Well I took the advice of Ellie and last week sent H some suggestive pages in the middle of the night. In the morning he paged me back asking if I was coming up that weekend. I couldn't because I was going to be out of town. He said he was bummed.
Later in the day I keep thinking about going to see him and I could rearrange my schedule. I ask him if he is still up for a visitor, but he says that he has to work.
On Friday, when I am out of town, he calls me to make sure that we (my son and me) got there ok. We were at dinner so I told him that I would call him on Sat. He said NO, I'll be working so we'll talk on Monday. That sent red flags off in my head. He works during the week and we talk, so what is different about the weekend??
That stewed in my little brain all night and mixed with my PMS hormones not making a good recipe. In the morning I called, his phone was off and left a vm that I know he was working but had a question for him. Could I let it go at that?? NO... I also sent him a page with the same message. He did call me back shortly after and was very short. Asking what I wanted. What my question was. Well my question is what is the difference? He just said he was working and he was calling me now as I requested. H was not happy, I was not happy.
I do not like going to that dark cavern that is filled with the muck of my run away thoughts. Of course I am thinking the reason he cannot call me on the weekend is that he is with someone. Why do I even go to that place in my mind? What is the appeal of that? It makes ME feel bad, not to mention it does NOTHING for my situation. It would be like going to the dentist for a root canal over and over and over. Why would you do that? Why would you ever want to?
H did call me on Moday and I was out of Muckville and in a much happier place. (Thank you Holding!) We had a nice conversation about some houses he is looking at in Seattle.
He called me yesterday morning because he was going to be in CA yesterday. He told me when his plane was getting in and we had plans to meet at a hotel.
His flight didn't get in until 9:30pm, but about 6:00pm he sends me a page saying: "I'm excited!" WOW H shared feelings with me! We met at the hotel and it was WONDERFUL!
In the night I recieved several pages regarding some computer maintance that was happening at my work. They were informational pages, not something that I had to respond to. I knew it was happening so I didn't even have my pager near the bed. Early in the morning it was giving little beeps because I had unread pages. H said, Someone sure is trying to get a hold of you. I got my pager and showed him what they were and breifly explained what goes on with the systems. Then I brought up the page he had sent me saying he was excited and said, Now THIS page was SOOO nice and made my day! Thank you for sending this!
He will be in the area for the rest of the week. It is up in the air if we will see each other tonight or not. He has a meeting about 2 hours away and might just stay there instead of driving back here. Tomorrow he said he will be about an hour away. I asked if he wanted me to come down there after work. "No, he will be working" WTF is up with that? Where he is staying is close to where "exOW" lives. More red flags in my head. The door is open in Muckville, but I am still standing in LaurieLand for the moment.
He just called me a few minutes ago to see if I made it safely to work. We are having terrible rain/wind storm here. That was nice! He said he would call me later today.
Baby steps, slowleee, stay away from Muckville....
Quote: I do not like going to that dark cavern that is filled with the muck of my run away thoughts. Of course I am thinking the reason he cannot call me on the weekend is that he is with someone. Why do I even go to that place in my mind? What is the appeal of that? It makes ME feel bad, not to mention it does NOTHING for my situation. It would be like going to the dentist for a root canal over and over and over. Why would you do that? Why would you ever want to?
That's the key! These thoughts always seem to pop up! ... but in recognizing nothing good / productive will come from them, help carry to the next step ... and that's not to waste any more time on them once you realize them for what they are!
You may be aware that the door leads to Muckville, but you can make the choice to turn you back to it today and focus your attention on something else ... oh yea ... like listing three positives that have happened today.
Quote: He just called me a few minutes ago to see if I made it safely to work. We are having terrible rain/wind storm here. That was nice! He said he would call me later today.
Is that what IT's called Muckville? I must confess to standing there myself more than a couple of times this week.
What helps me is to ask myself "If I catch h with ow, what will I do with this info?" "Will it help to confront him?" Will it make me more attractive to him to 'accuse' him without some REAL evidence?" And would the OW be talking about me?
Wiley told me on one of my posts that the GF would not ask about the w cause that would send h running back to w! You see? You got to play the gf-tactics here! Act as if you don't care! He'll take notice then!!!!
Let's close that door to Muckville RIGHT NOW!
Cindy
PS> Got get that book I told you about...it will help you understand why h doesn't feel loved by you. It's so much better than 5 LLs!
(water) sounds like a lot of DIFFERENT emo's! Some really good, some just really mucky! WEll, tell those feelings to Muck Off!!
It's very nice when he shows some feelings. Just let him do his "working" thing and try not to bring it up with him. Act as if it is FINE. I know-not like I am one to talk, but that's what a DB'er would say.
You will remember in our last episode of AS the MLC World spins... H was in the area for work. We met last Wednesday night at a Hotel and it was wonderful. He even sent me a page that he was excited to see me!
On Thursday he called to say that he was on his way to a hotel that is about an hour away from me. AND very close to exOW. He said I was welcome to come and join him. So I pack some more things and off to meet him. I didn't get there until about 8:00 and he was talking with someone from work about work stuff. We were both pretty tired so not a lot of talking just . Then to sleep. VERY nice
It is still up in the air in my mind as to what is happening over the weekend. We had planned on being together over the weekend and at one point he said he wasn't sure if he would just stay in CA to be together, or go up to Seattle. He also now has a roommate staying with him. This guy used to work for him here in CA and decided to move to Seattle to fill a position that H has. H is a wonderful manager and so this guy moved to continue to work for H. We have known this guy for many years, prior to the sep. He was also married at the time. He has since D. H was telling me that guy will be out of town all weekend, so we would have the condo all to ourselves.
