I don't know if things are going well for my XH and the OW. On the surface yes, but they've just been married a year. The kids say they bicker about small stuff a lot and XH is feeling stress from not having "enough" money. That was a complaint in our marriage - that we fought (mostly about OW, but whatever) and our finances were not on solid ground. Now he's gotten out of our marriage but has the same problems (worse financially than we had it) - go figure?!
It will be interesting to see how time affects them. The WAS, in my case at least, got exactly what he claimed he wanted and was positive would make him happy. Whether he admits it or not, I don't think the quality of his life has improved. I'm sure he can name things that he likes "better" about OW - they are still in the newlywed stage - but when you weigh that with the damage and hurt caused to the kids, and add the stresses of dealing with ex-spouses, stepchildren, and financial support orders - I just can't imagine that in the final balance his life is "better" now than when we were together. Better than when we were fighting in the last months together, sure, since that amount of conflict was off the charts and unusual for our relationship - but not better than most of our 15 years together.
Maybe he would disagree and living with OW is worth it all to him - but on the surface he's just created a whole new set of problems for himself.
I'm friendly with a lady in her 60's whose H left her for OW 20 years ago. His 2nd marriage failed after 3 yrs. She never remarried, and now she and her XH get together (friendly only) for dinner and movies, and talk daily. The kids are completely grown and independent so this is just them rediscovering what they liked about each other. She says it never would have happened had he stayed with the OW - it would have been too painful and difficult for them to speak to each other.
I'm friendly with a lady in her 60's whose H left her for OW 20 years ago. His 2nd marriage failed after 3 yrs. She never remarried, and now she and her XH get together (friendly only) for dinner and movies, and talk daily. The kids are completely grown and independent so this is just them rediscovering what they liked about each other. She says it never would have happened had he stayed with the OW - it would have been too painful and difficult for them to speak to each other.
I think that is cool!
VJ39,
It is good they are rebuilding their R. Overall, I see this as profoundly sad. It is yet another case of someone’s selfishness negatively impacting several people. I wonder if he could go back, would he leave again? I also wonder if he had not left M for OW where they would be now? It seems to me they lost twenty years...
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 06/20/0702:45 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Having updated myself with many of the replies in this thread... seems conclusion is the same... Simply changing spouses does not seem to have much probability of success.
My XW's OM's kids (who live p/t with them) claim that their Dad acts like a little go-fer for my XW. Everyone observing situation thought it was an odd combintation... even her own parents who to their credit have moved to mature acceptance of the situation.
Frankly... in the view of many... he humiliates himself by tripping all over himself to please her. He shows preference to her over his own kids. She completely rules the roost and he won't stand up to her.
To some degree, I presume this is what she wanted. An @ss kisser who would do her bidding. He figured he would be sporting a little trophy wife on his arm... so it seems anyway. Yet the evidence suggests a lot of tension and unhappiness.
Whatever. I just want to protect my kids in all of this.
Oh ya... my D14 is great pals with my girlfriend of the past 2 years. She has really opened up to her and communicates feelings to her. It is a maturely developing friendship. We are taking our time in the R, doing counseling together, and trying to be as wise and practical as we can be. I don't think my kids experienced this on the other side.
I have been keeping up with you. I wish you all the best with life and gf; I really think YOU deserve it.
As for your exW, I guess she likes a pu$$y who will be her beck and call boy...... That is something else! I think you may be better off without her......
Take Care,
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Just found out that OM is displaying tons of anger around house. Indications are that he does not have the control he expects... my XW isn't putting up with it and his kids are getting old enough that they don't let him be the emotional bully anymore. I am friends with his XW ... daughter came home to her having Dad so angry at daughter, she burst into tears and is in fear of him.
If he pulls any of this sh1t with my kids... he and I will have a man to man.
Sound like a fun household? I wonder how much greener the grass is there?
Just found out that OM is displaying tons of anger around house. Indications are that he does not have the control he expects... my XW isn't putting up with it and his kids are getting old enough that they don't let him be the emotional bully anymore. I am friends with his XW ... daughter came home to her having Dad so angry at daughter, she burst into tears and is in fear of him.
If he pulls any of this sh1t with my kids... he and I will have a man to man.
Sound like a fun household? I wonder how much greener the grass is there?
Lol Chazz,
Whip his @ss if he gets out of line with your kids.
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
I thought I'd let you know what has happened in my situation. Ex hooked up with OW exactly 6 years ago. She was married with a son. Both ran around, lying and cheating until they were caught. Ex hadn't planned on being found out - maggot made SURE they were found out. You see - she wanted out of her M. She had hit on several married guys before finding a partner in my Ex. Of course she convinced him he was "EVERYTHING" to her. Yes - her "soulmate".
Now the strange thing is, that after I found out and we separated, he did not want a D. No way! She moved in with him. He tells it that her H and I "forced them to" when we found out. What a joke!
After 4 years, I went for the divorce - final now for 2 years. She had already divorced her H. I have never met this woman, though I saw her at a funeral once. I got out of my car to go in and she jumped out of her car so fast your head would spin. Ran right up my back!!! Very immature and insecure!
In the week of our divorce, she wrote to the editor of the newspaper telling how much my Ex loved her, called him her "fiance" and that they would be married soon. And they did - 2 months later. Wouldn't have been able to if I hadn't given the D. I figured they were both horrible - they should have each other. But that is how we found out about the wedding.
My children were not invited and would not have attended. They refuse to have ANY R with this woman. They were old enough to understand her part in all this.
Are they happy??? Recently Ex ran into my best friend. She asked if he was happy. He said yes. Funny, he is always miserable and angry. All the time. He lies to everyone. Co-workers say he became the nastiest man around when we split. Most people think he is NUTS!
Anyone who can be truly happy in such a situation is not dealing with a full deck. To find happiness at everyone else's expense is not true happiness (my opinion only).
But I think people can convince themselves that they ARE happy. Surely they live with less stress than those of us who have been emotionally turned upside down. Those of us who actually raise our children and deal with the day to day problems of single parenting. And those of us who are living on one income as opposed to their 2.
I believe that my children were God's greatest gift. I believe that getting custody of them and having the R (all the good and all the bad) is what life is all about. To live without is just a facade.
I hate to admit it but despite the fact I am happy in my new life. I have a nice house, good R with the kids and a wonderful new man - not a day goes by that I don't think about what happened and wonder "how could he do this to me"?
I will never know.
So, 6 years later tells me nothing. Maybe it will take forever. But judgement day will come. I'm just not waiting for it.
