Cut to theme of The Twilight Zone once again... because Mr. Wonderful has made the same statement more times than I care to remember.
Karen, I'll be back on tomorrow morning (it's my early day at work) and will ponder your post on your own thread there after a good night's sleep. (I have to go make my bed now because D7 accidentally peed in it this morning...)
I phoned Mr. W. from my cell on my way to my hair appt tonight. He asked where I was, and I told him I'd just gone to get weighed. I told him I'm now down another pound--for a total of 14. He cheerfully commented, "I looked at you from behind and thought you are looking pretty thin... I mean good." Note to me: Why doesn't he seem to want to jump my bones? Maybe Mr. Winky won't cooperate when depressed?
Second note to me: I don't think I remember what a Mr. Winky looks like...
So I came waltzing in the door tonight, sporting my updated red do, which was all trimmed and looking sporty for Easter and my upcoming trip to Seattle and he doesn't even have a comment. Damn, I think he might be gay now.
Anyway, Berto, I'm heading your way. Karen and LNL, I'll check back with you tomorrow morning!
Hugs to all,
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Second note to me: I don't think I remember what a Mr. Winky looks like...
Okay, I have only seen around three of them in my life...(NO LAUGHING!), but they're kind of well, dammit I am blushing... Maybe you should just ask him how his Mr. Winky is or if he will show it to you?
It's great when that is the most profound thought I can contribute to someone's thread...
Red, hm? Saucy...
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Hey Betsey- I had to laugh at your post because I've thought two of those same thoughts: 1. What does a Mr. Winky look like, it's been so long!?! 2. H has definitely got to be gay, it's the only explanation!!
Dazed--I feel the joyous need to break out into song today. This one's for you, baby:
Never saw you look quite so pretty before. Never saw you dressed quite so lovely, what's more. I could hardly wait to keep our date this lovely Easter morning, And my heart beat fast as I came through the door for:
(chorus) In your Easter bonnet with all the frills upon it, You'll be the grandest lady in the Easter Parade. I'll be all in clover, and when they look you over I'll be the proudest fellow in the Easter Parade. On the Avenue, Fifth Avenue, The photographers will snap us And you'll find that you're in the rotogravure. Oh, I could write a sonnet about your Easter bonnet And of the girl I'm taking to the Easter Parade.
Ah, what memories I have of Mr. Winky--I mean Easter in my bonnet...
I've been laughing since I read your post, so you've already made my day!
Now I need to respond to Merrick and head over to a few more threads before I return to doing sales tax returns.
GO AVS!!!!!
Meredith, if you're reading this, I know you're a happy camper today. I'm really missing you and Pam this week...
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
You ready for the Islanders tonight? Didn't our guys look pretty good? I watched most of the game through the 3rd period, but had to turn off the light at around 10:30 due to total exhaustion. I was pleasantly awakened with good news this morning.
About your words yesterday... you've probably hit as close to home as anyone ever will. I've been mulling your words over in my mind since you shared them.
You are definitely not playing with fire with me... especially mentioning Retrouvaille. As I said before, it's one of the many tools available when it is appropriate to use. Right now, I'm going to do a bit of fence sitting and see if he's not a little more willing to work on SOMETHING in the near future.
If you have any other ideas that don't involve him in the solution right now, bring it on. Otherwise, I'm feeling awfully good and detached right now.
TTYL!
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey- No need to miss us! We're always here for you. I have to admit, I do miss Meredith's presence here. A LOT. And, I'm quite sure I'm not the only one.
Bets, I have been thinking way too hard about your whole sitch lately. I said that you sounded "centered," and I was really feeling that. But, I have to admit, I wonder if there's still too much confusion at play. I know you don't want Mr. W back the way he is. No one blames you. And I know you want an end to this limbo. Of course you do. I worried when I read how much you were passing off his phone calls- to the point that he assumed you weren't talking to him. I worried when you seemed to be at peace with this. There's a fine line, of course, as you can't be a sniveling wreck about it, as that won't change things a bit. BUT, I wondered over the lack of enthusiasm over the pursuit. I hope you don't mind my ramblings here. I will be the first to concede that you have so much more common sense than I ever will. I just like to put things on the table.
