week, sometimes two or three. I am a HDW, he is a LDH. Our SL at this point is pretty much totally dictated by him, and although it is not totally crap sex, it is not very fulfilling either in frequency or duration.

That sounds like a lot of sex and I do understand your position, it isn't meeting your needs/desires.

I had a dry summer=almost no sex.

I did read your post on newcommers. Sounds like too many X's and relatives around to muddy your new R.

No advice from me but others will post so stick around.

[JWsGrl]

Thanks for the welcome, and YES, definitely a LOT of baggage and a lot of scars. Add in a high stress job in a person who has trouble setting boundaries and is a bigtime avoider. Then there is me trying to figure out how to be assertive without being demanding. He once told me that I am intimidating. LOL... This relationship has been a real growth process for both of us....