At a class reunion, a wife of a friend knew the GF I had when I met my wife. Long story short. We talked and met. She would have picked up right where we left off almost 20 years earlier. I let that sleeping dog lie.
I believe that standing means different things to different people. I see no reason to be so abrupt with others because their definition doesn't match your's. We want our WA's to show us respect but sometimes we treat our fellow LB's with little respect. What is that all about???
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Standing comes from Rejoice Ministries and is defined thusly:
Quote:
"Standing" means not giving up on your spouse regardless of what they may say or do. You are standing and believing for your marriage covenant to be restored.
Therefore:
Quote:
Standing is simple. You are married. End of story.
~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
NO, no, no....don't be the doormat. Only you can figure that one out. That is the fine line between manhood and doormat. Womanhood and doormat. This is what we ALL need to learn.
My ex told me that I was more of a woman than ow. My best friend told me that ow was a doormat...and she has met her...and that this was what ex wanted...a doormat.
I wouldn't send the letter...she will perceive it as doormat. She knows you well enough to know that you want what's best for her...tell me I'm wrong.
Mickey is right, being percieved as a doormat will not only make you feel bad about yourself, but will leave the WAS with no respect for you. Everyone wants boundaries to a certain degree. Its when you don't esablish them is where you run into problems in all facets of life.
Ok - kids are around playing loud, so excuse me if I don't formulate everything properly !
Here's what I have been thinking...
We LBS, are searching for answers as to WHY this has all happened. We see our WAS/MLC'ers doing and saying things we don't understand. We try to make sense of it, but of course can't...although sometimes we live in the illusion that things make sense..
An EXAMPLE.
I have a drop-in (according to RCR and research). I try and find reasons for him not being ready to let go in all the things he still does with US, the kids and me. I keep telling myself that if he would have wanted to leave, he would have left, cold turkey and would not still long to be around me and the kids so much...therefore I ASSUME, he's not ready to leave or I ASSUME his R with OW, is not all it's supposed to be as he seems to lack something which he keeps finding only HERE. This gives me hope...but is this hope realistic ?
Others on this board have different versions of MLCers/WAS...those have actually left cold turkey and don't look for contact with their LBS or children....these LBS, will say that it seems impossible that after so many years of marriage one would just WALKAWAY, just like that - therefore there must be something WRONG! Right?!
There are many versions in between, and each and every time we look for clues and signs in their behaviour...anything can be explained in a way we'd like to explain it !!!
I got a FORWARD e-mail from A NEW2MORROW called "SCRABBLE" it was words and sentences that could be jumbled around to make something that had to do with it ....
EXAMPLE.. "THE EYES" can become - "THEY SEE"
"ELEVEN PLUS TWO" can become - "TWELVE PLUS ONE"
These little riddles opened my eyes to something....
We see what we WANT to see, and ignore the rest. Or we find what we WANT to find and ignore the rest....
I'm not sure what it is EXACTLY that I am trying to say, but what I think it boils down to, is that life is like scrabble....any combination is possible ...but sometimes you don't yet have the right 'letters' to form the word...that's when we need to wait and hope that the needed letter will appear...it MAY, or it MAY not..if it doesn't it's up to our OWN skills to make the best other WORD possible !!! We can wait and wait and wait for that ONE letter to appear so that our KEYWORD can be made, but by that time the board may be full...
It comes down to, we cannot look into the future, we need to live life with what we have NOW !!! When we can do this, life becomes a thrill again...and then funilly enough there seems to be this ENERGY (GOD) that makes all the rest fall into place...sometimes (OFTEN) when we least expect it !
Ok - off to the hockey game - H just called that he hurt his back, he's had a runny tummy for 2 whole days now and he feels HORRIBLE. So he won't be playing anymore...he's waiting for D8 to get there and do her chearleading dance and then he's off to bed (AGAIN). Maybe his body is exploding ! Emotion overload.......and in the spirit of what I just said - MAYBE HE'S JUST PLAIN AND SIMPLY SICK !
Take care, I'm off to enjoy the day !!! xxx
Last edited by Cinderellaman; 06/30/0710:10 AM.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Quote: We want our WA's to show us respect but sometimes we treat our fellow LB's with little respect. What is that all about??? You put it out there. Maybe you can expound on that.
Quote:
Maybe Cinders was cycling because you dopes kept answering the questions, fueling the fire, and causing her to cycle. Because when swl and I told here what she was doing she was able to quickly pull herself out.
We are all human and we can all be wrong at time but how can we say we know more than another person and name calling when you don't agree serves no purpose. We are all here for pretty much the same reason. IF you are being hurtful, you are not helping. This is just my opinion.
Last edited by ANewMe; 06/30/0712:45 PM.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Quote: We want our WA's to show us respect but sometimes we treat our fellow LB's with little respect. What is that all about??? You put it out there. Maybe you can expound on that.
Quote:
Maybe Cinders was cycling because you dopes kept answering the questions, fueling the fire, and causing her to cycle. Because when swl and I told here what she was doing she was able to quickly pull herself out.
We are all human and we can all be wrong at time but how can we say we know more than another person and name calling when you don't agree serves no purpose. We are all here for pretty much the same reason. IF you are being hurtful, you are not helping. This is just my opinion.
Well, just like we all of our own opinions, we have our own styles. IMO, IMP just puts it out there like he sees it. He has done this with me on a few occassions. And just like w/my H, I try to not take it personally but look at what he is saying to me not how he is saying it. I don't believe IMP ever tries to do anything but give "realistic" advice. Harsh maybe, but I think we all have been through some pretty harsh words and that's why we are here. That is just my opinion.
Cinders...WOW! Wish you were closer so we could enjoy the day together!!!!!
bambam
Me-BS 38 X-WS 36 Separated 11/15/2006 Filed for D 8/1/2007 Divorce Final 12/21/2007 S13, S13 (twins), D9 Married 13 Yrs Together 20 Yrs
Okay, if it is not a problem, I won't make it one but I happen to appreciate RCR's insight. I have personally witnessed people leaving this BB never to return because of name calling and feeling attacked by posts.
My last comment on the issue. Thanks for listening!
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
bambam