I see your point however I did subsequently apologize to fig on a later thread. You know me, man. I don't give two hoots about people slamming me. I can take it. I apologized to fig publicly because I dissed her publicly and later, all by myself, I came to feel that I had been wrong. Simply put, I owed it to her.
Your reply tells me that I haven't been clear. The AmyC / Lissie / Fig 'situation' is ancient history and has no meaning to me. Once again: My comments aren't about 'amyc' or 'fig' or 'lissie' or anybody. I'm not defending nor attacking anybody.
We're past that now. So let's everyone please put their egos on hold and think about this:
Quote:
Do we sometimes find ourselves obsessing about someones situation? Do we sometimes put someone on a pedestal so we can cheer for them and forget our own difficult lives? Is that healthy for us?
And, I'm going to add this since it came to mind:
Quote:
Is it healthy for the person we admire, who is also in the same situation we're in RIGHT NOW, to be put under pressure to 'live up' to our expectations?
Could this kind of 'projection' have had an effect on our marriages also? Did we 'defend vigorously' our positions or ideas, even when there may not have actually been a threat?
I'm looking for some serious feedback here.
Ian? Amy? Annie? Don't you sometimes fell pressured when you hear "Oh you are so great! You're the master DB'er!" or any other over the top praise?
I know I do.
Everyone else, don't you sometimes think that you KNOW what is going on in someones sitch, and if someone says otherwise, well, you're going to have to 'straighten them out'? Then later you find out you were mistaken?
I know that sometimes I do.
Every one of you who are reading this, ask your self these questions. Are you putting a lot of weight on the success or failure of someones marriage as a way to 'live vicariously' through their drama? Maybe if they win, you'll win too? Or maybe if they FAIL, your failure wouldn't mean so much - to you?
I know that there are a few people here who I follow too closely, and I have an emotional 'investment' in the outcome. What about you?
This board is a place where we can look at ourselves, we can examine our lives and our relationships, and hopefully LEARN something about how we manage relationships.
So please, put your egos aside for a moment and think about what I've just said. Look inside and see if there's anything in my words that applies to your life.
Frank - with apologies to BA for any dredging. This is not in resonse to this post, but your previous ones
Actually I suggested a thread for LIssie - not to put her on any pedestal, but because I knew for a whole raft of reasons that she was finding it difficult to post, but could still visit the boards.
I just wanted to tell her publicly how much she had meant to so many people at a time when, due to cirucmstances beyond her control, her self esteem was not always good.
It was never meant to go overboard or 'gush', Just an act of friendship and tribute to someone very special, who was being really slammed by life.
I hope this doesn't sound overly defensive. The Amy Fig thing is something else, as we now know [and I am NOT going down that cheeseless tunnel].
Do I regret making the suggestion - no. Would I suggest it again, probably not. I am not sure it has done Lissie much good, which was my only intention.
Sorry Lissie for being the cause of any unintentional pain.
Nearly all of the people who post here are well intentioned, if at times a little hot headed [and I count myself in here!] Most of us are still a little crazy and in recovery. Most of us probably wouldn't be posting if we had finally sorted things.
OK there are some exceptions to this, who genuinely come here, like SNodderly, to help and support. But you guys know what I mean.
So, another plea for kindness and circumspection towards each other. We are hurting to some extent still. Let's disagree, but not beat each other up, please!
Hi Lissie, I have been thinking about you a lot....my H is turning into a bit of a spewer I think - times are getting harder. I hope you and your little angels are doing well ! I miss you.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Frank, actually I tend to question anyone who would consider me a master DBer, or anyone else for that matter.
That to me just seems odd.
Fact is though, I don't think anyone was calling Lissie a master DBer, in fact I think she would be the first to tell you she isn't.
Angelica, First of all let me apologize for my use of the term bible thumper on AT's thread. I did not mean to offend and should have been more considerate. Everyone has different paths and using a derogatory term for some folks paths was very distastful and rude on my part so I am sorry for that.
As far as this thread being your idea, kudos to you. Under the circumstances and where Lissie was at when you put this idea in place, I think it was a good thing. Reality is Lissie has touched many lives on these boards and I believe it is perfectly acceptable to express that.
Ian, that is so nice of you: I do realise that expressions of religious belief are problematic for people who do not share them. My beliefs are important, but I would try only to share them with people who are interested, not ram them down others' throats. I hope so anyway.
I suspect that most of the people on these boards have a strong moral code, whether or not it originates or is reinforced with their private religious beliefs. And mostly it is that which they are defending. For most people here their faith is a comfort, not a stick to beat others with. If it becomes that then it is not acceptable to me either.
