My gut says Sunday night is too close to D-day, and that when you ask her on the phone to meet if she says she can't to go ahead and do it then on the phone. When you ask her to swing by your house for a few minutes so you can talk, you might also offer to meet her some where if it is more convenient for her.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Okay guys, I just talked to her and she was in the parking lot just getting off work. She said that she could meet me at the house, but she was going to go to her place first and then head out. The convo went like this (I had previous left her a VM and she called me back):
Me: "Hello." W: "Hey." Me: "Hey, what's up?" W: "I just got off work." Me: "Yeah, I figured it was probably about that time. Are you on your way to get the kids?" W: "Not yet. I'm still in the parking lot. I just got off." Me: "Oh, okay. (pause) Well, I was wondering if on your way to get them you could either stop by the house for a few minutes or meet me somewhere that is more convenient for you." W: "Oookay...what for?" (this was actually said kind of pleasantly) Me: "I just want to talk to you about a few things." W: (pause) "Okay, I guess I can just meet you at the house. Are you wanting the kids tonight?" Me: "No. I'll still take them tomorrow." W: "Okay." Me: "All right, so I'll see you in a little bit." W: "Okay." Me: "Bye." W: "Bye."
I'M SO FRICKIN' NERVOUS I'M SHAKING!!!! I'm thinking it could've been a much worse conversation, and the fact that she is okay coming out to the house to talk for a few minutes about something that I obviously didn't want to discuss on the phone can't be all that bad, right?
I'm not religious, but if you read this post within the next half an hour, PLEASE pray for me! I'm so scared this is going to not work out, and I'm suddenly deathly afraid of the rejection yet again.
You can do this GD. Nothing to be scared of and you know it. No matter whatshe says or does in response, it's good for you and your sitch. Really. Can only be positive because if she delays, well that's obvious, and if she doesn't well you've gotten your message across, you've watered those seeds of doubt, and you have had yet another chance to show her the new you.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Still more being offered up & coming your way, N. You deserve only good things. [[[GD]]] j.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
Well, I was adamantly shot down folks. She said that she needs to move on, no doubt about it. No postponement, no Legal Separation. Nothing. She wants this D done and out of the way ASAP. She even seemed a little annoyed that I brought it up again. She did cry some, but I don't think it had anything to do with feelings for me.
I kept a PMA and remained positive and confident, and told her that it was okay and that I wouldn't stand in her way or bring this up ever again. I said that I respected her decision, and apologized for not respecting her choices or needs in the past. We talked about a few things and I agreed to help her on some issues. She didn't seem real remorseful, but did seem to still feel guilty. However, feeling guilty does us LBSs little good in the purest sense. It isn't what we want from our WASs, is it? At least, it isn't what we want them to come back for.
Anyway, too sad to type anymore right now. I feel like I'm back to square one and feeling rather hopeless and powerless. It is the rejection that does this, I think. Knowing that my W doesn't think of me as worth the effort, or knowing that I made her so sad and hurt her so much over the years that she has no more feelings for me. Also, knowing that for the most part, I myself brought this down upon me. I am my own undoing. This knowledge is also one of the most painful realizations to deal with.
Geez I'm a pathetic ass! I'm going to take a drive and try to get my sh!t together before dance tonight. At least that will help me get out of this funk.
Thanks for your support everyone -- it has meant the world to me!
