So W was out till 5:30. She came home and kissed me on the cheek and hugged me in bed. She asked if I wanted to go to breakfast.
I've screwed it up big time.
On the way to breakfast, I told her that I was thinking her moving out would be a good thing. I'm hung up on her and she's not interested in me. I need to let her go and that us being apart would be the best thing. I could tell it wasn't what she wanted to hear.
We argued throughout breakfast and I've been in a pissy mood all day. Should've just went somewhere, but she decided it would be better for her to go watch the game with a "friend" rather than her family.. more importantly, her 2 D's.
I also noticed her ring was missing, but she had her other ring on. She dismissed it and said she took it off this morning at home. While doing laundry etc, I went to look for it and it was nowhere to be found.
I mentioned that I couldn't find it and that it was probably in her purse.. she tried to sneak her purse upstairs, but I asked her to look for it in front of me because I wanted to know.
Whatever... she went upstairs and put it into a container that I had just looked in.
I confronted her about the lying. I honestly would've been better off if she had just said she wasn't wearing it. I cannot stand being lied to.
I blew up... really needed her to tell me whether or not she was going to wear her ring or not. She left wearing it, but why? If you're going to take it off while you're out, why bother?
Nugget... I need help man.. what were those anger books you recommended?
jarhead, don't focus on what you think you may have did wrong. Just learn from it and try to not repeat it in the future.
I really do suggest you get control of your anger. Or at least begin to understand what anger is and how it controls how you act or react. For me just learning more about what anger is, has helped and changed how I handle it greatly. Once you begin to understand it and learn that it does not control you, you ultimately control it, everything else seems to start to fall into place.
There are several books on anger management. Drop by your local book store and browse through the self help section. One that I just finished that has helped me a ton is "Beyond Anger" 'a guide for men'. Another one I reading is "The Ultimate Guide To Transforming Anger".
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Thanks nugget. I honestly feel that these episodes are furthering our R. She was at a friends watching the game, and she was texting me the whole time.
Not sure where this ends up, but it's been a roller coaster!!
So last night we told the D's. They are so cute... didn't even register with them. I hope they make it through this OK. Drove by the Apt and showed them.
Not much else to speak of... just trying to be nice to each other.
Odd day today... The morning started out with her asking me to bring some stuff into school for the girls etc. No big deal at exchange. I didn't stop by on my way to say bye to her. Left her alone all day. She texted me saying she needed to stay after school tonight to finish a "project". I responded with "That's fine" even though I think she's lying threw her teeth.
She responded with "Are sure - not mad?" to which I responded "Nope I figured you would" and she asked what I meant by that. I responded basically saying she mentioned it last week. And she responded "Oh thought you were mad again" I responded "No. I'm not getting mad anymore" She wanted to call me later... she called and was freaking out.. Like I didn't care or I was quitting. She was even freaking out about me taking the kids away from her. She said she had good info that I wanted to do that. I was baffled.. I didn't antogonize her, but I'm curious what she thinks she's done to warrant that. Kind of scary. Got home and she gave me a hug.. said she wanted to be best friends no matter what. She even wanted to kiss me on the cheek when we are out. I asked for one to which she obliged.
This is very odd... I get what she is doing. She's stringing me along so I'll hang out while she figures out what she's going to do. What a crap situation.
Jar, I giggled at your post, not because I found it silly, but just out of disbelief about her reactions to you and your responses. Great job on the anger comment and also on not getting angry.
Originally Posted By: jarhead
Is it worth it?
Sometimes you would give anything to make it work and others you just wonder. Either way, I bet you feel like me and know that at least the changes we are making for ourselves is definitely worth it.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Yeah... so last night it was like being in that song.. ."2 steps forward.. 3 steps back"
She said she would call me between class and when she was studying. At 11:40, I texted her and asked if she was OK. She responded saying she was and she was on her way home.
I left a note on the door:"Gorgeous, Hope your studying went well and that you got your project done. Sweet Dreams J"
She came up and just woke me up (no kiss on the cheek). I asked if she got everything done etc and she said she had. I said good and rolled over. She asked what was wrong, and I told her that I was concerned about her. She said thank you and thanks for understanding and went to bed.
Must've been a good evening I guess.
Found another good book... "Good Husband, Great Marriage". Not sure I agree 100% with what the guy is saying, but it follows the basic principles of everything else (make the changes in yourself, etc)I've read and heard.
I can say a few things now:
1. I appreciate what I have done to steer my marriage in the wrong direction. 2. I know have thoughts and ideas of how to treat a woman that I never have had before. 3. I have an anger issue that I believe I can control. 4. I'm a better person today than I was 2 weeks ago. 5. Whether or not my W wants to work this out, I will be a better man, father and husband for someone.
OK... so we had our "dropping D off at school" conversation today. She calls me either on the way or after. She tells me that she feels bad about not spending time with D because she was on the phone. She begins to tell me about OM and his divorce and how his kid is in trouble at school... blah blah blah. Basically, OM wants W to "talk" with his ex. He wants them to meet tonight. She was reaching for me to do or say something. She finally asked what I thought, and I told her that it wasn't my place. She didn't like that answer, and I asked what she was asking for... she didn't need my permission. To which she responded "No... I'm not asking for your permission,.. well I guess I am."
Now... I've been reading anger books etc, and I had to diffuse this one.
I asked her if I could be honest with her. I told her that I do not like OM and really don't like their R.. even if it is just friends. I would prefer to not hear about OM and what he has going on as it makes me angry and I don't want to be angry anymore. I was amazed at how calm I remained on the situation. She was not a calm and happy camper. She asked if she should just lie to me then. I responded that right now I have some trust issues with her. She asked what I meant by that. I told her that due to some of the recent issues that have gone on, I have some trust issues with her.
Well... she basically said that we were done and that I ruined any hope for getting back together.
We talked a little more about it (how she had lied to me.. she couldn't remember) and she then hung up on me.
I called her back to ask if she hung up on me and she said "Yes" I told her I'd let her go and talk to her later.
