chicki's drama 4 h moved back, but for THIS?

[MissingMyHoney]

What race is the OW? What attracted OW to H than you? You gave some good facts and let me give you the way I feel.

I would like my W to loose some weight, thats a would like but I am happy the way she is. I always tell her so. To lift up her spirits, I always compliment her. I would like for her to wear dresses and more of an office dressing style, but she doesnt.

Most of us 'would like this and that' but we never settle for the 'would likes.' We work with what we have or is about to loose.

[waw1978]

Hey Chicki

Didn't want to hijack CVA's thread. I am hanging in here. H has taken off rings, thrown in the towel and is now actively out there looking for dates. I found this incredibly strange since he never wanted a physical relationship with me. Wondering how this will work out with someone else? Can't imagine they would stick around too long.

Anyway. I am just treading water. Continuing with my IC. Hoping H will go back to MC. We have experienced role reversal. I was the WAW because of his issues but now he doesn't really want me back and is moving on. I still want to work on the my so I think I have become an LBS of sorts. Anyway giving it some time. Focusing on me. Trying to get out there an GAL. Been turning down dates and what not. Trying to keep things very casual with men. But once they figure out no dating etc seem to lose interest. Been connecting with old friends since there isn't any expectations.

I am looking forward to getting some in the future though!

[chicki]

Journaling:

I am thinking that these past weeks while H was coming around more that maybe his R was falling out a bit. Then when he moved abck it started full blast again!! Its like she saw she can lose him, knowing her she was prolly pressuring him again to D me.

H returned from trip,but I knew he was going to go back to her place. Heck she prolly had him leave his car at her place to make sure of it.

So, again the poor girls will be disappointed when he moves all his stuff back out.

Oh, well Im leaving it all to God. I can only ask HE save his soul AND OW soul too, for this will be the only way he can be a new man and turn his life around.

[waw1978]

This sucks for your girls. IMO you need to put your foot done on their behalf. Either he comes back, for good. Or its over. This revolving door of his is damaging your children.

Thats just my 2 cents. I know you love your H and want things to work but at some point we all have to and should put the children first. They are the ones who will really suffer in the end.

[chicki]

Yes. That is why I texted him yesturday before he left to return from his trip. All this weekend hes been avoiding me, so texting is the only way to communicate. I let him know this is it, do not expect a third chance after this second chance Ive given him. I told him I wanted him to stay thru the holidays & try it out until then.

Yesturday ( I didnt know if I did good or bad), but I told the girls how the OW really is not a nice person b/c she is trying to take our daddy away. D7 said she has plenty of freinds w/ step moms. I explained thats fine but in order for that to happed w/ us, daddy & mommy will have to D. I asked them all what they thought & they said no that isnt what they wanted. D7 had not grasped the concept of step moms & D.

[PMA_Baby!]

I agree. It's not fair to play games w the kids. He needs to realize it's not just about him. Why are the WAS's so selfish? Like we know exactly what we want to.

Broken

[Heimlich]

Chicki,
CVA asked you yesterday what it was about you that H was attracted to. Like you said, you don't stay around for 10 years just because. You never really answered, but did say that he was attracted to your independence.

Well, show that to him again. You keep saying there's no third chance, yet you keep texting him, which is almost like an invite back.

From what I can tell from your postings, you are a kind, attractive woman. Willing to please your man in bed. A good mother who cares for her children and with a wealth of patience and forgiveness. I'm sure he was attracted to those qualities as well.

Let him go. Sounds like he's scared and unsure of himself. From what you write, it does sound like he cares for you, but doesn't know how to open up to you again. I don't know how/if you can break through to him while he's wrapped up with the OW.

For your girls, as everyone says, he can't keep yo-yoing between you and OW by moving his stuff in and then back out. That's so selfish on his part and hurtful to your children that words can't express the disgust I feel at someone who would do that. You deserve to be treated better than that and your children deserve to be treated better than that.

BD

[chicki]

Heim,

Thank you, I so needed to hear those gentle, kind words today. My PMA is very low.

Yes that text of him having no 3rd chance was my last text to him. I have not called or texted anything more.

The thing is I have shown him for the past 6 months hes been away that I can handle three girls, the house & everything else all by myself.

Today I am dreading coming home for fear that all his stuff will be gone. I have read other threads where the H comes back in & out and honestly I dont know how these women do it.

TO ALL WHO ARE BELIEVERS:
Sunday night I went for the first time to my moms sunday night service at her church where only afew gather, but have strong prayer services. My mom was asked to give a testimony that included part of my story. I did not know it was going to be a full service of testimonies.

One Sunday visited my moms church I went to the alter & let it all out to HIM, weeping, but feeling good all over in HIS presence. That day one of the elders was also at the altar & told my mom as she walked past him (while he was praying & not lifting his head to see who it was) that God has a message to her that her daughter was going to be freed. when she told me that message I did not understand if it meant freed from my H or what. I understand now it was to be freed from the enemy b/c I had backslid so much until this bomb brought me back.

