My job at this point is to figure out that one thing that would cause my W to believe postponing the D would be a good idea. Consequently, I'm absolutely lost as to what that might be. It scares me about how telling that is...
I don't see it as finances, based on mediation. My guess is if she has doubts they are about breaking up the family and\or how much GPI have learned and whether the obvious changes are real. You should talk about whether she has or if she has doubts. Even if you don't know why, she will. She can fill in the why blank? What if you guess wrong? Don't limit yourself.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
My guess is if she has doubts they are about breaking up the family and\or how much GPI have learned and whether the obvious changes are real. You should talk about whether she has or if she has doubts.
What do you mean "GP" or "GPI"? Also, do you mean doubts about my changes or doubts about whether or not we should D?
Sorry. BB typo. GPI was supposed to be you. On the doubts, I think you need to say to her (without asking for, expecting or even wanting a response during the last stand talk) if you have any doubts about the D then why not wait a few months. A D is a huge decision. There is a lot at stake for me, you and our kids. I would like for you to be sure about what we are doing. You can always push it through later if you're 100% sure, but don't push it through now if you're not.
That's what I mean by focusing on any doubt about D she may have. It doesn't matter why she has any doubt. If she doesn't, well you're out of luck for a delay. But if she does, make her focus on why D now with doubt.
Also, thinking about why is not a waste for you. You may be able to help her recognize doubt if she hasn't. But think of it as throwing out possibilities for why instead of having to identify it for sure by yourself in advance. Of course, start with the most or more likely candidates.
Does that help?
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Get to the point quickly and efficiently. Apologize, don't explain yourself. Say you would like to postpone things. Tell her it would be great if she could think about whether she is open to that.
As for worrying about making asking for the postponement sound like it is all about you, quit worrying. IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU. Trying to obscure that will get you nowhere.
Just get to the point already.
If you want her to hear any of it, you will make it a matter of a very few short sentences.
