Last night I biked 13 mi. w/my sister and friends w/bike club. They had a picnic after and then I went out for a beer w/my one new gf.
I got home (intentionally late), but H was not home yet. I dropped my stuff in the house and went back out to feed the dogs. H pulled in. He stood there and I walked right past him. He snickered. I fed the dogs, got ready for bed and went into our room.
I smiled really big and said, "Hey Stranger! Were you laughing at me??" Totally teasingly/jokingly. He said, well, not really you, but the situation. It's like you're giving me the cold shoulder-we do live in the same house, we could be hospitable." (He's smiling too) I said, "YOU told me not to talk to you!" smiling and laffing again. I put my arms out, he put his out, we hugged for a couple min. and kissed a couple times. I started to cry a little. He asked how I was. I said "good. you?" He said something like he is surviving or getting by. I said that this has been really good for me. He said it was really good for him too. (the break. good how, I don't know! Good as in, yep i want to leave you, or good as in, i can see more clearly now?) So, I told him that I didn't want him to leave for a few days w/o me saying goodbye, so I hugged him goodbye. I then went to sleep in my room. I didn't see him this morn. and I'm not going home this afternoon BECAUSE I don't want to see him leave. It's still really hard. I really hate this, but at least I feel better about it this week than I did last week.
I have a goal- It's to remember Karen. I was talking to some bicyclers last night about climbing. I'm going to make a post on the website looking for ppl to climb outdoors, maybe go camping in W. VA, etc. I must climb! It entails much more. I'll write more later.
I've got lots of plans this weekend. Fun stuff! I'm not going to be home when H gets home on Sunday.
Hi Karen~ WOW I see your interaction as very positive.
I think it also speaks volumes as to what he is/has been wanting. I see this as his request for space, but he is definatly feeling the "cold shoulder".
Take his que to mean he is appreciative of the space, but perhaps your body language and lack of eye contact are sending the wrong message?
You can still limit your contact or conversations, but when you do pass each other, a smile while making eye contact might be a good thing?
Just my thoughts...
Sounds like you have a good weekend planned. Focus on YOU and have a good weekend.
I think your H is giving you signals here on how to proceed. He wants his space, but he still wants your friendship. Which, I think, is a great place to DB from!
So be friends with him. Do the things you would do for a friend--listen, validate, small things. You know what I mean?
Hi Water & Nev, Yes, I think that that is a good sign that he wants to be friendly. And I think it was great that he was so smiley. (And so was I-go karen, go karen).
I'm having so many mixed emotions right now. I've been praying about this R for years, I wish I felt more resolve.
I realize that I need to resolve these feelings~suggestions are greatly welcomed.
I am so angry/sad that he is on this trip w/o me. Yet, I hope it turns out good in that he really misses me and never wants to go camping w/o me. I am also angry b/c it was L & I who set up the dates and started the planning (but, yes, they are "his" friends) and that I am the one that got HIM into camping!!
I'm angry about the lies and how he blames me for everything that is wrong in the R. He did admit the other night that he didn't go about things in the right way, however. I am tired of his resentment and getting treated like I am second rate. (Call me stuck up, but I've never had a man not be more desirous of me). That sux. I hate not being told ILY and nice things.
Ok, back to me-for every finger pointing the other way, there are 3 pointing back at me, correct??? Here goes: I've been treating him poorly by not appreciating and accepting him for who he is, for being so demanding, for not trusting him, for embarrassing him in front of his friends, for not loving him w/his LL, for not being happy for him-but instead jealous and resentful, for trying to control him, for not believing in him, for not having faith in our R.
I felt a lot of ambivalence before we got married and after. We are diff. in a lot of ways. I don't like to sit still for very long. I like to travel a lot (and there ARE cheap ways to do so). I like adventure. When we were dating, he was all about trying new things and going places. Now, I get a lot of "no's" to doing stuff. I bought him an anniv. present, but I'm afraid he's not going to go through w/mine. (take me somewhere to spend the night). My bday is in a few weeks. (Will I get jilted like I have for other holidays). (And then get blamed for it myself?)
I'm tired of him wittholding affection-yet, that's what I do myself. They say that you hate in others what you hate in yourself. This should be a huge warning sign!!! Do unto others...It only takes one to tango...Yes, I am resistant to being the one to have to change. Stubborn? Afraid of being controlled myself? Afraid to be taken advantage of? Afraid to have the wool pulled over my eyes??? Yep-all of the above.
I lack faith-will he ever be to me what he once was before? Will he be better than that? Will he make the changes that he promised to make before we got married? Can we have a great R? Did we ever have a great R? Yes...when??? I know somewhere in these posts over the last year we have.
