So, I have been a total lazy arse the last few days. I have still been doing v-ball, going out with friends, going to class, etc. but during the days, I haven't been doing much of anything besides reading, sitting behind the computer and watching tv. I guess I've been allowing myself some wallowing time.
I feel pretty good today. I actually at one point today was able to think back and remember and be grateful for the things that I am taking from this marriage and for the love, romance, security, friendship, and partnership that I did have for some time. It is a gift to have that from another person and although that is ending, I want to be able to look back and the pain and the happiness and grow from both and appreciate what I have learned from both. It felt good to be able to do that. Lately, I've buried the good memories or rewritten them (and probably still have for a lot of the more recent ones) because it was too painful. It made me long for that and want that with my husband and get angry at why I couldn't have that with him again. But, today, it didn't feel like that. It felt like being grateful for a period of time in my life that is no more. The past is the past. And I'm getting more comfortable about the future and the possibility of it. Still scary as hell.
I did work on one of my goals today. I emailed someone about guitar lessons. May start those soon. Mowed the lawn today and v-ball tonight. Really need to do homework tomorrow... put that off all weekend and I have class tomorrow night.
My BIL (on Hs side) lost his dad at age 70 this past week to lung cancer. So I'm going to stop at the grocery store tonight too and make them a hot dish for dinner tomorrow night. Sad, but he seems to be handling it as well as he can be.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
Dana, Still being that ray of light--and sharing it with others. That's what it's all about, anyway. Growing into and being the person we want to be. It is good that you are able to take so much for what has been such a trial. I never found out what class you are taking...? I just started Classroom Mgmt and Curriculum, Instruction & Assessment for Special Needs Students today :0) --Donna
Donna: Thank you! I'm taking a public policy class. It's required for the masters in teaching at my university. I think it's the only university in my state that requires that class for a MAT. Silly class for teachers. If it were about the policies that affect my kids, that would be helpful, but it's about the process of how policies are made instead.
HS: Thank you It would have been nice to have gotten lessons that I could exchange for beer or setting someone up with one of my friends instead of paying someone money.
Vball tonight was fun. We won one and lost two. There was a really hot guy on the other team. I got to the game about 1/2 hour early and he was sitting there so I struck up conversation with him during that time. Balls out! he he. I knew nothing would come of it but I want to start challenging myself to put it out there. I have a hard time doing that with men I'm actually attracted to (probably because I'm not ready yet), but an easy time with everyone else.
I'm in the middle of cooking a hotdish right now. I forgot I have a class during the day tomorrow through school and so the homework and hotdish I planned to do tomorrow need to be done yet tonight. Somehow I don't think the 80 pages of reading homework is going to get done. OOPS! Kind of glad to have class tomorrow. Need to get my butt out of the house during the day and be productive.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
Hotties and hotdishes...sounds like a good day. Sorry about the lame class. Good to hear that it gets you out and about, though. My kids do that for me; grad classes are all online.
Had class today which was nice. Learned a few new things and hung out with a friend while there. Also talked to a tech person at school and I'm meeting with him on Thursday to talk about me teaching an online class through one of the universities in town. It's a great way to make some extra cash so I'm looking forward to learning about that and seeing if it's something I could do. Something regarding a second job has to work out at some point here.
Playing hookie tonight from my master's class. I didn't do the homework since I hung out with my brother in law last night. He talked to me for a few hours about his dad's death, etc. Glad I could listen. So for once in my life I'm taking the route of getting some rest and relaxation tonight instead of punishing myself to go to a class that I'm not prepared for anyway. May sound irresponsible but coming from uber-responsible girl it's a good change for me to do what I want instead of what I think I should always do. It's supposed to rain here tonight. I LOVE RAIN. I'm looking forward to grabbing a beer, sitting on my stoop, listening to the rain, and appreciating the present and dreaming about my future.
A friend is coming over tomorrow to get my help in setting her up on an online dating service. Might be fun. I can live vicariously through her for a while and check out the hotties through her account. Not ready to date through that kind of service myself. Hoping to meet people a little more naturally as I put myself out there with time.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
Sounds good, galing! Glad you're treating yourself good. Love it! Should be fun helping your friend out with the online dating thing. Enjoy your evening! Living in the moment is so great.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
I saw a really cool quote today that I think Fig posted on a thread. It got me thinking about something my MIL asked me awhile ago.
She asked me, "Dana, what do you want?"
There are many things I want from my personal life but above all, I wish and want someday to share my life with someone and have a family. Secondly, I wish to give back to society (and I think teaching is one of the greatest ways I can do that). I want to be a wife who respects her husband and is loved back. I know I will find a way to be happy if that doesn't happen, but I certain WANT that from my life and I do think in many ways we do need that as it is what I believe God intended - that we should share our life loving another and helping one another get to heaven. My H and I failed at appreciating what we had, helping each other follow God's word, and loving each other as we needed/wanted. I hope that God will grant me a chance someday to have love in my life and to make a true marriage with another. That is what I want and pray for. I saw this quote and it struck me as what I want someday in a marriage. Love. Real and true love. I am beginning to see that my future could really hold great things and I'm excited to live in my present and hope for the future. Faith.
From "Captain Corelli's Mandolin, "Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew toward each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
HS: Adult ed would be cool. If you are interested in teaching English at all, they are certificates to teach English as a Second Language to adults. A lot of immigrants would really benefit from knowing the legal system and their rights. I think that is your field, right?
Just had counseling. Feeling really good. This is a rollercoaster, bound to be and normal, but I know I am doing the right things to make sure I come out of this a better person. The counselor just really helps keep me focused on me and my future and moving on. We talked about me writing a hello letter soon. I'm not ready for that yet, but keeping it in the back of my head. Hello to the future type of thing...
Yoga today, drinks out with a friend, and homework. Really nice out today here so I'm going to hit the hammock in a bit and do my homework.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
