Sashaying thru Seperation II

[mcojh]

Thanks HB.....the PMA is struggling today. That call kind of threw me for some stupid reason.

[mcojh]

Had a great time out with my buddy. I picked him up and my W was at his house. I was looking studly. A new shirt, relatively snug jeans and a very provocative cologne. I said hi to her, after she acknowledged me. I never went past the entry way. We all chatted for a few and I was charming and funny. When friend's W asked how I was, I replied "great, how are you?" I teased her and sort of flirted with her, in a mild way. We were off shortly and I made a group goodbye and made no special goodbye to W.

We went to dinner and bar hopping, and had a really good time.

[Aud31]

Good job MC. Glad you had a good time!

[mcojh]

Thanks Aud. It was a good time.

I saw W at a church Pot Luck. I again made no extra effort to talk to her initially. She seemed to seek me out a couple time to see what we were doing (I was playing cribbage with FIL and another couple).

The only thing that bugs me was I asked her if S6 could go home with her for a couple hours so S15 and I could go work out. She said she was busy and couldn't do it. I never asked what she was doing, but it ticked me off.

Later, she offered to me that she was going shopping for shorts for the boys because they had none. I told her that I had plenty to do at home and it was no big deal.

I went home and cut the grass and after I was done, I fell off the snooping wagon again. I looked at her cell records and saw that she called the FOM. Why does this upset me so???? What can I do to quit looking??? Why is she so attractive to me and so hurtful??? How can I get through this????

[mcojh]

Just ranting a bit here. Thanks to Theo for talking me off the pursuing ledge earlier today. I just get these feelings that I am losing my W more and more every day. Even though I see all the positives in our interactions and the positives IN ME, sometimes I feel like I am not even in "contention" for my wife to see the light.

Sometimes it seems like she is only doing things with me to pacify me so she has more opportunities to see the OM. I am sure that I am being over sensitive and over analyzing the situation, but with all of her lying, I get crazy.

HB, I don't know how you handled the seperation. I am 99.9999% sure that she is with the OM, as S6 has been calling her for the last 3 hours and she isn't home. He wants to tell her goodnight, because he never got a chance to say goodbye this afternoon. It is amazing how long it takes to shop for kids shorts I guess. I guess I am just having a really bad bad day.....

[SuperDad]

MC,
Sorry you're having a rough day. You are doing really great in many ways, maybe if you focus back on your initial goals to get some perspective on how far you've come it will help? Maybe you need to set some new goals? I know I do and am going to start working on that this week.
Take care of yourself, SD.

[mcojh]

Thanks SD. I am really at the end of my emotional rope right now. I cannot handle the fact that she is spending time with the OM. I went and talked to a supportive friend and I just lost it. I cannot stop the emotions right now. Her lying and commiting adultery is wearing on me and her game playing is tearring me up inside. I cannot go on like this much longer. Her hurting me and ripping my heart out has to end. Detached or not, I am becoming an emotional wreck and I cannot live this way.

No smiles, no waves.....

[Yoyowife]

MC,
I'm so sorry that you are feeling such intense pain. I know what you mean about being an emotional wreck. Just when you think things are improving slightly they throw you a a curve ball. Take care of yourself and enjoy your children. Know that we are all going through ups and downs and we are here for you.

[mcojh]

Thanks yoyo. I just don't know how much more I can endure. I know she is home now, b/c she called, and I didn't answer. I assume that she was returning S6's call. Unless I learn otherwise, I have to assume she spent the day with the Ahole. That hurts me to no end. It does however give me the strength to quit pursuing her. I plan to minimize all contact for as long as possible. I am just so so tired of the fight right now. I almost think that if she filed for a D it would be a relief......that is so sad.....

[Yoyowife]

I know what you mean about not knowing how much more you can take. The OW in my case is his secretary who has filed for D from her husband. So they are together everyday. It hurts so bad. I'm like you sometimes I wonder if D wouldn't be better, but I guess I'm a glutton for punishment because I continue to stand for my M.

I guess the hardest thing to understand is how they can also walk away from the children. I'm so glad that you have the children I know they bring you so much comfort, but how in the world can she stand to be away from them? I'm not trying to slight you by saying you're not important, but the children would definitely be a big reason for me to stay in the M and try to work it out. My H has done the same thing. He only sees them every now and then. They are busy with friends and activities. I see them a lot more because they live with me. It's hard to believe our spouses would rather spend time with OP than family. I know I'm assuming, but they sure don't give us much reason to think otherwise. They are definitely not their normal selves. Please, let the fog lift.