No worries Ben. Slow and steady. Just looking to get out and laugh and have some fun with a pretty girl. I don't need all the other drama in my life right now. There will be plenty of time for that later.
Will they end up getting married and living happily every after? Who knows.
That reminds me, about two years ago, a friend of mine went through the same deal. Then, about one year ago as it was all starting up for me, his W was finalizing their D and preparing for the nuptials with her OM. (My friend is doing very well now - has moved on, improved himself, and found himself another lady who appreciates The New Him.)
The interesting thing is, I got an email from him yesterday, where he mentioned his XW and her "Soon-to-be-ex-second-husband". Gotta get together with him for beers and hear the story here! But it really emphasized the point to me that, when an unhappy person runs away with someone new, they take all of their old problems with them. Unless they improve themselves, the chances of a future R working out any better than the past one aren't so hot.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Swashy, I have visited from time to time, keeping track of all the bow and arrows flung and such. I had to chime in for a couple of reasons. One-I think you have TRULY acheived what you set out for (well, at least half). I really think your self esteem is rather vast actually. You have found YOURSELF.
I have to agree with you Swashy on the unconditional love aspect of things. I actually think of it in different terms...I think of it more as non-judgmental. To be a FRIEND doesnt mean you are a doormat...it means that allow the person to be who they are...it doesnt mean that you contribute to it.
Second-I also agree with your take on that she will now have to start over and will most likely confront the same problems and hope for different results...as will you. But you have a "healthy" perspective so you are already ahead of the game.
Not much more to add with this vaccuum like mind I carry around but just wanted to at least throw a thought out there. You should be proud of yourself...even though you're a Pats fan! peace....
Wow..that is interesting Rob. We never know what path our lives will take. I do know that I am getting myself back to the person I used to be...but with more experience and knowledge. The person she fell in love with...and the person I loved. Gotta love yourself right? Not saying she will ever come back...don't think she will. Just saying that I had my very dark time and I am finding the true me again.
You are also right that stepping into a new R without first fixing your issues is a very bad idea. I know I have learned my issues through this and from all of you. I think she has learned some, seems happier at times but I think she still has a hard time implementing some of what she has learned. If they end up together, hopefully he can help her do that.
Whapu - thanks so much for checking and for the kind words....minus the pats comment! Moss???? hmmmm. A vast self-esteem....interesting. Thanks man.
Swashy, Being a Raiders fan (a heavy cross to bare) it was only just for us to try and pollute your waters of victory with a little moss. You know what "moss" can do to your lawn? Raider fans all over are conspiring and hoping this will occur to the well maintained lawn of the Pats! Sorry, just had to get that off my chest..peace
I am not scared of you Ian. I just think that you come across as an angry person. We all have issues on this board that we are dealing with, and I was just giving you my take on things as an outsider. I get the feeling that you think that you can "do no wrong" and that your opinion is always the correct one. It's ok for people to have differing opinions. This is, after all, a public forum.
As far as sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, well, Scott is one of my friends and I care about him. I follow his sitch and give input from time to time. I am not scared to voice my opinion. Also, I was not getting defensive, just offering my opinion. Your post, however, was very defensive. As far as self esteem, everyone on this board has some sort of self esteem issue from one time or another, so for you to say that you don't have that issue is just you being defensive. Ian, I think that sometimes you should take your own advice.
Oh, and I did read your posts. I REALLY read them. Read them more than once, then thought about it, and posted my opinion on what I thought unconditional love really means.
We may not agree on things, but I am not a bad person, Ian. I am a human being, with thoughts and feelings - just like you. Quite frankly, I am a sensitive person, and I am also very caring. I don't think I deserve to be spoken to in the manner that you communicate to me. I could have responded to you with a lashing, but I choose not to. I do care about other people and don't like to hurt people's feelings. I don't really see the need to argue about things. We are all adults and we can agree to disagree on things.
I hope you have a good time on your trip, Ian. I do care.
Kristy, I won't get deep into this because it is not something we need to do here. I will simply tell you that I had no issue with your initial post or your opinion, I understand and respect it completely. My issue was that you threw in the line at the end where you told me that I was putting my issues off on Scott and should look at my own self esteem. That in my opinion was your stab at me and what sparked the conflict.
I will apologize for my reaction, I do not take well to someone throwing something off on me. I agree you care about Swashy, and respect you have your opinions and offer him advice, that is a good thing.
I will simply ask you to not throw me in the mix with that as you and I have an understanding that we just do not get along and shouldnt get involved with each others sitch's.
So no hard feelings, sorry if you were hurt by my post.
My issue was that you threw in the line at the end where you told me that I was putting my issues off on Scott and should look at my own self esteem. That in my opinion was your stab at me and what sparked the conflict.
I wasn't taking a stab at you. I was just trying to point out what I see, and not just what I see in your posts to Scott..but just in general.
Quote:
I do not take well to someone throwing something off on me.
NOT TRYING TO TAKE A STAB AT YOU HERE ...but read this line over again.....Just want to point out that you throw things off on others in your posts here, but when you feel like it is being done to you, you don't like it. Just think about that.....
Apology accepted. Peace brother.
M: 29 H: 27 Married: 6/22/02 Bomb: 6/12/06 H moved out: 6/16/06 Signed D papers: 1/8/07 D final: 5/14/07
