Well my PMA is just about back to normal today & i'm fine...I was very tired yesterday & the self inflicted mess I was in (to much beer) did not help at all.
It's funny how little things in our day can suddenly improve our minds. Today at work, my friend, just right out the blue starts singing an old Rolling Stones song: Time is on my side... lyrics are here for those that are intrested. Anyway it made me think about what everyone say's, & that time is on our side, it made me feel better
I still think my W is feeling alot of shame about all this. I was talking to my supervisor at work today & he mentioned that he'd seen W a few days ago. She totally ignored him & put her head down & walked off. That is not her usual self, she would always take the time to chat to anyone...sorry i am rambling
I don't know if any of you people believe in horoscope readings etc etc. I don't normally but today, I felt the hurge to read the ones that were in the paper. Anyway this in mine, here's what it said....
It seems that however hard you try, you face obstacles at every turn. But you don't have to take everything that happens as a personal slight. Somtimes people need time to realise that what you have to offer is very rare & can't be found elsewhere. Your life will take off in new directions once you really accept yourself.
Again I don't believe in this stuff & don't normally read them either. Don't know why but, like I said I just felt a need to take a look at them....Spooky?
Still not much happening on the R front, but that seems to be the normal for me I know W is back from her holiday/vacation with OM because I saw her a few days ago, passing in her car.
Hi again Strange, Thanks for your reply at my post. Hope this message finds you in good spirits, I know I feel better. not healed, but better.
I want to thank you for the link to the Rolling Stone's tune, I needed that. I keep thinking I've reached my limit, with trying to KAL, In the separation, her filing the D, 3 months ago, the moving the OM in, and the baby. I feel like such a fool sometimes, cause it seems like no matter what she does, I still love her.
I just wanted to tell you, I agree with NDDT, about filing for the D, I also never wanted it, she cheated on me, but before I knew it, I had decided to leave for what I thought at the time was good reasons, So when it all came out in the wash, I had my chance to file, and turned it down, I did ask the lawyer if it mattered who filed first, and was told that if you want to be in control of the D, then you should. Well, I didn't care at that time, so I didn't, and she did, but now the custody, visitation, and CS is all screwed up, and right now, I can't afford to fight it.
I told the W, that I wouldn't pay a single cent for it, it is her mess, she can pay for it all, and I mean it all, in our state, if you have children, you have both to go to some children of D class, to learn how to be parents after a D, and I've been putting it off, because not only do I not have the money, I don't want to go, because, I think this whole thing is an interference in my life, Well she told me a while back, that might be keeping the D from being final, Well, I am going to tell her, that if she wants me to go, she can pay for not only the class, but my gas to the place, if she doesn't, then I will put it off, forever, or till I can get it waived by a judge. I am not doing anything to help her get this thing over with, it's on her, as with everything else, she's the one who gave up, not me. I don't care how much the D, is costing her, it's not my problem. My problem is the custody, visitation, and CS issues, and I will deal with them, when I have the money.
The simple fact is this, if you want to be in control of it, file it, even if it's not what you want. You can stop it anytime, you know, if W files then your kind of at her mercy, she could have a change of heart, might even wake her up, when the papers come, but then again...you never know. Take care.
I've tryed to maintain from the start that I would not file unless I was ready to do so, as it is now i'm not ready. Even in what may be an hopeless sitch I still have some hope left, how much & for how long, I don't know for sure. Part of me says, if she wanted a divorce so bad she would file. After all she had the gutts to get up in the middle of the night & just leave. Why would she feel so bad about finishing the job. Whatever the reason/s she has not filed yet & has not been intouch to persue me about filing either.
sorry to hear about your sitch. i noticed something though in reading your post. first, she says you have to file, which means she can't bring herself to do it for whatever reason. then in the texts about meeting to discuss the d, she says something to the effect of we shouldn't carry this on any more then we should, should we. she questions her own statement at the end of it.
both of these things show me that she hasn't made a decision. she might be with the om, but if she wanted to fully commit to him then she would file. she hasn't let go of you yet.
i guess this puts you in the drivers seat, you can keep db'ing or file. i don't agree with the controling the d by filing first. you will have a chance to respond and bring your case and refute what w is claiming or asking for. but you will need cash to do that with counsel. i would start a rainy day fund now, and if it happens your prepared.
my advice is keep doing what your doing, let her have her space, and just be you and enjoy the parts of life that you able to for now.
And even if she is 100% sure she wants a divorce today, she may not in 6 months. That's why time is on your side. Things can change. And probably only for the better as far as your M is concerned. Right?
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Well lets face it, it can't get any worse, the marriage that is I may as well just carry on riding this crazy old ride. I have control of my own life & live it to suit myself. I could give up on the R & it would be dead & gone, but would it, there's no magic switch to throw. So why not just see how it goes & move with it. If the end product is, the R is dead then it is what it is & in this time i've moved on.... I'm moving along with my life & if my W decides that she wishes to hitch a ride any time soon, then all is good....
Whatch this space, because in a few days i'll come back crying I want my W back LOL
Strange, I don't know how things are where you are as far as the law, I assume you are not in the US since you called me mate, might be wrong, not the first time, been there before, if so I apologize.
Didn't mean to give you any false advise about filing, I just told you what a lawyer here in my town said, that may not apply everywhere or here for that matter, in my eyes D lawyers are vipers, no offence to any other lawyers out there.
You should just keep doing what you are doing, don't pull any switch, just do what you think is right. I know the mixed emotions, they tell you one thing is right, one day, then the next day it's all wrong, you need to think clearly and weigh out all the decisions of your actions. If our W's did this, maybe neither them or us, would be in this shape, now. Take care, Thanks for all your help on my sitch, I will continue to check in here on you, too. We are all in this thing, together, and there is safety in numbers.
As for the D law over here, in short..If you have been married for 1 year plus then any partner can file. If there is nothing to contest then the D can be very cheap & quick, you can just about do the paper work your self & not involve an lawers at all.
