Yes, I get what I deserve right? Those who know my mlc story know what I have to deal wiht. No pity party required but the EA was brought forth by the ow and I just went off and went along with it.
No sex, no holding hands even, but a holiday kiss or two was the worst it got, but emotionally.... OMG. Hook line and sinker. Many months ago I was quite ill. Well, I am getting a grip more on the outs of it as I on occasison avoid this lady now and she appears to avoid me from time to time. I can go with this but am really getting down on myself and my emotions in doing so. Normal? Probably so, but any tools or suggestions to get me though this since I never ever see this happening again. This lady was a rare one to approach me in the manner she did and I cant see this occurring with anyone else with me.
Well, the way she made me feel, was just so great. My ego was stroked big time. My W is not about to duplicate that under the current conditions. I do not want to go looking for another ow, I didnt go looking for this one, but that great feeling just kept me going for so long.
I don't think your OW was all that unsual in approaching you. Think there are quite a few predatory females out there who don't care whether a man is married or not. (males too, I guess)
It's pretty easy to become emotionally involved when you are rejected by a spouse. Anyone who makes you feel better about yourself is going to seem rather attractive.
You just need to not act on any of those feelings and try to work on communication with your W. Any time anyone else is fulfilling your emotional needs, you will be less inclined to feel like working on your M.
well, I've been working on communicating with my W. She now knows lots of what bothers me. One thing I can recall about her and I is we can talk and say what we want.
I'm gonna do that but leave any talk of an ow out of it. I talked about moving out to a trailer in the yard and I think that upset her. We have her mom living with us and my home is quite hard to live in.
I did something out of character today and that was blow off lunch with this ow. She seems irritated but I really needed to do that. Gotta keep some distance these days.
It's good that you are communicating better with your W.
In my opinion, unless OW is totally out of the picture, you will never have a chance to save your M.
Call her anything you want, but as long as anybody other than your W is fulfilling your emotional needs, I think your heart won't be in working on your M. Just my opinion. I'm not trying to be a bit**. It certainly sounds like your W could give a whole lot more attention to your emotional needs also.
You really do need to blow off OW entirely and not worry about how she will take it. In my opinion, she can't be all that great if she is hanging around a married man.
Why not approach this in another way? Why not try and meet your W's needs and ignore her when she is bitchy. Maybe she will begin to treat you better. You think?
I have taken that very approach on my W with going dorment when she's unruly and even so, still ask "what can I do to help?" even when she is a tad unruly. I found helping her out doesnt make things simmer down faster but it defintely makes things simmer down further and longer when they do finally simmer down. The walking away approach works but isn't very togetherness-promoting. I had told her the other day she is more married to her mother than to me. Her mom needs attention defintely but gets the red carpet treatment versus me and the "oh, find somthing in the frig for yourself, mom and I are having this " approach. She is no-doubt stressed to the max and I told her the other day I'd love to just let her have a week vacation from it all if she wants it. A vacation for her is a vacation for us all unless she wants me to go along. As far as ow is concerned,well, she's back out of my building in another week or so and it will once again be very easy to avoid her entirely and with the new season coming up, I'll certainly want to get into my hobbies and things on top of the home situation. Last year I did next to nothing on my leisure activites over mlc stuff and this ow stuff. I am sooo looking forward to happy living.
Well, if talking to her works, by all means do so. Probably shouldn't point out her shortcomings right now. Of course it is annoying to have her always put her mother before you, but maybe she just thinks her mother needs her more right now. Sometimes one has to defer to children and elderly parents. In my opinion that's just the way it is.
Of course she should fix something for all of you. That seems pretty much an obvious snub to me. She seems angry. I would say she isn't feeling like her needs are being met either.
I suspect you and your W are having some of the very same feelings, even though you don't realize it. Just my opinion...
Getting out and into some hobbies again really should help your outlook a lot.
Trying to stay connected with this ow in some fashion has about worn me down. Emotionally I have gotten up and out from under her thumb but I'm turning my sites to find something else to get into and she is not too far away. I did a dumb thing and attended a lunch today with her in the group and it has worn me down once again.
I'm actually coming out of these meetings feeling quite small since I seem not man enought to go the distance with her. Well, I'm a bit of a whipping boy for a few people right now and its a little tough to bear. Ow unfortantely has many traits of my deceased mom and I have told her of some of it. Well today she displayed some others that she doesn't know about. Emotionally I could let myself really go down the tubes on two fronts but I am not. This on top of the stresses our country is going through right now makes it real tough.
I think you don't really want to ditch the OW and work on the marriage or you would. Maybe I'm not being too nice, but you are whinning. In the past four years I have lost a H (left) and a son (died suddenly). You really are complaining about things you could change. You just have to want to badly enough.
I hear you. I'm detaching. Its taking a while but I can feel I am gaining on it and the infatuation stage is way gone. Today a situtation I cannot control will occur and keep from lunching with the gang. This is good.
Well, I just had an 8 hour span of getting yelled at before I went to bed by W then waking up to her yet yelling about something else. I actually got up and came to my job 4 hours early to get away from it. She was glad to see me up and rolling but that doesnt mean I can leave any earlier in the business I'm in. Whew. tough love. I'm trying to love the W but its like loving a rabid animal that cant help itself and its snapping at you etc.. It's a work in progress for sure. Currently I am finding it easy to keep my eyes to myself so thats a good thing. I am trying to make it work with W through this tough time.
Emotionally I'm pretty numb in every aspect. I dont even laugh half the time at things that normally should be quite funny but then will think of something funny unexpectedly and laugh out loud. If mlc is real, I might be dealing with some of that, cause I sure am searching my feelings a lot lately if I can find them. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so harsh with you. I do have a lot of sympathy for you regarding your W and her actions, just not regarding OW. I do understand how the emotional attachment came about, but you have to choose either your M or the OW. You can't have her on the fringes and expect to have any energy or desire to save your M.
You shouldn't have to stand for emotional abuse. That is what W is dishing out. It doesn't matter what she is angry about, that is too long to harp on anything. If she keeps that up, perhaps you should move out into the trailer. Make sure she knows why, but keep OW out of the equation. I'm sure that is bringing on a lot of W's anger. I know when H still lived here and was having an EA, I felt like killing him. Certainly didn't like him any. As you know, being hurt can bring anger on.
Perhaps you mentioned this before and I missed it, but would W go to counseling with you? If not, would it be of some value for you to go alone?
I certainly see why you are unhappy. You shouldn't have to just "suck it up" and be verbally slammed by W. Just think things will go more smoothly if OW is not in the picture. It also seems like she might turn out to act like W in the long run. Think about it, she was getting on your case about not having lunch with her. Not a good sign.
