Hey, I know about adultfriends and friendfinder. Here in the big D there are over 130,000 couples posted on their site for the tri-county area. I had to run from that site, I was so tempted to find an orgy and jump in. My H was criticizing everything and discounting any improvements I'd made so I was feeling low and horny after 5 years with no sex and went cruising on the www. It didn't help at all it just made me bitter and angry that I was resorting to checking out other people's fun and not having any myself. One of these days I am going to figure out why H has all these rules about love and sex. I might even figure out when I broke all these rules.
Listen, it's not about divorce. It's about play time with friends.
Whatever will be, you don't deserve not to play. No one said to leave.
People have tried some of the sites mentioned, lavalife I've heard about. There is just a huge number of men and few women. Then the men are crude and the women, elusive.
Quote: Listen, it's not about divorce. It's about play time with friends.
That's a dangerous game, HJ. Tempting, to be sure, but it's nothing but an exit strategy, and a bad one at that. W and I have so many problems now, why would I think that infidelity would help matters? It would just add to the list, not to mention being one more thing driving a wedge between us and killing any hope of real intimacy. Not a good solution at all. Even if she didn't find out, you don't actually "get away" with anything... how motivated would I be to stay and work on our issues if I was getting satisfied on the side?
thanks for saying what I was thinking. I was going to post much the same sentiment but figure I'm causing enough controversy already with my postings to COgal.
Ok, There have been some interesting responses. Has anyone tried these on their LD spouses? Saying, you know, our relationship is crap, I wonder if I had a release on the side if we could get along better?
The LD spouse isn't interested in fixing the relationship or the sexual side...so why wouldn't they be interested in reducing the 'pressure' they are getting from us?
HJ, you're kidding yourself, and I think you already know it. That is not a way to "reduce pressure", it only adds yet another pressure. I can only imagine how such a thing would make a LD spouse feel - and it wouldn't be good. How could anyone be thankful for a "solution" that rubbed their nose in their "deficiencies"?
If the marriage really is at a total impasse, and both partners are not committed to working on the R, then it might (MIGHT!) be time to end it and try to move on, but only when all hope is gone. I take my marriage vows very seriously, which is why I'm willing to invest so much time and energy in trying to resolve the issues at hand.
Quote: The LD spouse isn't interested in fixing the relationship or the sexual side...so why wouldn't they be interested in reducing the 'pressure' they are getting from us?
go ask your wife if she's ok with you meeting up with people on line for sex talk and/or for possible meetings of a purely sexual context and see what kind of response you get.
mind you, don't take what's said in jest litterally either.
John, I'm so bummed that you're back here. A few weeks back you were so optimistic.
I have to chime in on the infidelity issue. I've actually gone back and forth on it, and realize that it's no solution at all. It messes you up, it messes the life of the OW up, and if she's married, it messes with a whole other group of people. And of course, it messes up your W's life, and that of your kids. If things are so bad, then try to cut down on the number of lives you are messing with, get a divorce, and be done with it.
Or keep on working on trying to meet somewhere in the middle. No one said it would be easy. I really hope you are able to work things out.
A great idea would be for us all to meet up with our LDs at a Michele seminar. What a party us HDs would have "apres seminar" and we can bring a pack of cards to keep the LDs amused too. SD
I can see it now when the waitress comes over ....
Waitress: "So how do you guys know each other..." Us: "We're part of an internet forum" Waitress: "What kind of forum is it" Us: "It's for extremely horney people and their non-horney spouses" Waitress: "So you mean it's just a forum for normal, married couples...." Us: "Um, could we get some more water please."