As my mother was telling her testimony she asked I too talk upfront.Thats when the elder man said before my mom had walked past him he had looked up at me praying & saw a cloud of white bright light over me! I told of how God has filled me w/ great peace & strength. Without that I wuld not be able to get up every morning, full of his joy and thankfulness & prolly be majorily depressed.
After I talked another woman said that my testimony gave her hope for she was going thru the same.

[MissingMyHoney]

chicki, I can understand how you feel. I am so sorry for you. You are trying but that is the problem when there is a physical affair going on it makes it much tougher to make ammends. What is it that this OW has over you?

I havent been to church in 2 weeks since I have been busy with moving and stuff but I can relate to your situation. I gave myself to God to understand what drives me to do things I did to my W and I asked HIM for forgiveness. After all that guilt was lifted, my spirits lifted up so much. Now, I am a different person and W is coming back to me.

Why cant your H go to church? Do this, invite your H to church, dont compel him to do this just invite him.

[chicki]

BIG UPDATE

It was all about R talk last night. I wasnt sure if he was coming since last night was his regular visit night.I was trying to pyche myself up b/c after all the intense text messaging from me this past weekend to H while he was out of town, I just knew that hes being away & alone somethings must of gotten thru to him somehow. So, I was trying to pysche myself up in order not to let my big mouth get in the way incase he did come by. I knew if he came he wouldnt stay so I had no expectations therefore I wouldnt be disapointed.

The girls and I had finished dinner when in he came. In the kitchen bar I had two family portraits that I had taken down 5 months ago & I was going to put them back up this past weekend,but D6 had broken the glass on one of them. H noticed it & asked what happend. My big (sarcastic) mouth got in the way! After I explained what D6 had done, w/ a smile I said well I looked at it this way its broken just like our M is broken. He gave me a smirk & the bird. Then I thought to myself, God Chicki can you just ever shut up! Thinking I had blown it already I tried to recup by the acting as if and in a good mood. He asked where is the food, Im hungry? I said I didnt think you were coming? He gave me a look like,(?) OK, I deserve that. I continued w/ my big mouth for I didnt want to show how he hurt me, so I told him well, I know your not staying very long so you can eat over there when you leave. He looked down and said yeah,ok I'll do that.

After he spent a few minutes w/ the girls, he laid down beside me on my bed. He attempted to kiss me, but I automatically backed off without thinking about it. A part of me wanted to ML, but the other half jsut couldnt do it. I let him give me several pecks after. Then we laid there in silence. He gave me another intense passionate kiss & returned it. We kissed for a while. We then were making out & he asked that I shut the door as he was trying to take my clothes off. I said no. He pulled me on top of him to grind me agianst him, but I still felt NOTHING. Maybe I was too hurt? How can do this , I thought to myself? How can he expect me to perform after what he did just days ago? He told the girls NO MORE OW, he moved all his stuff in only to leave again. I got off from on top of him and laid next ot him. I turned away from him and he wraped his arm around me.

I told him "what do you think this is? Do you think you can the best of both worlds? It doesnt work that way.

I wanted to get R talk going so badly. I wanted to know what his plans are now that his stuff was back in the house. I wanted to know if I was going to come home one day only to find his stuff gone again. So, I iniated the R convo in nonchalant kind of way. I pointed to the drawers & told him I had put his clothes away in those drawers on Friday before I knew he was not returning. Why did you do that, he said? I didnt know you werent coming back.

M- so when are you moving all your stuff back out?

H- never

M- huh?

H- look I moving back just not yet.

M- so let me see if I get this right. Your plans are to get your clothes & things little by little as you need them?

H- no.

M- what is you want me to do? you want me to continue waitng forever? You know just like you found someone better than me, can do the same. Every can always find someone better the last, IF your looking for it. My freinds try to set me up all the time. They dont understand why I am putting up w/ this.

H- I am not stupid I know your not waiting.(insuating I am seeing OP)

M- You really dont know me do you?So what do you think your doing? Are you using our house as storage while continuing to live w/ her? Its been six months.

H- Yes & it took me six months to move evryting out. I didnt take it all & move out at once.
<true, I insisted for him to take all his stuff. He never wanted to take all his clothes. I took all his stuff out of our bathroom.>
H- So, I have all my stuff back now & I plan on leaving it all here. I was not gonna move back in all at once the same day. I know I need to move back, but I am so afraid things will go back the way it was. The arguing & now the mistrust. I am really afraid.

M- I understand & I dont want to sit here and TELL you how I have grown & changed. I want to show you,but you will have to take a chance on us to see. I no longer want to argue over nonsense. Life is too short and I dont want to keep wasting any more time or energy on that.

H- I am not happy.
M- I know you love her very much. SO why do you think your not happy?
H- I dont know.
M- You said to me before that your willing to make it work w/ her. Why cant you do that w/ us?
H- I m not gonna make it work w/ her.

I lot more was said. Basically he said that maybe on the weekend when I have to go to Orlando (10/13) he would prolly move back. But he said I dont want to get your hopes up either.

As he was opening the door to leave,he had such a sad look that I perked my lips at him as to say hey kiss me goodbye. I gave him a kiss. He said "you lucked out tonight, you didnt get any sex." I just smiled.

Any thoughts anyone??