I think this is the first thread I've started in a long time that hasn't started off with ranting, raving or drama....hmmmm....less drinking, H has been here a lot recently...not getting my hopes up or anything...just observing and noticing. By tomorrow things could all be different again...MLC
I had the best Mother's Day ever! Last year H took S4 to OW's house as I was out of town, H had only known OW a few months!
S4 gave me a Happy Mother's Day kiss when he got up this morning. I made breakfast, the plan was to go mini-golfing. H and S4 took a shower and than ran to the store. While I was waiting for them to return SS20 shows up with a dozen roses and a "Mother's Day" card with a note thanking me of the things I do! I told SS20 that I was going to cry and then gave him a big thank you hug!
Right about that time H and S4 get back with a card and a coupon for a free round of golf at the golf course near our home!
We eat lunch, SS20 leaves as he had plans for the afternoon and then was going to visit his mom. H, S and I do go minigolfing...we had soo much fun! H and S took a go cart ride and then we came home.
My mother had a cook out at her house, which she called at about noon to invite us too. H asked me if I was going, since it was such short notice? I said yes and I then said does it surprise you...our famiy is like that or should I say our mom.
So as we're coming back from mini-golf H is all on edge..yelled at me to get going through a stop light that had just turned yellow! Which I couldn't do since there was a motorcycle in front of us who didn't go through! Then directed me through some traffic. I told him he was invited to my parent's and he said "no I'm not" I said well you are and I left it at that. We had to drive right by my parent's house and I kind of thought of just stopping there with H, but didn't. drove to our house, dropped H off and then went back to my parents house.
Now we're home and H is gone.
I had a fantastic weekend and wonderful sons and an H who is my friend.
Quote: I had a fantastic weekend and wonderful sons and an H who is my friend.
Yeah. Always look for the positives. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is the thread when things really move along CONSISTENTLY in the direction you want them to. Big hug, Slowly
Whatever you are doing; it's working! You have the patience of a saint!
Glad you had a wonderful Mother's Day!
I think patience and persistance is the key to most sitches. Sitting back and just "watching"; like a bystander not attached to the situation; is for the best.
I have a good feeling about your new thread. I think it has everything to do with your outlook on this! It's contagious; when I grow up I want to be like you! LOL
Well H showed up shortly before I was putting S4 to bed. H was at his bar, drinking I assume. I don't have to ask sometimes S4 hounds him. Told his dad he smelled like pizza and H said "pizza" and then asked me if he smelled like pizza. I smelled his shirt and said "you smell like a bar!"
H layed with S4 until he fell asleep, then went off to his bedroom..thought maybe he'd stop and see me. It's been over a week since we've so H must not be missing it too much.
I got up earl to do the treadmill, H came down to see me, irritated, took my book that I had on the treadmill threw it on the chair, says to me "what lies did you tell you family as to why I wasn't there?" I said I didn't lie, just said you didn't come. Then H wanted to know who was there, who asked about him. I hope some day H will feel comfortable enough to come to my family functions. Which makes me wonder why it was so easy for H to take S to OW's last Mother's Day, where her family was gathered? Just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable, a married man bringing his S to OW's house, oh yeah, forgot he let our S sleep there one night, also!!! Just shows they were not THINKING of anyone but themselves!!!
Oh and H just called her to chat. Asked me if I had my lawyer lined up? I said for what? H said for your lawyer for your divorce? I said "should I?" then told H I had to get work.
Quote: My mother had a cook out at her house, which she called at about noon to invite us too. H asked me if I was going, since it was such short notice? I said yes and I then said does it surprise you...our famiy is like that or should I say our mom.
So as we're coming back from mini-golf H is all on edge..yelled at me to get going through a stop light that had just turned yellow!
Cathy - do you think it's possible HE had plans for the rest of Mother's Day with you? That maybe he was disappointed that you were going to your family without asking him first if he had other plans for the two of you? Maybe reaching here, but he seems to have a real issue with you not showing your love for him (yes, I know it's carzy) - so if he DID have some other ideas for how the two of you (or three of you) were going to spend the rest of the day, maybe you blew them up?
For instance - just imagine that maybe he had thought to take you out for dinner for Mother's Day. He's feeling kind of good about himself, has done some nice things for you , etc. Then you suddenly come up with this change of plans without consulting him. So now he feels left out of the decision making, unimportant, etc. So he gets irritable, goes out and drinks.
What would it hurt if you told him "gee, honey, I really appreciated the things you did for me yesterday. I just realized that it may have been totally insensitive of me to make those sudden plans with my mom, when you might have had some plans of your own for us. I'm terribly sorry if that was the case, I wouldn't want you to feel unappreciated when I was actually thinking how sweet it was of you"
Argghhh...can you see me hitting myself in the head!!!
We were going to go a little further for our miniature golf outing and decided not to because of rain. H asked me if we did take the drive would I still go to my mom's when we got home and I said yes. H said even if it's after 7 pm...I said yes...I wanted to give her a card.
I did thank H and S last night for making Mother's Day special.
Deep down I think it was the issue of my family. I don't think my H feels welcome there, even though he would be, because of what happened and wishes he could come to these events--I have four brothers who all hunt and fish. So his "stress" was because of that more than that if he had plans for us...IMHO. It happened at Easter.
But you are right about the family thing. My H and S are my family, yes it's nice to see my "family" and H's "family", but I think I should be more considerate of OUR family FIRST. Giving me something to think about anyway.
I think my one SIL was there under pressure, too. She told me she wanted to spend the day in her pajama's, but then got the call about dinner and so they were there, too. She's very family and said to me at Xmas that "I supposed we won't see your H anymore" She is very forgiving. My niece (SIL's daughter) works at a convenience store and a coworker of my H's stopped in to purchase a few things a couple weeks ago. Niece saw the name on his shirt was the same company H worked for and asked him if he knew my H (her uncle.) And the guy said "yeah he's a nice guy" to which my niece replied "I think he's a f****** A**" The coworker let my H know what she said and H retold me the story. And then my H said "your whole family probably feels the same way" My niece is 20 and mouthy...I think this age group tends to see thinks more black and white, but what do I know.
I'm sorry your h has been up and down lately. He is really trying to needle you about "your lawyer for your d." Don't take the bait. As for his not wanting to visit with your family, it's all part of the mlc mind. Not many mlcers want to socialize with family, especially their spouse's family. It's all part of their withdrawing from the world they knew. It will be awhile before he feels comfortable visiting with them again. Don't think it's because he doesn't like your family.
That is a part of the lessons. That is what HB explained to me. As much as you love your own family, they are not your family anymore. Your son and your husband are. They take top priority over everything else. That is a hard lesson to learn and one that I had to learn as well and am still learning.
so H must not be missing it too much.