I was so inspired by Michele's "Getting Through to the Man You Love." And I practiced it-for six weeks. Then what happened? I WAS really happy, I was bragging about how great things were and how it was really working...then what???
I shall go find it...
thanks for listening. I want to get through this once and for all!
Well, I made it through the weekend. Sat. went to shower and out. Got home really late. Sun. slept in, H came in (we said hi across rooms), he laid down in our room. I went to lunch w/friend and to her house to scrap.
Went home. H didn't come home until 9something. I went in to ask about where some pics were taken (yes, a ploy). I asked if he wanted to hug. he said sure. so, we hugged and talked a few. i said, "well, i'll get out of your space." He just shrugged. I inquired about the shrug. He told me this is hard. I asked which part? he said all of it. I told him that I missed him.
For some reason i started to chew on his leg. He said i was being how he wanted me to be all the time. (Then he said, "well, most of the time." I said, "what's diff.?" he said he couldn't put his finger on it. I said that this has been a serious kick in the butt. so, i start nibbling on him and stuff. he said he didn't want me to get the wrong idea. i said, "what's that?" he said, "that everything is going to be turned around b/c of this." I said that we could go back to being broken up after. he laffed. He asked if he could ask me a Q. I said sure. He said, "you said you had something to wear for our anniv. What was it?" I said, "do you want to hear about it or see it?" He said either. So, I got up and told him to find a certain song that I had on the CD player and went to put on my outfit! I called him into the hallway where it is dark, but could still see some, and the rest was history.
Started to fall asleep on his shoulder, but got up. Went to the bathroon, then went to my room. He came in and gave me a really nice hug and went back to our room.
This morn. I hugged/kissed him goodbye. He is taking the day off.
I plan on just going along as we have. Will he ever come after me???
He has made a couple comments during this which are hard for me to decipher. At the beginning of this he said it was hard b/c he was used to having companionship w/"somebody." (Like you mean ME???). Then last night he said he'd been getting really horny. I did ask "for anyone?" He said no. (But didn't say ME). He didn't come right out and say that he is missing me, but just that this is hard. ?? I figure he's not going to come right out and be mushy gushy right now...which is my goal...eventually.
Supposed to bike w/friend tonight, but i really think i should take dogs to park. I haven't spent any time with them since last weekend.
Took dogs & nephews to park last night. That was a fiasco. Talked to BIL for a while.
Feeling sad today. I miss H. Yesterday I kissed him goodbye, and then hello. Later, when I came home again, I just said hello and walked past him. I went to bed, he watched TV. This morn. I left w/o saying goodbye.
I want to be with him, but I also want to give him space. Should I attempt to talk to him? Last week he wanted me to leave him alone, Sunday he didn't. But, he was also horny.
I think talking is good. Your H has implied he wants to be friends, and friends talk.
So you start a conversation on something neutral--what's on TV, the kids, that sort of thing. If he's not receptive, then just find something else to do. If so...well...there's your answer.
Hi Ladies, How are you? I'm ok. Last night I got home before H. He later came home, we said hi to each other. I was in my room for a while, he got on the computer. I went in and asked if he wanted a hug. I said, "you can say 'no'." And he said, "How profitable would it be if I lied?" I said, "so you DO want a hug?" and he said yes. We hugged and chit chatted for a few min. then I went to bed.
This morn. as I was getting ready to leave he came out to the kitchen. He asked if he could use my truk today and asked me to sign a check that was made out to both of us for an escrow refund. I said yes, and signed. He got his bike out of his car, then I fed the dogs and got all my stuff. He left the keys in the car and retreated to the back of the house. So, I left w/o saying goodbye. So, what was that??? What do I do now??? WAIT? and WAIT? I'm afraid if I keep pursuing him, then the see saw will tip over and he won't pursue me. But, he's also v. stubborn and I wonder if he ever WILL pursue me!
thanks for input, Karen812
ps. got a few highlights in my hair, but i can barely see them! stylist said they will lighten up in a couple weeks, and that i can add more-she wanted me to get a feel for them.
Quote: He left the keys in the car and retreated to the back of the house. So, I left w/o saying goodbye. So, what was that??? What do I do now??? WAIT? and WAIT?
He might have said the same thing about you!
IMHO, I don't think saying goodbye is pursuing. You might be coming across as distant--you want to seem receptive, but not like you're holding your breath.
Ask him how his day is. What movies he wants to see. If he's read any good books lately. How his bike ride went. That's just being interested, not pushy.
And if trying to get him to pursue you doesn't work...well..time to try something else.
Should I attempt to talk to him? Last week he wanted me to leave him alone, Sunday he didn't. But, he was also horny. 
You might be coming across as distant--you want to seem receptive, but not like you're holding your breath.