Was there any signs that you noticed when your spouse was having an affair? I know I have read it can be very different for men and women. I am married and I do suspect that my husband may be having an affair. I did confront him on this and if he is now he is doing a good job of hiding it.
First off I have tried to look real close at his actions and recations. If he thinks I am looking into anything he is doing he gets angry. He has said he is sick of being treated like an 8 year old. He gets angry with me so easy. He for awhile has started going to his friend's house sometimes like 4 days a week. It is only for like an hour and a half. So if he is going to see a woman she sure isn't gettting much time.
Couple other things I found out he registered at a dating site. He had been e-mailing two girl's very explicit e-mails. He sent a picture of himself and told them lots of identifiable things about himself. (like where he works, what shift, about where he lives, name, how many kid's) He said he was in a very troubled marriage. We weren't even fighting at all during this time. It was mainly this one girl he was writing so much to. But he told her he wanted to meet her. I confronted and told him I had installed a key logger and knew what he was up to. I cried he came after me and told me he was just being stupid. He looked me in the eyes and swore on his kid's life that he has never had sex with anyone and was not having an affair. He said he was just being stupid and felt like crap about himself. He was very down on himself and said he just doesn't know what is wrong with him. But he told me that he would never jeopardize what he has with me. After all that talk to me and swearing on his kid's life. He got up the next morning and went to the public library and e-mailed her. He told her his wife had found out about him e-mailing her. But that he just couldn't get her explicit picture out of his head and wanted to meet her. He asked her to please e-mail her number and he would contact her and give her his number. She wrote back and accidentally sent it to the e-mail account I had the password for. So I found out that next day and confronted him in a way that really made him feel stupid. I recounted everything he said to me. Then I said you love me to right. He said yes honesy with all my heart. Then I sprung it on him and recounted every word he had wrote her.
He was better for like 2 months after that. He showed lots of affection and was a lot nicer. Then I found a number in his wallet that said it was his friend's. But it was wrote with a *67 in front of it.So I asked oh did he change his number. He then said it was this girl's from work. She is married herself and she just gave the number because she was leaving from working there and they had become friend's. I said that is fine but why the *67 and saying it is your male friend's number. He said he ws afraid I would be mad. Now he is calling her. He got very angry when I asked him why kind of. He told me he was planning a surprise for me and had to talk to her to get some information about it. Funny thing is to one time it shows he called her and I have found out now that when someone cals the cell and hits *67 it shows that our number just called itself. So she calls back I am assuming right after within one minute that he called her this one night.
Am I being paranoid? Is there a clear cut way you can catch your spiuse or know for sure?
I honestly never had any clue that my H was having EA. The one thing I did *realize* after I did know was how close he kept his cell phone all of a sudden. Ended up checking it any chance I got, which wasn't often, b/c like I said he kept it w/ him at all times and found that he & chick from work were calling back & forth constantly. He denies that it was her, but I still don't believe that, but I've let it go. The other thing was that we all of a sudden had a yahoo! log in come up on the computer automatically when you logged on. I think maybe he had a yahoo! account and maybe was even looking at dating sites that way. I don't think I'll ever know for sure about that one. Don't care anymore; don't need details. He knows if he does anything again, he's gone for sure.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Chances are if your suspecting something then something is not right. How they treat their cell is a big tip off. Also becoming overly defensive when asked to talk about the two of you and if anything is going on.
I would agree the cell phone is big clue. My H all of the sudden paid the cell phone bill before I even saw it when I always paid all the bills. Also, if they state that they are unhappy in the marriage out of the blue and start to build a case for why they are unhappy with crazy reasons. I would also say if they act guilty or accuse you of being unfaithful that might be another sign. One night I dropped by to see my H at a bar, and the first thing that he said to me was...what are you doing? checking up on me. It was the guilty conscience talking.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
I would agree the cell phone is big clue. My H all of the sudden paid the cell phone bill before I even saw it when I always paid all the bills. Also, if they state that they are unhappy in the marriage out of the blue and start to build a case for why they are unhappy with crazy reasons. I would also say if they act guilty or accuse you of being unfaithful that might be another sign. One night I dropped by to see my H at a bar, and the first thing that he said to me was...what are you doing? checking up on me. It was the guilty conscience talking.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Get the book or check your Public Library. It's pretty good. Rewatch those James Bond movies too, and I'm not kidding !!!
I found my info mostly via old school detective work and cell phone records. The old school detective work means people skills and people contact, James Bond again. Ever work in a bar? Restuarant? Then you know people will talk if you get them going. Unbelievable info sourced this way. It's almost stupid as it can be so overlooked. Think James Bond. Hope this helps.
Look no further. My cheating wife would hide it, afraid it would ring at an inopportune time, or afraid I would check her recent calls. Get your hands on the monthly billing detail as well. Check text message count and call record. If you are being cheated on, it will be there.
My wife constantly changes her online password for her Sprint account. Easy solution: when she is not using phone (sleeping, in the shower, etc), I get the phone and (online) request a text of the password be sent to her phone. I just memorize the new password, and delete the text message. I have always had access to her online account (and more importantly, she thinks I do not. She forgot who she married...in more ways than one...).
Same deal with me. I figured out her password and that's how I figured out something was going on. TM's, late calls at night. We were separated at the time so she felt free to do whatever. Since I told her I found out she has changed her #, passwords to all accounts etc. She is full blown at this point.
James Bond, think, James Bond (Just don't mess with anyone else's wife, ala James Bond though )
My wife hid her purse for months, slept with it next to her, etc. Would leave the kids at her Mom's, made lots of calls when she was at her Mom's to OM. Find OM's wife. I did. Exposure !!!
But, mostly take care of your self. Be cool, calm, in control. It'll drive'em nuts. They still want your attention, but maybe that's part of my "Going Dark/Black, LRT/Plan B" , etc. work.
Really focus on you for now, but, behave !!! Don't have Selfish Demands, Disrespectful Judgments, Angry Outbursts, just chill.
Just thought that I might add .. that *67 is used to block caller ID from reflecting on the phone that is called in to. So .. it appears that your H and this gal are trying to hide the fact that your H is calling her?
If you want to catch your husband .. or at least firm up your suspicions, you will need to appear that you are not "watching" at all. You mentioned that your H made a comment about feeling like an 8 year old. Well (IMO) if you want to "catch" him, make it look like you are not paying attention ..at all.
You got a lot of great advice here .. in regards to how to find out (for sure) if your H is cheating.
Now that you have those strong suspicions what are YOU going to do? Have you had the chance to purchase Michele's book yet? There are many threads on this BB that have (somewhat) similar situations. Hopefully you can take the time to read up and get some ideas as to what you can do .. ?