And, I hope this comes out right- (If you're offended, it didn't!) I see that you get lots of affirmation on this BB. Lots is an understatement. You are the queen, with many faithful DBers bowing at your feet. I wonder how this affects your r with Mr. W? He cannot compete with what you get here. I wonder how much that plays into how little his comments (like about your weight loss) begin to mean to you?
Bets, I'm not insinuating ANYTHING here. SO, please, don't jump to that conclusion.
Far be it from me to not enjoy a little penis talk every now and again! It's not that...it really isn't. It is more the affirmation question...
I wonder how much more of yourself you are here? When was the last time Mr. W saw that side of you? I know you were Bob Barkering him, but, when has he really seen you with your guard down, like you are here? Does it ever cross your mind that we all seem to "get you" so much more? If so, I am just offering the gentle reminder that we are also seeing the "real" you. The real you NOW. It is going to take more time for Mr. W to let go of the old you and embrace this one.
As you are well aware, Mer and I write just about daily. Her letters make me laugh so hard at times. I look forward to every one of them. The thought did occur to me that I once felt this way over a certain someone else. I liked being funny, I liked being smart. Was it a void that I just needed filled? Could I have avoided a lot of heartache if I had found you and Mer first?
I do know that every ounce of affirmation from Meredith (and you) means the world to me. But, every crumb from H means the same. It was more than I was getting for a while, and heck, eventually all those crumbs will come together to form one huge cake! (renewal of vows cake?) You still in for one fugly (I hope you know this word- if not, it is 2 words put together!) bridesmaid dress???
I admit, this post is scattered. As are my thoughts. But, as one of those faithful followers, I am certain if anyone can make sense of it, you will!!!
PamC - You are not alone in missing Meredith...I got an e-mail from her the other day, and I realized that I SO miss her clarity, insight, and sense of humor. I needed to think about the e-mail, though, so I haven't answered yet.
That was a really thought-provoking post, Pam, and I am going to go hide in my cave and think about it, too. I have some things to mull over as well. So, thanks! Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
I could NEVER be offended by your post. It was honest and caring. And that's what matters the most.
I'm going to attempt to make a weak explanation on my life as it stands right now. The only confusion I feel right now is about the path that I will ultimately take. Otherwise, my head and heart are completely intact and not as scattered as I may seem.
The reason I avoided talking to him last week was because I really did not want to be down. I had the chance to get away with the girls and see people I haven't seen in a really long time, and I wanted to enjoy being with them.
Mr. W. has a tendency to tell me stuff I don't want to hear when I'm not in town. Wow, I just realized this! Maybe he feels better about being honest with me when he knows he won't see me for a few days... guilt? remorse? fear? I dunno.
I wasn't avoiding him just to make a point or to just plain avoid him. It was a means to keep my attitude and emotions in check. He did become the subject of conversation numerous times, and one of them I burst into tears. My cousin and his wife just sat there and hugged me while I finished. (I love them both.)
Pam, the person you see here is the person I've always been. I was not voted class clown, but I'm sure if I hadn't been so shy back then, I might have been a contender.
Mr. Wonderful fell in love with the me you see here. But you've now brought a few things to light, and I should probably address them. Two years ago, we spent my 40th birthday back in California--with the friends who have been part of his life for the past 20 years and my friends since I've known him.
After they found out we had split, a couple of his really good friends came forward. They had noticed some changes in him that they didn't like and were concerned for me (the drinking being #1). Two of them told me on separate occasions that it was very clear to them that he was the wind beneath my wings...
That is, my personality is one that can easily take center stage. I know enough about myself to know that I don't act self serving--it's usually in the capacity to bring people together with humor. It's a childhood role that has carried forward to now, and I like that part of myself.
Anyway, they seemed to be concerned that he had maybe chosen me for those attributes and then felt that he couldn't compete with me? I don't know. I've always been one who speaks well about him in the company of friends and discuss his projects and accomplishments in a glowing light. We are just different people. I like the differences between me and others--it makes life interesting.
