Well guys, since relocating out of the Nuttiness City Limits, I've not got much to report. At least nothing over the top that used to made my stories interesting. LOL
I don't deal with all that craziness on a daily basis anymore, so not so much too say.
I still haven't found a rental. Although I have found a sense of calm. No happiness yet, but working on it. SO still contacts me all the time. I have gone over to his place (minus the kids, just "us") twice now. Once last week, once the week before. We hung out, ate dinner, watched movies & TV. Once at my request (I needed to get summer clothes for me & the kids); the next time he asked me.
He did ask me to come over last night - with the request coming yesterday morning and I declined. For several reasons. I think it got him wondering as I believe he completely expected me to say yes and when I didn't jump he kept asking if he'd done something wrong, etc, etc.
So, that's going slowly. Which is all right by me. (Didn't they used to say around here Slowee, slowee - catchee monkey or something like that??? For all you "oldtimers"!)
The first time I went over, he was Mr. Octopus. I almost ended up leaving becasue I was getting annoyed. Then, the 2nd time, he was the complete opposite - staying far over in a chair by himself. (see - they really do pay attention when you think they aren't.) LOL He did say that he didn't want to offend me. If anyone's seen Groundhog's Day, lol, I use that movie with him. Gotta keep trying until we get it right. That's the prevailing moral of that story. Hopefully mine, too.
On another note, he keeps postponing his meeting with the surgeon. (He did finally have a colonoscopy done.) They told him he needs surgery ASAP, with a minimum two week stay in the hospital to repair perforations in his intestines. Shrug. I ain't his momma, lol.
He's constantly asking what I'm doing, with whom, etc. Worried that I've "found someone else". I don't fall into that trap. Now that I'm "away" from him, I'm finding that I can deal so much better with him. On MY terms.
When I lived there, I couldn't see the forest for the trees. Now that I've stepped back, to use the DB term, I have completely dropped the rope. It's been good for everyone, I think. I'm more able to see the bigger picture. Identify some hot points and find solutions and work on resolving them. Our interactions with each other are so much more pleasant; relaxed, easygoing; and flirtatious.
Starting with the beginners mind. Yes, yes - I'm reading DB again!!! Felt it was time to go back and refresh my memory. Now that sitch has changed, it was time to re-read with my new perspective. It's been good. I went on Amazon (not knowing when I'd get back to the house to find my original copy of DR) and got DB, 5 Love Languages and 2 books pertaining to BPD. Lotsa reading material to occupy my nights before the Tylenol PM kicks in!!! And all four books for less than $40. whoo-hoo, I'd recommend everyone shop there first.
One interesting thing from SO - he's said over & over that I should leave my stuff there until I find a place to live. IMO, it has something to do with OW. I get that from some of the things he's said about her. I could be wrong, and I don't dwell on it - just a feeling I get. That it's some kind of "excuse" he's using with her to NOT move forward with their R. Does that make sense? Who knows, I could be way off, but that's how it comes across to me. (And, right now, since thinking about it, it doesn't bother me so much to leave the stuff there for now. If it becomes a problem, I can get it out in one day.) And NO, I've never asked about OW. He's brought things up to me on his own, with me responding (I hope) with a sympathetic & compassionate ear.
So, that's all folks. Sorry that my update may not be as interesting as they used to be. LMAO!!
You sound great, glad things are settling down and SO doesn't sound quite as crazy.
But, for pete's sake, you don't need to be managing his R with OW for him. Get your stuff out. I'm not sure what you hope to accomplish by trying. If your theory is correct, you have no idea if leaving your furniture there would prolong or shorten the R. No one does.
Get your stuff while he is sane and calm. The sh*t will hit the fan when the OW R reaches a crisis point again.
How is it that you think I'm trying to manage his R with OW? Quite frankly, my "stuff" being in the house doesn't make a damned bit of difference in their R either way. Given his lack of consideration & respect for me while I was living in the house, now that I'm gone she's been there. And he has told me she's been there. I don't know how often, nor do I ask. It's none of my business. I made sure to take everything that was "personal" of mine that I wouldn't want anyone privy to; and the rest of the stuff is down in the basement still in boxes from the last move. The kids rooms are pretty much the way they were when we lived there, but those are the only 2 rooms upstairs and he's got the upstairs closed off. And if OW really wants to go up there and look at the kids things, well, then let her.
