GD's Dilemma, 4

[stillme]

{{{GD}}}

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You, I'm sure, did awsomely and W, I'm sure, knows this. We've said this b/f: You have made such a huge change (180!) since you started posting and are obviously (even to W!) a much better person at this point - and happier, too - that you are truly a desirable man to be around. Even your acceptance of W's rejection this eve is astounding (o/c not to us who really know you, but to her - yes!)

So, can I just disagree w/a few things you just said? You are NOT at Square One! You have worked your tail off for months, and are living proof of your hard work. You may be FEELING hopeless & powerless, but dammit you are BURSTING w/those things! Hope & Power! You may not be able to see it right now, but I (and the reset of us who've been priviledged to be in on your journey) can! You have learned so much, and implemented such great changes in your life, I am proud FOR you. Even your empathizing & understanding of what brings W to her stand is truly wonderful.

Finally, you are NEITHER pathetic nor an azz (sorry, still can't type that the real way). You are a hurting friend, and we are all hurting for you. I said it before and (o/c) still mean it: You deserve only good things, N; and I believe w/all my heart that they will come to you. Your story has not yet ended.

Peace & more hugs being sent your way,
j
(and remember our pinkie promise)

[SuperDad]

GD,
First of all, you are my hero. Your fearlessness in the face of likely (and actual) rejection is an inspiration. Some additional points:

1. You do not yet know the impact that this talk will/is having on W. There are still 7 days for her to think this over.

2. You are NOT pathetic. You are a man who has looked at himself in the mirror (and looked hard) and made the changes that will serve yourself well for the next phases of your life. The fact that you had the courage to have this talk and accept her response without anger or blame speaks volumes.

3. Even if you go through with the big D, it is up to you to decide if you will continue to work towards a new R with W. Until she remarries a new R between you and your W is possible. In the case of my neighbor, his Ex returned 2 years after re-marrying. Of course, he had already moved on and slammed the door in her face. But that is the choice we all must eventually make.

Have a good time dancin' and focus on you and your kids.

SD

[SunnySeason]

AWWWHHH GD,

I'm hurting right along with you. Whenever I talk to Nomo, Still & others here, we all agree that you have made the most of the journey. And in such a short time.

It seems that it's the beginning for you & the world is definitely your oyster.

You took a chance...you did something that requires huge B*lls & courage. Not many people put themselves out there like that!!

I told Still & Nomo the other night, that I really do think finding this place was one of the best things to happen to me on so many levels, whether I stay married to my H or not. Huge growth experience, & enormous support. Priceless.

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."

I always think of you when I read that.

(((((GD)))))

Sunny

[ItsKat]

(((GD)))

I am sorry too and echo everything that Still said. You may feel like you are at square one, but really, you are very far from it. The way that you responded to W's answer to your request clearly shows that. The degree to which you are so much more aware of yourself and the person you need to be shows that. Even the fact that four months ago, you were uncomfortable stepping on a dance floor and now you can go out there and mop the floor with everyone else (and should have won that medal!) shows how incredibly far you have come.

Take care and dance your little heart out tonight.

[alk24]

I know I'm new, but I just wanted to say that the fact that you were willing to do all this makes you a wonderful person.

I wish you peace.

M-

[Nomopo]

Awww GD. Dammit. We both knew it was a long shot, but it is still hard to take. I so echo what everybody else said. I want to reiterate some of it.

no doubt about it. No postponement, no Legal Separation. Nothing. She wants this D done and out of the way ASAP.

First off, you said yourself she might need a lcean slate/break, so that is as likely as anything what this is about. But I would bet everything I own and have that she has some doubt. There is just no way there wasn't some doubt. And that is why SuperDad's point about the seven days to think about it was excellent. It is still remote, but stranger things have happened.

She even seemed a little annoyed that I brought it up again.

Of course she did. She wanted it to be painless for her. And for you.

She did cry some, but I don't think it had anything to do with feelings for me.

I don't know. I htink she cares about you as a person if nothing more.

I kept a PMA and remained positive and confident, and told her that it was okay and that I wouldn't stand in her way or bring this up ever again. I said that I respected her decision, and apologized for not respecting her choices or needs in the past. We talked about a few things and I agreed to help her on some issues.

This is UNBELIEVABLY inspirational. Really. Thank you. I have learned so much for you.

Will you marry me? I have a number of unmet needs.

Anyway, too sad to type anymore right now. I feel like I'm back to square one and feeling rather hopeless and powerless. It is the rejection that does this, I think. Knowing that my W doesn't think of me as worth the effort, or knowing that I made her so sad and hurt her so much over the years that she has no more feelings for me. Also, knowing that for the most part, I myself brought this down upon me. I am my own undoing. This knowledge is also one of the most painful realizations to deal with.

Ok, I understand it all. Allow yourself to feel this way, for a little while, then I want you to acknowledge your efforts and accomplishments. They are TREMENDOUS, and I respect you for both as much as anyone I have ever met. And I am not overstating that at all. You are an incredible person. And I am honored to call you my friend.

Geez I'm a pathetic ass!

I am going to pretend you didn't even say this.[/quote]

One more thing:

Also, I found out that if W and I have agreed to everything in our mediation, there is no reason to actually go to court and we can just sign off on the paperwork without seeing each other (W and I, that is). I'm going to meet with my atty on Wednesday to talk at length about all of this.

Ask your L what happens if you don't sign off on the paperwork. Just ask him. I am curious.

All the best will be yours I am sure,
Nomo

[Heimlich]

GD, puhleeze, if I learn half as much about myself as you did during this process, I'll count myself as having done a great job at this. You've done an awesome job.

I haven't been here as long as you, but I've read almost all of your posts. You have every right to be proud of yourself and where you are today.

If I ever make it to Idaho, you can take me lindy hopping. I'll even let you lead

Feel sad, but don't feel defeated.

BD

[Reincarnated]

GD--
I am so sorry...

I hope that you gave yourself a set amount of time to feel this, then got back to the dance...

I am reminded of a convo that Nomo and I had at the dance hall--all of those people dancing were smiling. The entire time. Exhausted, sweaty, and euphoric.

I know that I seemed to be on the sidelines for a bunch of dances, but I was watching. And motivated to get out there, find that happiness that radiated from all of the dancers. And it DIDN'T MATTER who their partner was!!! It was about THEMSELVES...yes, you were dancing with someone, there was a link. But your body, the knowledge of how to move and interact without words, only what came from inside YOURSELF, was what brought out the happiness in the room.

I think your journey has brought you, without words, to this deep realiztion about what life is and how you fit into it. How you can make your own happiness.

I hope, for her sake, that your wife decides to join you on this new path. Because you already know the way. I was honored to meet you and our other friends this past weekend--thank you so much for the inspiration, the talk, and the evidence that joy can be in all of our lives again, if we choose it.

Keep Dancing...

{{{{{{{{GD}}}}}}}}}}

-Donna