In good DB fashion, I did not even mention the weekend on Fri morning. I had to get up and leave much earlier than he did as I had the hour drive to get to work. Friday afternoon H calls and says that he is on his way to the airport. He says that he if feeling like he has a lot of things he needs to get done this weekend, but that he wants to see me. Getting a house and getting he work in order are taking a lot of his energy right now.
I told him that I understand and that it was up to him. I didn't want to cause any pressure and that if it worked that was great, and that I did want to see him. But if it didn't work out, not to worry H I will not be sitting around bored.
Then H says well how about if you come up and you can go around on Sat and look at new houses for me. Go to the models and see what is good in different areas. He will go out with his agent and then we can meet in the evening and spend time together. That he did have to work for a couple hours on Sunday. OK H that is a plan! I'm back to packing more stuff and off to the airport.
H picks me up and just seems distant. This continues all the way to the condo. It is very late by now and we just get ready for bed. He is just laying there. I ask if he is sleeping, (I can tell he isn't but he isn't snugglie either. We ALWAYS snuggle while in bed) He says no, just thinking. I ask what he is thinking about and he says everything. I give him a light kiss and tell him that I am a good listener and turn over and go to sleep. In the morning he is back to being snugglie and I tell him that is nice, better than last night. H say "I know, sometimes I just get overwhelmed." H says that he is thinking about using his benefits from work and seeing a C. I said Oh. I told him out the concept of solution based and that it seems to make a lot of sense. He asked if I thought he should go. I told him that I could FEEL the energy from him last night and that it was not warm and fuzzy. He asked if I had felt warm and fuzzy before and I said yes. He said, "good, I thought I had lost it." I didn't ask what that meant, either his ability to create warm and fuzzy or WANTING to make ME warm and fuzzy????
We did sort of get into a bit of an OW talk. That if I was coming up there, there was nothing to stop someone else from coming up. H said he is not brining women home. H did NOT want to have that conversation... DAHH. Kept changing the subject. Not in a bad way and we were keeping it light and fun. He said that he does not know what I do on the weekends and that even if I tell him something, what is to say that it is the truth.
I also found a christmas card OW gave H. Saying that she is looking forward to many more holiday seasons together. Found a key chain that she had given him that was engraved with the message that her heart was all locked up Love OW. And a picture of her in a frame. the picture was upside down in the bottom drawer, but why would you keep any of this stuff if it was over???
I know, BAD me for snooping. I couldn't resist and did turn the picture over so the back was showing in the frame.
Sunday night we are snuggling in bed and H asked me why I still love him. I tell him and then ask him why he still loves me. He says "its a seceret". WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??
I tell him that I am not shareing my life with anyone else. I feel like I am not the only one in his life. Am I the only one in your life? H shakes his head yes.
Those were the only icky parts of the weekend. The rest of the time we had fun. On Sunday we were out eating breakfast and looking at the Sunday paper. He was pulling out the sections that he wanted to read. He hands me the employment section and says "here, look for a job".
On Monday morning as we were leaving for the airport, roommate was in his bathroom. H goes out and says that he needs to close the door. Roommate was confused and H says that he has a visitor. Roommate was SHOCKED. H told him that it was me. This I think, was a big thing. Roommate knew me from prior to separation and must have known OW. Now I'm back. H was chuckling over roommates reaction and that it blew his cover as it was obvious that having a visitor was not a common occurance with them.
I get mixed signals and I have way more questions than answers. But we spent 5 nights together. We were even commenting that it will be difficult to sleep now.
Even as I am typing this, he sent me a page to have a great day!
Appologies for this being so long. thanks for stopping by and any thoughts, comments, whacking are always welcome! It all helps everyone gather more information for our journey.
It's great that h has been initiating spending time together, ML, and sending you pages!!
**(I do this too) Don't get freaked out if he doesn't want to be snugglie on an occasion or two. I know that it is the norm for you, but allow him to have an "off" night or mood or whatever. Don't judge him for not being warmer or closer to you. Let him be where he needs to be and let your wants go for a few hours-b/c as you see, he bounced right back the next morn., he knew he was doing it. Yes, he must be overwhelmed with his emo's, and his MLC/dep. stuff, or work stuff, or ???
Warm and fuzzy-I took that that he is concerned that he can't "do it for ya'". He obviously is projecting his insecurities onto you ie this and his questioning you about what you do when he is not around. When I read that, I wanted to give HIM a 2x4! Just whack him and tell him to knock it off. I wouldn't entertain these questions/comments anymore. YOU know that YOU are being faithful. Whether he believes it or not is HIS issue. You have nothing to make him think otherwise.
The OW talks prob. did NOT help the sit...The stuff that you said was "icky"-DITCH IT! It doesn't work. You end up feeling, well, icky.
He told me when his plane was getting in and we had plans to meet at a hotel. 
That was nice! He said he would call me later today. 
These thoughts always seem to pop up! ... but in recognizing nothing good / productive will come from them, help carry to the next step ... and that's not to waste any more time on them once you realize them for what they are!
