Quote: your H did not have to take your sarcasm for his forgetfulness.
I was not sacarstic in any way shape or form in regard to his forgetting...he didn't forget...simply forgot what day tommorow is...that can happen...I simply said...it's not tommorow it's wednesday...he was the one to say..doh! and then continue with the fact that he would have realized tommorow when checking his schedule anyway.
you do point out a lot of things that I need to think about...am I expecting too much??? I don't think so.
Quoting lostlove:am I expecting too much??? I don't think so.
Well, I don't think so, honestly. You deserve a fulfilling, nurturing R with a H that is loving and expressive. But is it a realistic expectation for HIM to be like that right at this moment? Or even two weeks from now? Two months from now?
I don't know the answer to that. Many would just decide to give up, as it is indeed a very hard task for your H become the way you say you want. That is why we have WAW. But is it really the answer to D and find the next guy that is so much like in your dream for the rest of the lives, while providing, plowing, wood-chopping, loving and caring for you and your kids within the next two months? I am sure you will get lots of coffee for sure, as we all know LL is an attractive woman in the bookstore. You will definitely meet lots of good and sensitive men's attention. But for a R for the rest of the lives without ups and downs? I am a bit skeptical. Not to mention that your now H is the father of your kids, and you do love him.
So I guess that it is not the expectations themselves need adjustments: you deserve every right to be loved and cared in the way you want. But just in terms of setting realistic goals in your R in a reasonable time frame in the way you get it, that is something to think about.
Quote: But for a R for the rest of the lives without ups and downs?
no r is perfect this I know...I expect there to be ups and downs...I expect there to be good days and bad...I after all wasn't happy with the way our r was going but I didn't leave did I? I didn't seek out another did I? I didn't walk away did I? no because I know that with a little understanding and effort peace within a r can be found..I know that it is not all about me nor is it all about him...h is the one who apparently expects perfection or actually doesn't know what he expects.
yes h did finally say " look LL, I'm committed to trying to make this work" just wish he could have chosen a different tone to use...I didn't expect a song and dance routine..but perhaps something a tad warmer...not like ok I'll go to the dentist...
so last night I did go back and sit on the couch...it was ok...I think we were both a tad uncomfortable.
went up to sleep and cuddled it was nice..but when I woke this am h was way over on his side...this always bothers me and I suppose it shouldn't ...maybe his back just hurt or whatever...maybe it had nothing to do with me or "us"
this am was a tad..shaky...son woke and was whiney calling for daddy...when I got up to go be with him...he cried more..wanting daddy...this frustrated daddy..but he did get up...h was loving as usual to the kiddos...throwing out the ily's and the kisses and hugs or simply messing up dd's hair. but distant from me.
eventually I said...I don't know what I should do about today...h said well it's not gonna be as cold so maybe you can go outside...I said no I have my appointment today...h aksed what time..and if my mother would be watching the kids...took h a few to realize what appointment I was refering to.
h said well you can go and get whatever info you need..I said well it just seems that if you are commited to trying to make this work..my seeing a lawyer at this time isn't needed...h said well no not really not now.
so I am still at a loss...h's words..actions..tone etc...do not convince me that he is committed...I do not know if I should go talk to the lawyer...I mean really what harm can come of it..with the execption of pressure to persue so as not to get trapped in the whole ugly divorce bit where people start moving money around and hiding things trying to get out of paying what is due...
I don't see that my h would do that...especially being so concerend with doing the "right" thing. he will always give the children more than is needed..and as long as I am at home caring for them I will be provided for as well...that will change once I work...I will be expected to pay for things..(what an incentive to go to work huh?)
anyway...I am at a loss...I don't know what to do...keep the current appointment or simply call and postpone it??
I really wish that life didn't get so complicated...if these issues had been addressed before ow...before h's leaving and asking for a d...it would be alot easier to handle...
I say kiss & make up and quit analyzing. It's a decision,
a choice to love....maybe he just needs time...maybe you could just put all his needs first...just for a week or so....experiment! You are beautiful & wise...not a 1950 lady then be a 2003 lady the man you want & love is with YOU! He just needs you to show him the way.......or not.
But I think you can do it.....live,laugh & love
Okay, I'll shut up now my laundry eeek!!!!
Kip
P.S. Tony I like the 5 languages book, I also picked up Romancing your Husband....
"Those who don't read, have no
advantage over those who can't"
Mark Twain
Quote: anyway...I am at a loss...I don't know what to do...keep the current appointment or simply call and postpone it??
Well, you know the lawyer will be there today, tomorrow, and next week. Do you think it would have the most impact to say to your H, "I see that you are making some changes and really trying...somthing I've wanted for so long...so, I decided to postpone seeing the lawyer to see where we can go from here."
He is trying. Maybe acknowledging the fact that he's working on things might make him rest a little easier... It's all about validation, right?
Quote: He is trying. Maybe acknowledging the fact that he's working on things might make him rest a little easier... It's all about validation, right?
h said well you can go and get whatever info you need..I said well it just seems that if you are commited to trying to make this work..my seeing a lawyer at this time isn't needed...h said well no not really not now.
Quote: Just a thought. I never thought H would not stand up and accept his responsibilites. You never know when an alien being is around.
Protect yourself if you think this is what is in your best interest
the two little people that live in this house are his responsiblitly and he would never do anything to jepordize them...so as long as I am their mother and taking care of them he will do nothing to jepordize me...he wouldn't be able to live that way and his family would not let him either.
honestly I could and would be happy in a little house with a little yard with my kids and I know that at least even worst case scenario that is what I would have.
h will only get ugly if I do...when h was full tilt "alien" he still was going to give me MORE than what the law dictated he should.
KIP,
It,s good to know that you are paying attention to LL's posts. My WAW picked up the book called "Romancing the Other Guy, and Forgetting You Have A Husband"
Quote: LL aren't you and H supposed to meet with C today?
h is going to meet my c by himself...then maybe another appointment by himself...then maybe the two of us together...
I wish I had an appointment for myself too...I am really nervous about him going...not for what my c will tell him but I do wish I could be a fly on the wall to hear what h has to say.
I hope he is comfortable with him...and that he comes home with an appointment scheduled for us. but I will not expect one.