I really didn't think my decision to be lazy and not move the stuff more times than I have to was trying to micro-manage his R in any subconscious way. I really thought it was just me being lazy. It's not bothering me; not bothering him, so what the hell. Leave it where it is until I can find a rental to put it in. ??
The choices he makes about his R with her are "HIS" choices. Whether she stays there overnight or visits or how he moves forward with that R. And, if he wants my stuff out, trust me, he'll tell me to get it out.
And, BTW OT, I'd stick my tongue out at you, but they seem to have deleted my favorite smiley face!
One interesting thing from SO - he's said over & over that I should leave my stuff there until I find a place to live. IMO, it has something to do with OW. I get that from some of the things he's said about her. I could be wrong, and I don't dwell on it - just a feeling I get. That it's some kind of "excuse" he's using with her to NOT move forward with their R. Does that make sense? Who knows, I could be way off, but that's how it comes across to me. (And, right now, since thinking about it, it doesn't bother me so much to leave the stuff there for now. If it becomes a problem, I can get it out in one day.) And NO, I've never asked about OW. He's brought things up to me on his own, with me responding (I hope) with a sympathetic & compassionate ear.
Could be why OT thought you were trying to manage their R
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Yes, it sounded as if you were basing your decision on whether to move your stuff on whether or not it had something to do with OW. It sounded like the only reason you were delaying moving your stuff.
P.S. In any case, it is still better to get things out while things are peaceful. Otherwise, you are really just begging for over the top drama and trauma when he loses it again. The tie of your stuff being stored is not going to make or break your R, but it can lead to needlessly unhealthy outcomes.
Thanks for taking the time to send me that info (how‘s the new practice going?), however, he’s pretty stubborn. A couple months back, when I still lived there, I both printed out and emailed him the info that you had sent me (this link, as well some other info you had sent regarding things the doctor should look for)….well, I don’t think he ever read the email, and the stuff I had printed out for him to bring with him to his doctor - well, let’s just say it’s probably still sitting on the counter where he left it. Shrug.
I ain’t his momma. LOL His health is his responsibility - (as is the rest of the matters in his life). There’s only so much I can do. Even when I was living there, I would make separate food for him -but, when he was out, I couldn’t stop him from buying the Twinkies…. You would think, after all his hospital stays, all the pain he has in his stomach - that he WOULD make some lifestyle & dietary changes…
Anyway - my friends wedding was this past weekend - I had a great time. Very, very nice. He was freaking out the whole weekend, constantly calling/texting me - he thought I was going to pick up someone or something…. Oh yeah - last week he sent me this email…before I went to the wedding…
“I'm very depressed that things are this way. I continuously go in a cycle NM, that I can not get out of. I know you dont want to hear me say this but....when you are gone, I miss you terribly, then when you are here, and I have nothing to do w/ her, that f*cks me up too. I really do love you but for some reason I'm so messed up, that things never work out.
Like right now, I wish she wasnt in my life so i could be w/ you. Then if that happens, something happens inside of me, that reverses it. That leads me to calling her too much, or bothering her, then when she comes back, I lose everything and miss you.
I need mental help, I know that. Theres not a day that goes by that I dont wish you all were back here, happy. If I could only overcome whats inside of me, I would be happy living my life w/ you Until then, I have to work this out on my own”
That, in a nutshell, is the crux of his problems. The endless cycles he cannot get out of. Oh yeah, then Saturday night, and Sunday - he left me messages both ending with ILY at the end of them. Shocked me, wasn’t expecting to hear that!! I had borrowed his car for the weekend (car vs. SUV, 3 hour drive - better gas mileage at $3.50 gallon!!)…When I returned the car, he was working so I left a note thanking him for the use and ended with “Love You”. I’ve been very cautious (I guess that’s the right word)….since his big revelation….
This weekend, he’s taking the kids Saturday/Sunday - he brought the travel trailer to his brothers 100 acres and invited me to hang out with them….I told him I would for a little while, that I would probably leave so that I didn’t intrude on his time with the kids, but maybe I would come back later in the evening. I’ll just wing it and see what happens.
Although I have found a sense of calm. No happiness yet, but working on it. SO still contacts me all the time. I have gone over to his place (minus the kids, just "us") twice now. Once last week, once the week before. We hung out, ate dinner, watched movies & TV. Once at my request (I needed to get summer clothes for me & the kids); the next time he asked me. 
