I think everyone see's the same thing when the phrase "mate" is used....Mate
Originally Posted By: Handful of rain
Strange, you say you were married for how many years? 20 or so? Do you have any kids? Just Curious, Hope I'm not imposing on you.
Married for 14 years but together 20. We met when we were quite young, me 17 & W 16. We got a home together when I was 21 & she 20, then married a few years later. We don't have kids, but through choice. About 12 years ago she wanted to start a family & I was not so keen on the idea at that time so we decided to put it off. She then moved away from the idea totaly & we just both enjoyed life the way we were living it.
I had just about made my mind up that I was going to send W a txt message asking if she did indeed want to come chat about her choice for D or whatever...Instead, I got a call from her. She did call for some buisness to be sorted out. Like always the call was good, maybe better than normal, lots of laughter & good conversation. She did show alot of intrest in what I have been upto, so that was quite good.
However....Then came the ace card, she said...I still need to come & talk about what we said we needed to talk about (meaning the D, I guess) She said she has not had time to come...of course not, I mean 4 weeks is such a short time, how could she possibly find the time ? So I simply said, sure no problem, I told her my work hours for this week & also next week. I'm not sure if she commited herself to a time & day, but she did say she will come (again)
I'm not sure how things will go when she comes or if she comes. This is how I will handle it...
I will be polite, carm & happy as always. I will act as if things could not be any better for me & be quite happy to go along with the D...If she is the one to file.
Now, here's what i'm not so sure about...Do I tell her it's not my choice to get a D but will go along with it but make it clear that it is her choice.
OR...Should I just say, sure a D is the best idea all round, knock yourself out.
It does puzzle me a little as to what she thinks needs to be said anyway. I mean, it's a D that she more then likely wants, whats to talk about? She files, I think about signing, take my time a little here & there...case closed.
I know the two main reasons that people file for D over here are...Adultry & Unreasonable Behaviour. Of course she falls into the adultry part & i'm guessing thats what she would want me to file for & she will accept & sign, job done...However, I think if she files she could only file for Unreasonable Behaviour on my part, whether that be true or not, which it is not, she could still file herself.
I have to say that she's coming here to try & get this sorted out asap. She has shown no signs of wanting anything else in the 3 months that we have been seperated.
Strange Gotta say, i dont have clue which if either of those responses get the desired reaction.
I guess i have always heard that telling them it is her choice but you wont stand in her way is the way to go. Dont you get the same effect as the 2nd one but keep the seed of doubt planted at the same time?
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Forgot to mention this...I know it's such a small thing but she does still refer to herslf as Mrs (insert our name here) She let this slip while talking today. Maybe nothing at all but i just noticed it....
I know i've always said I won't stand in her way & thats true..whats also true is, I don't want a D, it's her choice as far as I know. So I guess i'll try saying something along those lines..
Atleast this will be some kind of turning point for me & this sitch..It may give me something to actually DB rather than not know what direction the R is going.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Now, here's what i'm not so sure about...Do I tell her it's not my choice to get a D but will go along with it but make it clear that it is her choice.
Strange, Why even hint that you're OK with the divorce? Some variation of the above is the way to go, I think. The only reason to go with your second alternative is pride. Reminds me of that quote from Pulp Fiction, when Marcellus Wallace is talkign to Butch about throwing the fight, "You might feel a little sting. That's pride. F**k pride."
I had a similar talk with my W last week. Said something along the lines of, "I still love you. I still think we can have a wonderful life together, though I realize there are no guarantees and I think it's a shame that we won't get to find that out. I think I'm finally at a place again where I can be the partner you deserve. That said, I know how you feel. I'm not going to stand in your way if you want to continue with the D."
Since I've said that, things have improved marginally. Though it's hard to tell because she's out of town and it might just have been relief on her part.
Good luck,
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
I see your point about pride. However, it's more so, that I don't want her to think that I am going to make it hard or resist it, I wanted to come across as, it's no problem at all. I'm probably going to just wait & see how things shape up, if she does infact come.
Thanks for the input & I hope things work out in your sitch too
