How long does Replay last?

[MidwesternGirl]

Still--I think it probably depends on the individual. My H was disinherited and is no longer welcome in his parents home until he gets rid of OW.

I think that they can come out of it based on what is waiting for them (such as you waiting for your H). I say this because in Jan., my H said that the only stability he has ever had in his life is with me and the kids. That tells me taht he can get thru this in his own time.

[Rollercoasterider]

If depression stems from unresolved childhood issues, and my H is now disowned from his father since our S, does that mean he will not come out of replay until those issues with his father are addressed/resolved?

First, issues are NOT resolved in Replay. Replay is the state where the issues are avoided. Dealing with issues begins in/with Liminal (Overt) Depression.

Second, for many MLCers the trigger is a death--and that is often the Father's death. The issues may have been with the Father, but they are internal.

HUGS,
RCR

[a new 2moro]

Holy crap batman! H's dad died in 2001, he lost the family business in 2003....denial i belive started in 2004 followed by anger 2005.....and falling into replay 2006 and still going strong.....I m still the cause of all his prpblems...I had it pegged

the part about it being mostly about the father fits soooo well....H could never please him or get his approval.

[still hoping]

It's funny how when I talk to my friends I know that none of them can relate, yet here I seem to have something in common with everyone!

Saw H tonight and he was very different - wondering if I was going to say anything about OW, I'm sure. He was very clingy towards S5, which he ususally isn't. At one point when we were alone was totally stuttering when he spoke to me, I almost had to laugh but held it in. I did good and didn't say anything or act differently. Had a good time with the rest of his family.

How long H will be in Replay, I really have no idea. Whether this is really a MLC or if he's just changed, I also can't say. I'm just happy to say that I'm ok and mean it.

[still hoping]

Been debating about whether or not to keep posting here - I don't feel the need to anymore now that I've decided to move on, but lately there have been times that H's behavior is showing the teeniest tiniest steps in the right direction. Makes me question my own detachment, although most of the time I think that realistically, I don't think I would ever be able to get over the extent of his lies and actions. It's easy to package them neatly in to the MLC box and say his actions starting from whatever date can't be counted and he never meant to hurt me. But, despite his intentions, it still hurts like hell and I don't think the trust could be rebuilt after all the lies he's told and continues to tell.

As far as his actions lately, he had S5 go home with me the other night instead of spending the night with him so that S5 could be with me on Mother's Day (he knows it's a big deal to me, although I didn't say anything about it this year). BUT, he could've been doing that for his own benefit - so he could go be with OW or because he didn't want to be around his dad the next day.

Then, he asked for him to sleepover tonight since he didn't over the weekend. He hasn't asked him to sleepover on a weeknight for 2 or 3 months. Earlier today, H messaged me twice - he initiated both times, also something he hardly ever does. First time was to tell me what he got for S5's birthday. Second time was to ask me to bring some of his work stuff from the house for him. No big deal actually, but just unusual for him to message me anything other than "What time are you dropping S5 off?".

The family invited me to stay for dinner, so I did. Not much conversation, but H and I actually shared a half-@ss laugh and eye contact for the first time in a long while (since we separated maybe?). Over something stupid - his shorts getting caught on the drawer as he was walking - but still, the fact that he looked at me to see my reaction was something.

I have to admit, I still have a hard time imagining him never coming home, whether I want him to or not. I'm fine without him, but when I think of how much S5 still wants him home, it breaks my heart. Can't stop wondering how it'll all end...

If he's poking his head out of the tunnel, what can I expect next?

[still hoping]

Yet another H-initiated TM today non-S5 related... He's starting to become financially responsible again.
That's more TMs this week than he's sent me all year.
But what does it all mean? I am reading too much in to nothing???
Friend thinks he's at an all time low. Can Replay and Depression happen at the same time?

[butterflymom]

Still Hoping,
My H had replay and depression at the same time. Depression sort of came at the tail end of replay. He was living with OW and severely depressed. So much so that he nearly attempted suicide (In the bathtub, gun in mouth, finger on trigger). He cried often and rarely if ever smiled, and was just generally down. He now admits that he was probably clinically depressed.

BFM

[still hoping]

bfm,
I posted on your thread. What a frightening experience that must have been for your H and all involved...
I feel like H is taking baby steps out of replay - although I think he's still living with OW and A has been on/off for 18 months. Having trouble telling if he's depressed or just cold towards me. Could just be wishful thinking that he's coming out of replay. But from the goals section in one of the books, I mentally noted that I would know things were getting better when he starts to initiate contact, which is what he's doing. Guess I will just have to continue on with my life and see what happens... If he actually calls to talk and/or asks to meet up, I'll definitely know things are changing. Again, will just have to continue living my life and see...

[MidwesternGirl]

".. But from the goals section in one of the books, I mentally noted that I would know things were getting better when he starts to initiate contact......"

You mean like any kind of contact? Phone, TM, in person????

My H has been doing this since March--just calls to say "I did this and I am not sure it went thru, can you check and see if the payment went thru on the computer........" Silly little stuff that he could do on the phone HIMSELF!!!

[a new 2moro]

I think sometime it is guilt appeasement the contact. I think seeing it as a change depends on the situation. Mine would and has txt for no reason the whole time. I avoid answering personal questions about me. my health, or what I do.....those are off limits.