The last I saw H was Sunday, when he came over to retrieve something he had forgotten before leaving for 2 wks to compete. He told me he would call in a few days to talk to S4 & every couple of days thereafter in the evening, as he'd be busy during the day.
He called on Tuesday evening & left VM. Doesn't sound happy. I was out for the evening. Called again a few hours later...I was still out. Sounds even less happy.
He called this morning from the hangar & I answered with a really good PMA & passed the phone to S4.
After they talked (well as much as you can w/a 4yr old), I got back on. He asked how I was.... "great, we've been have a lot of fun." Talked about people that he knew there, etc., small talk. H-"OK, well, how's your dad?" Me-"About the same, doesn't look good." H-"Like I said, promise you'll call if it gets really bad." Me-"Yes, I appreciate that." H-"Yes, I know you do J." H-"Well, I think I should call every day now." Me-"Uh, O.K., sure." H-"Alright, I'll talk to you tomorrow J."
His entire tone has changed since Sunday. He's much more engaged & friendly. Nice, although I don't quite know how to take it.
It'll be interesting to see what he can come up with as far as conversation, other than how my father is doing or talking about S4. I have plans tomorrow, so prolly won't be here when he does call. Part of the price of being a WAS I guess, just can't control what the LBS does anymore.
It is nice that your H is more engaged and friendly w/ you. It could be because he feels some sort of pressure is off of him. I think that is why my H has been more easy-going w/ me lately.
Sorry about your dad. (((Sunny)))
PS- I saw my SD sister yesterday! She and her grown kids were flying from CA to NC and had a layover for a couple of hours at the airport near me. My kids and I went down to see them, and they brought some stuffed animals for my kids that they had gotten at Sea World the day before. Just thought I would share!
:)Hey Sunny and Kat How are you ladies doing? Nomo is the man, yes? I say that from a mans pt of view!
Sunny, sometimes crises bring people together cuz they start realizing the time we have is short and you have shared good times w/ that person. Ya never know, always a silver lining in their somewhere.
CVA
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Wow that was full of typos! Ambien kicking in. Wheeeeee
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
I am amazed how you took the bull by the horns in confronting H about the OW. What was your tone when this discussion went on? Sounds like it really jarred H (was it really dead air for 4-5 minutes?!)
You always sounds so strong, sunny -- it really is inspiring! I can totally tell that you are one independent woman, and that you're truly going to be "better than OK" if your M doesn't work out.
Sorry about your dad, too. My mom died of cancer back in 2000. I was a complete mess for about 9 months. Of course, I was only 21 and wasn't nearly as independent as you are, but I just want to tell you to really take good care of yourself and surround yourself with good friends as you go through all of this. It sounds like H understands how important this event is and will be in your life, which is great to see too. Now, if he'd just get the rest of his head out of his arse...
Thanks for checking in on me and providing ideas and support. You've been such a great friend here for me, and I sincerely appreciate that!
Hey everyone, online at home. Dont drink too much!
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Monday morning & I just finished catching up with all of you here after the wkend. I'll get back with actual responses later. Delia's post was particularly excellent!
I had so many changes this weekend I had a hard time keeping up with them myself.
Leaving out most of the details;
-Friday & Saturday were tough. Obsessed about H, his R w/OW & chances of us getting back together after separation. {wanted to add in here, that reading posts such as the one from Snakes on the slim chances you have to save your marriage after separation, did nothing but drag me down & weaken my resolve. I'm staying away from the negative spin from here on out, including convo's with non-DB informed friends & family) Made many calls to Nomo, interrupting his Florida get-a-way, & recovered for bits of time. -Had a couple of friends over after a party on Saturday & stayed up very late talking. Conversation got around to my sitch & by the time they left around 2am, I was emotionally depleted. I got lots of, "This guy doesn't love or care about you or wouldn't have left" & "obviously he's in love with OW, face it & move on, what are you waiting for?"
Sunday, I'm working out in the garden that's been neglected for months & I all of a sudden had a sort of collage of clips of H telling me things. Almost like a movie trailer, starting with the "bomb" & ending with the last I saw him b/f he left on his 2 wk trip. It all made sense. I could see through his eyes why he had to leave. It wasn't to be with another W. I read where when there's an A, it's not to find another to replace you. It's to take the pressure off the M. If there is no A & the M is in trouble there are generally 2 choices; Solve the problem(s) or get a D. Adding a 3rd person or A, gives you more options. It relieves pressure off the M b/c then you can create distance & time by making it appear you're undecided about who to choose. Like adding a 3rd leg to a 2 legged table for stability.
I know for sure I was not going to be making any changes with out my H leaving me. I can see now how difficult & painful it is for him to have had to do that & why he had to push me away when I tried to bring him back. It would have been a big mistake to have reconciled b/f I "got" that.
Now that I have, It's a different world. The OW doesn't bother me & I think it's a good thing to have the space & distance to really make the necessary healthy choices. He's not "The bad Guy" anymore.
He was left with few options & made prolly the best decision he could have. If he hadn't, I would have likely continued to wear that same "sweater" & be as stuck in my mind as I had been for a long time.
For the first time in a really long time, I'm enjoying my house, my kids, my space & myself.
The pressure is lifted off & I'm not anxious about the ending/beginning anymore.
(((Sunny)))
