OK, how many guys agree with the Hite Report statement that men feel closer to their sig others through ML?
And, if you think it's true that a man feels love through ML, then what do you think about my H's behavior?
I am specifically talking about the way he will only rarely touch me or open his eyes and look at me during ML.
Am I wasting my time ML with H? Or do you think that he will feel something for me no matter if he touches me with his hands or looks at me or not? Don't get me wrong, I love to be with my H, but I wouldn't have been trying to do it so much if I thought it wouldn't bring us closer.
In my heart, I believe his not touching me during ML is his way of staying distant because he is afraid.
Just want to know if this whole "men feel closer and more love after ML" is ALWAYS or only with participation.
I have two things I wanted to talk about with you. One of them is that you are such a very busy lady. You know I was like that also. I was working, going to school, keeping a house, taking care of three kids, and was very active in youth organizations.
Now that I am alone and have had the time to sit back and reflect on my marriage and my life in general. I think that what I was doing was looking to replace what was missing in my marriage...the filling of being needed and appreciated.
Of course what I see now is that I needed to dedicate myself to fixing the problems at home. Not looking for something outside.
Of course I'm not saying don't better yourself...goodness you deserve a ton of credit for that, but do think about some of the volunteer work you do. Is there someone you could spin some of it off to?
As for the question of ML with your husband. I have to tell you that toward the end of my marriage, that's what I experienced with my H. It scared me because it hadn't been the way he had been in the past. It seemed to develope over time. It's almost like love making was becoming just sex.
I'm sure there are other people who would have different opions, but for my STBXH and I...that's what it seemed like.
State Flower
"It's not what happens to you, it's what you make of it." Zig Ziglar
For most, that would be an astute observation. In a past R, I did work hard to try to escape from home.
In this sitch, I was working hard so that I could become independent from working full time so that I could go to vet school and still pay my bills. Real estate investing was supposed to do that, but I lost heart when the bomb dropped and only have one rental now. My volunteer work for the dogs and cats is actually so that I have animal experience so I can get into vet school. All the work I was doing was so that I could get into vet school and follow my life long dream. My H encouraged me to go back to school, and I took him up on it full throttle.
Unfortunately, it was the beginning of the end for me. I'm an all or nothing type of gal, and I went into this veterinary project with all I had, leaving my H behind in the dust.
I no longer even care. I am going to finish getting my three degrees I am working on now-Biology, Chemistry and Physics-I'm only four classes away, and then I may or may not apply for vet school. After that, I may or may not apply to learn veterinary surgery. I get satisfaction from working with animals, I don't have to come up with the cure for cancer anymore. Maybe one day I'll write a book about what I know, but that's it.
I feel like I sound disheartened, but I'm not. I just finally realized that my H and M mean so much more to me than a stupid career. Hiking in the wilderness, taking off with our dogs at a minute's notice, going on adventures in other countries, having someone to share my life with, my trials and tribulations and what I've learned, my growth.
Until the bomb, we grew together. After, we have grown apart. I want that closeness back, I want a partner to share my soul with. That is so much more important to me than some silly job.
So, yes, I have gotten rid of many of my volunteer jobs. I have two left, and one will be gone soon, as soon as I do the books for 2003 and get the taxes done for them, they will have to find someone else to be the Treasurer for them. I was Director of Education for one organization, and gave that up. I sat on the board of several organizations, and now am only on two.
Pretty much, 2004 will be about phasing out that part of my life, cutting out clutter and simplifying. Getting back to being able to leave the house at the drop of a pin and take off for the weekend. Learning and growing, hopefully together.
Hiya Rott, Well here are my thoughts. I'm not sure it is a male vs. female thing. If you put yourself in his position, I bet you would come up with the correct answer. If you were ML to him but forcing your eyes shut and absolutely no contact, only wrist holding, etc, would it make YOU feel emotionally close to him? Probably not.
However, the bright side to all this is the mere fact that he IS trying so hard to escape his true feelings about you by resisting anything that makes him feel something for you--and it appears that there are a lot of things that make him feel something for you.
So my vote is to by all means continue with the lovemaking. In my opinion (whatever that's worth, lol) there is no faster way to re-establish intimacy between two people. It is such an inherently intimate act. He is struggling with this fact and trying to keep it un-emotional. It sounds like he is failing at this endeavor, though, so keep up your good work!
