I think you are so right and this is not just your opinion, happiness can only come from within and not from anyone else!
I have to completely agree with that statement. It took me a while to realize that when I started working on me, and realizing that I wasnt the worthless so and so that he made me feel like. That's when I knew I was happy with me, I wasnt the recluse that I had become when I was with him. The happier I am with myself, benefits not only my life, but the people in it as well.
Good going girl! My WAW made me feel worthless also, nothing I did was good enough for her. "You need a raise, you need to spend more time with me, you need to help more around the house" and I can go on and on. So when I responded to what W told me, that was still not good enough, so she left. I though her leaving was all my fault (well that's what she told me), I believed her for a long time.
When I started working on me, I knew that it was not me, she just wanted to see if there was something better out there (W hit me with that one). But what are the odds of people doing this to someone and expecting good results!?
I know from the man that I have become W messed up big time by walking away from the best thing that she had!!!!
I forgive W for what she has done and I don't hate her, but I don't like her for the person that she has turned into.
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
Good going girl! My WAW made me feel worthless also, nothing I did was good enough for her. "You need a raise, you need to spend more time with me, you need to help more around the house" and I can go on and on.
I know how you feel. I felt very worthless for a long time. He would set "goals" and then when I met them they weren't enough. Now I realize I needed to set my own goals, which I am doing, and feeling damn good about myself in teh process.
Quote:
I though her leaving was all my fault (well that's what she told me), I believed her for a long time.
I believed that as well. My STBXH actually told me that I made him stop loving me. I spent many many nights crying and reliving 20+ years of all the mistakes I made. He told me that he had been working on the M for years, and that it was my fault it failed. Well, I guess if constantly telling your partner all the things wrong with them and all the things they need to do to "make you happy", while never wanting to make any changes in yourself is counted as working on the M maybe he was right. But I am thinking he was wrong!!!
[/quote]
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
The strange part is at the time, I never saw myself becoming the person I was w/H. I tried to figure out, when did I change? What event took place? When did I go from being me, to being this extention of him and who he 'thought' I was. Why did I not notice then?
Oh well, I shouldnt dwell on it. It's much better and alot more fun noticing who I am now anyhow.
The strange part is at the time, I never saw myself becoming the person I was w/H. I tried to figure out, when did I change? What event took place? When did I go from being me, to being this extention of him and who he 'thought' I was. Why did I not notice then?
Oh well, I shouldnt dwell on it. It's much better and alot more fun noticing who I am now anyhow.
Yep, I didn't realize that I had become someone I didn't want to be until I was out of the situation and started to become me again! And others have noticed it as well. I have run into acquaintances who tell me how great I look and how positive I seem and that is before I tell them H left. LOL. I guess the last few years really took their toll on me!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
The strange part is at the time, I never saw myself becoming the person I was w/H. I tried to figure out, when did I change? What event took place? When did I go from being me, to being this extention of him and who he 'thought' I was. Why did I not notice then?
Oh well, I shouldnt dwell on it. It's much better and alot more fun noticing who I am now anyhow.
I know exactly how you feel, I was telling a friend tonight that when W left she took apart of me with her. Now the void that was left was rebuilt into the great man that I am today, thanks to DBing. (not trying to pat myself on the back) But I feel so good about me!
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
Good going girl! My WAW made me feel worthless also, nothing I did was good enough for her. "You need a raise, you need to spend more time with me, you need to help more around the house" and I can go on and on. So when I responded to what W told me, that was still not good enough, so she left. I though her leaving was all my fault (well that's what she told me), I believed her for a long time.
When I started working on me, I knew that it was not me, she just wanted to see if there was something better out there (W hit me with that one). But what are the odds of people doing this to someone and expecting good results!?
I know from the man that I have become W messed up big time by walking away from the best thing that she had!!!!
I forgive W for what she has done and I don't hate her, but I don't like her for the person that she has turned into.
Isn't it funny that just about all of them use the same script and end up with someone who makes less money, spends less time with them, and is generally not someone they would ever hook up with in the past.
Isn't it funny that just about all of them use the same script and end up with someone who makes less money, spends less time with them, and is generally not someone they would ever hook up with in the past.
Oh, mine picked one with more money, but from what I have seen she is as self-absorbed as he is, so that should be interesting!!! LOL
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
