To me the long task of rebuilding trust is hard. Just read half of the posts here and you will find it to be the key issue. We are all in the same shoes. How you deal with it will determine how far and how fast you go. That has kind of been my motto. However, if it all blows up in my face, I know I've done my best and left no stones unturned.
BeingMe--thanks for the thoughts on fear. I do believe that I've learned more about myself in facing this situation (which was one of my greater fears, though I never believed it would actually happen to me :P). I am a much stronger person for facing my fear, and I know I can handle whatever comes my way. It may knock me down, but it won't keep me down. And it won't break my faith. In God, in myself, in my marriage.
Phoenix--I appreciate the way you pointed out your thoughts on trust. I guess that though I understand the overall trust-building process on the surface, it's taking me awhile to internalize what it really means for me on a day-to-day basis. And that's what true learning is all about--the internalizing.
The other night as we were talking before going to bed, H off-handedly remarked that he had spoken with OW1 that day. He then told me what the office sitch involved. This surprised me, as I know he talks with her (often? on occasion? I can't really say) for work. I requested several weeks ago that part of the openness I'm needing from him includes telling me when he speaks with her. This was the first time he did so, and it meant a lot to me that he thought to share it with me. I am fully aware that an EA could be continuing...anything could be happening for that matter, but H's actions are so radically different from the nightmare of the past few years, I think he's being honest with me.
Another point in favor of H's sincerity: he stayed home last night after mentioning that he needed to run over to his dad's shop to do something--he just didn't want to leave. That may seem like a small deal, but in the last few years, he's been more than anxious to get out of here at his earliest convenience with or without a reason. It means a lot to me that he's feeling (or at least trying to feel) more comfortable in our home, with me.
I truly feel peaceful about continuing on this path. So I'll keep choosing my battles, keep my eyes open and my chin up. Love to you all.
Yeah, that small, still voice! I sometimes don't hear it, and have regretted it so many times. Humans! We just don't get it the first thousand times, 'eh!
You sound like you're in a good place, now Aud! Keep moving forward.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Aud, I really think you have hit a good stretch of Marital highway on this! (definitely deserve it!) When your spouse wants to stay home then that is more than a good sign. I certainly understand your fears and also believe that it took a lot of trust on his part to tell you about when he spoke with OW and again you deserve and earned it. All those bricks you laid down months ago are really making for a foundation to build your M back up on. I am really impressed and happy for you! I'm sorry that I seem like I am spewing sooo much praise but I really look up to you and how you have handled your sitch...peace
Amen to that. The fact that he will tell you what is happening is a huge step. Now the fight for you is how you will deal with it so that he will continue to do so. This will put your mind at rest, ease his fears, which will rebuild your R. Keep the momentum going.
Woah, where did ten days go? My internet connection has been spotty all month, grrr. I hope it smooths out for good soon.
I've been busy with so much going on--keeping house, some major landscaping, potty-training S3, chasing my newly walking D1, a few work projects thrown in here and there. I'm trying to learn Photoshop and hoping to get to some decorating and sewing projects soon. H still seems to have both feet in the door, and has spent a lot of time with us. \o/\o/\o/
The nagging thoughts and fears try to creep in on me every day: could he still be hiding a R on the side?...how bad it hurts to think of what he was up to a year ago (bomb anniversary coming up)...that up until several weeks ago, he really didn't care if he was with me or not, ugh. Can't focus on them though. They won't help me get to where I want to be.
I think I'm finding a good balance of talking myself through the fears without burying my emotions and turning my thoughts to what I have here and now. How grateful I am! I want to take such good care of this chance, to nurture it and watch it grow!
You're so right. It is so hard to stay focused on hearing the voice in the midst of the hubbub of life. I am trying to stay close to it, but find myself constantly distracted. Eh, I guess we just have to keep trying!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for stopping by. I think of you often, and check your blog regularly to see how you are doing. I hope that for all the pain and stumbling you are moving forward. You are stronger than you think hon. My prayers and good wishes are with you.
