Well after having a crummy kind of down feeling day yesterday I spoke to h about some things. Nothing specific (well nothing that warrants a mention) but just my occassional fears, insecurities and worries over whether or not he's happy as sometimes I get lost in trying to assure my needs are being met and forget that he's a person too.
h assured me that I have nothing to be afraid of "all the bs that happend in the past is in the past" (I kinda like how he refered to it as bs as I take it to mean ow was nothing but bs) and that yes he is indeed happy right where he is.
see the thing is sometimes I get so caught up in measuring whether or not my needs are being met that I start to tell myself..well if he loved me or was in love with me I wouldn't be questioning whether my needs were being met or not right! but I occassionally have to remind myself that every time I start to feel a bit down or worried or paranoid isn't a sign that somethings off, or that h doesn't love me anymore or never did..it simply means I'm having some feelings that I may very well have pulled out of my a$$ (cause I can do that ya know!).
I was glad to be able to have a short conversation with h that lead to us both feeling good rather than the typical me still feeling needy and him feeling frustrated and unable to give me enough.
Can't put any finger on it other than perhaps instead of focussing on myself and what he is or isn't doing for me I focussed on my true fear of whether or not HE'S happy. Though that is something I used to do in the past I believe I went about it differently (no not a back door into the same cheeseless tunnel) in a less threatening manner and it worked.
After spending most of the day selfishly focused on the new thread on mine, I start to view others and whose on top?
Well I gives me the chance to humbly say thank you for all your support today. You've been there thru the thick and thin of it all and always given me words of encouragement that I will never be able to express how much I do appreciate them. You slant hasn't come out of left field and validates much of my recent thoughts. It seems there still is more I need to improve upon ... like getting a backbone to move my sitch forward for one ... maybe before this time next year?
While I haven't posted much to you lately, I like what I've been reading here. You're no longer stuck in those cheeseless tunnels. Eventually, I think you will figure out how to get the kind of M where you will find yourself ... well ... happy.
Quote: Eventually, I think you will figure out how to get the kind of M where you will find yourself ... well ... happy.
KAW,
I think I already have and had the kind of m that I can find myself happy in...the more important part and bigger chalenge is allowing myself to be happy in general.
I've realized that much of my displeasure with live has little if anything to do with my h or my m or my children or my home or anything else. It is ME, ME, ME...got to work on me and being happy being me...cause after all...
I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!
Finally scheduled use of my gift cert from last year. Spa day...me all day sat from 9-4 being pampered from head to toe, being treated like a queen (or at least like some prima donna) I am so looking forward to it!!
Quote: Finally scheduled use of my gift cert from last year. Spa day...me all day sat from 9-4 being pampered from head to toe, being treated like a queen (or at least like some prima donna) I am so looking forward to it!!
you so deserve it ll. i had the opportunity, or let's be real about this, my sister MADE me take care of myself while i was in california. massages, pedicures, manicures and facials. what a boost this does for your well being. it plays with your head, letting you know that you are so worth it
Quote: I've realized that much of my displeasure with live has little if anything to do with my h or my m or my children or my home or anything else. It is ME, ME, ME...got to work on me and being happy being me...cause after all...
I have a quote for you, by someone I can't remember - The secret of having it all, is loving it all.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Quote: I've realized that much of my displeasure with live has little if anything to do with my h or my m or my children or my home or anything else. It is ME, ME, ME..
hmmm...now maybe it's just me or maybe I'm waaay off base, but I think this is what we've been trying to tell you for the last how many months ????...Now I haven't been following your thread too much since football season, so maybe I'm missing something in the last months...but what LivnLearn said..
I also know it does take each person varying lengths of time to finally "get it." I'm saying this because I was thinking of not posting to people anymore, because a lot of people aren't "getting it" and do keep going down those cheeseless tunnels. BUT, realized that eventually people do "get it." I know for me that's how it worked. People would post something to me and I'd be "what I don't get it" and keep doing more of the same and then FINALLY a little further down the road "light bulb"!!!
OH and by the way, why haven't you posted anything to me? I would love to have your input on what you think of my sitch up to this. I think you've been around for most of it...
Quote: I also know it does take each person varying lengths of time to finally "get it." I'm saying this because I was thinking of not posting to people anymore, because a lot of people aren't "getting it" and do keep going down those cheeseless tunnels. BUT, realized that eventually people do "get it." I know for me that's how it worked. People would post something to me and I'd be "what I don't get it" and keep doing more of the same and then FINALLY a little further down the road "light bulb"!!!
Cathy
Gosh...if we all stopped posting to people who weren't "getting it" it'd be pretty quiet in here, no?
Sometimes it takes the clamor of voices to wake one up, I suppose but the real waking has to happen inside, right?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: OH and by the way, why haven't you posted anything to me? I would love to have your input on what you think of my sitch up to this. I think you've been around for most of it...
Cathy
to be honest, I get so overwhelmed when I stop by that I don't know who to read and who not to read. When I first came to piecing it was quiet...one could stay on the first page for weeks while others were posting cause there was only like 5 of us here...now I get dizzy. It's not that I don't want to check in on others it is as I said I don't know where to begin but now that you've put a little fire under my butt I'll have to put my sneakers on and take a walk on over for a visit..but first I must go out and play with the kiddos.
oh ya and to all....so it has taken me a while to fully grasp the concept that my happiness has nothing to do with my m. Yes I am happy with my h and he is happy with me but the emptiness or longing I often feel is not always related to him (though I often blame him for it, shame on me) Any sahm (stay at home mom) can understand where most of my frustrations come from. It's not easy to remain a hot little chiqita while your busy making pb+j and singing choo choo chuga chuga big red car (the wiggles for all you non parents or with those that have grown) all day. and then of course there is that struggle with...can I still be "cool" and have a life even though I'm a mommy and a wife??? the answer is a definite YES! though I still struggle with some guilt/resentment at times.
to be honest, I get so overwhelmed when I stop by that I don't know who to read and who not to read. When I first came to piecing it was quiet...one could stay on the first page for weeks while others were posting cause there was only like 5 of us here...now I get dizzy. It's not that I don't want to check in on others it is as I said I don't know where to begin but now that you've put a little fire under my butt I'll have to put my sneakers on and take a walk on over for a visit..but first I must go out and play with the kiddos.