And if you think I have attention here, my personal life is full of it. I am a good friend and devote a lot of energy keeping up with family members and friends. And that includes some of his family members. I do it because I value others. In turn, they value me.
Side note: When we got to my mom's house, the phone started ringing off the hook. D10 sighed and said, "Gram, why does it keep ringing?" My mom just smiled and said, "Honey, when your mom comes home, people love to see her. You forget that this is her childhood home--she has lots of people who really love her here. Just accept that."
It used to really bug me that I couldn't have 10 minutes to myself when going home. In fact, it's exhausting. But the fact is I would much rather have my life this way than not having anyone in it.
For the few years prior to his exit, Mr. W. used to get pissed when I'd return a call to a friend or devote a half hour to writing a letter... I found this perturbing, because he was usually outside sulking with his beer and playing with his moustache. Avoiding me. So why did it piss him off that I was doing something important to me?
Ach well, I will probably never know.
My point? The person you see here is just a written side of my physical self. It's almost always present. I've had to subdue it around him because it seemed to piss him off more than it helped our sitch. So the person I usually am around him is a modified version of my normal self... though I do joke around with him and listen to what he's saying.
Remember, he still thinks of me as his best friend. That means that I'm the only one he tells stuff to. I have become really good at listening to him and validating him as well as ask questions. He rarely asks me anything personal about myself. Sometimes I just exuberantly volunteer information. Most of the time, I get a weak smile and a comment, "That's nice."
BTW, I did chat with him yesterday (while rebooting my PC). I specifically addressed his comment about me not wanting to talk to him. I apologized for how that seemed, but let him know that talking to him while in VA was just too hard. He said he understood. I let him know that I wasn't deliberately trying to be a witch, but that I had my limits and while out of town, that one had to be present for my own sanity. Again, he said he understood.
He then apologized for making the comment and assuming something that wasn't wholly true.
Pam, I'm really tired of him. I don't enjoy being around him anymore. He's not fun or funny, and I don't find anything remotely interesting in the subject of HIM 100% of the time. It's a boring story to me now.
My mind isn't made up, though. I still hold out hope that maybe he will find some reason to come swing the bat and get back into the game when he sees he can still hit the ball and run bases. But if his true desire is to continue to be a spectator, I'm going to take my game on the road. I can only stand alone in the infield for so long before I realize that this game is rained out... permanently.
The time to discuss what he wants and his fears and desires is with the help of the MC. He is fully aware that my 1st appt with MC is next Thursday evening, and he has declined to attend with me. That's the best place and opportunity to discuss what he really wants and needs from me... if he really wants and needs anything from me at this point.
This post is not meant to be a maudlin pity party--far from it. I'm in a great mood and my PMA is really good today.
But I'm afraid that I really have to get to work. It's waiting in a pile for me as I write!
Hugs to my bride-to-be. I don't mind fugly dresses...
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I watched those Avs last night (and I'm tired)--too bad for Mr. Modano.
Not much to add right now--I'd have to think more, but I do think Pam touches upon something I might say about you (heck, all of us) being oursleves. Of course, it's easier to be ourselves and free with others when we feel a sense of safety--and that's one of the biggest factors missing in our M's right now.
To be simplistic and repetitive, that is why DBing is about taking care ourselves. It's only when we feel more centered and have a greater sense of safety with ourselves that we can feel safety with others. It takes longer to reach that safety with our WAS's because of the history--but I guess Pam is saying that you may want to begin acting "as if" a bit more with H. No pressuring--just be yourself as if H was a cowroker that you'd share with. Obviosuly, you know the limits of this, but it's okay to act as if there are not eggshells to avoid.
The flipside to all this is if Mr. W does need medical attention. You can be patient and kind--but recovery is still well outside your ability to truly impact. Anyway, enjoy the rest of your day.
Note to me: Why doesn't he seem to want to jump my bones? Maybe Mr. Winky won't cooperate when depressed? 
Maybe you should just ask him how his Mr. Winky is or if he will show it to you? 
