No sweat....me and TRIP are cut and dry but she has a better way of putting things.
I think it is a positive that you 2 were in the same house with you not having any problems.....takes a lot ya know. By the way, I only lay it out flat when it seems like the person is starting to get blinded by something....a wake up call is needed....some like it some don't.
Can somebody tell me how to look up another friend's stitch? It helps to know a little about what they have been though. I try clicking on the name and then the first thing I know, I'm chasing rabbits...lol.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I really see you trying...I think you just need to keep focusing on your H's positives...it isn't going to change over night...you didn't get to where you are today quickly...it was a process...now you just have to reverse it...
GREAT on going 5 days...I KNOW how hard this is...but trust me, in time it will get better...it will also get better in time when you start rekindling feelings for your H...and with more distance from OM will come clearer thinking...things always seem so great...so exciting...so wonderful...but sometimes if we really look at what we have we can find that same thing with the S we have...
It sounds like your H will "work with" you on this...I also think in time he will be a great support for you...I think you two just need to step back, take a breath, and then give each other a chance...maybe even the chance you never did have!
I do think your a good person...if you weren't you wouldn't care about your H's feelings, your D's feelings, and your GS's feelings above your own...and you have...you didn't leave because you didn't want to hurt them...your conscience kicked in before you crossed a line that would have forever changed things...
I will follow you through this the best I can...I work a lot and it is really draining...teenagers are not the easiest bunch...and then my regular school year job is special needs children...I love it but it is challenging...so if I don't reply right away...please be patient and I will get back to you...
And thank you for all the kind things you said...it feels good to know that my strength is showing again...for so long I felt defeated and weak...it also feels good to know that I am able to give strength to others...I don't think I am better then others here...but one thing is sure...most of us become better because of what we make it through...whether we win or lose...we live...
Take care Sandi...and I will be watching...journal all you need to...if you need to talk about OM and how your feeling, please do...some of us can talk you down if you feel like you are weakening...I have faith in you...I hope you will have faith in yourself that you CAN do this...
OH...thank your H for things that he does that are nice...this will help you too...and him...
You know in reading imLin's post what I see is that you are changing some very old habits in behaviour. Habits can be broken and new ones formed. You want to do something about it and that is the first step. I like how you are taking things slowly and day by day. Not getting ahead of yourself is the key and you see that. Also, give yourself some credit for coming here and wanting to make your marriage a happy and satisfying one.
Lin, thank you sweetie. Now I know you are not a "saint" but a human just like me. I say that with love...I hope you realize that. Honestly, now I can really feel like I can tell you anything. It helps to know what you shared about meeting that OM even though it didn't go any farther...thank goodness. But now I know you realize what I am going through.
I have talked with my H and he is very understanding. Much better now than a few weeks ago...we were both so awful then. We both saw an ugly side we don't want to see again.
My H even said that he knew I would go through a "grieving" period for the OM. Maybe he read it, I don't know. But, I am doing that now...grieving. It sounds so awful to admit it. But, honey, you are so right about how I played the OM up in my mind! I think God has helped me, even today, to try to think about the OM in a more negative way. In other words, I was attracted to his "take-charge" personality because my H was a procrasternator (spelling?) But, if we were together I may not like him "bossing" me around! What I see now as "strength" could turn out to be something entirley different.
I know I was drawn to the OM sweet words. That is what turns me on...big time. He fed my ego and I went back for more and more and more....just like a drug. I was addicted but I did not want to admit it. I read somewhere the signs of being addicted to internet relationships. One being the fact that you get upset if anyone or anything interfers with your time on the net. I was doing that! My kids would come over and I would get upset because I wanted that time to chat to the OM. I would watch the clock to see when he would be home from work. I would watch my H to see the minute he left the house so I could run get on line while he was gone and chat with the OM. If I missed a night with OM, I felt like I was going to go crazy before I got to him again. Now, if that is not addicted, what is?
All of my friends....please just keep reminding me that OM is NOT WHAT I NEED OR WANT! PLEASE! You want to know something funny? I was not even attracted to his looks. He was not that good looking at all, but it was the other stuff. Plus, he was five years younger than me and it made me feel good to know a younger man thought I was attractive.
I have told myself that he probably has a dozen women on line he is doing the same thing with every night that he and I did. Of course, he denied it. What was he going to do...tell me yes? Duh!
Another thought...he has been divorce many years now and never remarried. That is something to consider. He says he is just "picky".....hummmmm.
Well, of course, I did not want to think anything but the best and all the good possibilities. The grass sure looked greener from where I was sitting! After all, he makes great money...according to him...and my H even said so after investigating him. OM would tell me all the places he was going to take me and what all we would do together. He said he would come after me if I just gave the word, but would perfer we met in person first...which seemed logical. He is very smart....maybe too smart?
Okay, I've got to get to bed. I just am rambling...but I feel better. Thanks you guys...for being here for me. Maybe some day, I can be here for you...if you ever need me...just call.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
