Rj2, glad things are going well! I think it may be useful for you to keep a little of the mystery going, but like you said, strive for balance, and keep monitoring. The thing I'v noticed about monitoring is that you need a sample larger than a day or two but smaller than a month to get a really good read. At least in my experience 1-3 weeks seems to work best, it filters out some of the erratic ups and downs. Anyway, it seems like what you've been doing so far is working, so keep doing what works!
H calls tonight- cancels on me coming over(he's tired and going to bed- is sorry about it though- that's new!), but we have great convo w. more steps! Wow, fun life ahead of me, lol! Ok, he asks if I'm coming to his show tomorrow, I play it off like I'm not sure, maybe!... Then he says he'll put me on the guest list, in case. So, then he says if I come to show, I should come over after the show, hang out and get keys. He hasn't invited me over after a show since the S! I said I'd see, I'll play it by ear
Ok- you guys are gonna think this is wild, but honestly, I think it's all good...fun So, he starts telling me about new gig him and drummer in band are doing- they're recording music for strippers and selling it to them- H says this is good market, strippers will pay $300 for songs, and many usually bring their own music to clubs. So, he wanted me to know that after I move in, him and drummer friend are gonna have strippers over dancing and stuff, for the music gig. I was super cool and say "wow, FUN! sounds like a nice way to make some cash-heehe and you know me,man- I'd dig that- I'm into dance, would love to pick up some moves.. " At first, H says he doesn't care if I approve- but I act more cool and I mention that "I have lots going on- my own stuff to do, but yeh some of the time, I'd love to hang out" Then, he says, "well yeh- you can prob fit in studio and watch and stuff- that's cool." I talk more about how it's a cool idea and then he even says "don't worry, I'll behave!" kind of embarassed sounding (H is showing his commitment to me- WOW- HUGE STEP)
Remember when H brought this up like a month ago and he acted different, like interlaced it w. OW talk- now that's fading away!
Ok, I majorly aced this one and gained bigtime. And actually, I really think it would be pretty wild! I'm the type to make friends with anyone who comes over and maybe even sell a custom artwork of mine or something to people that come over, right! I'm not threatened, I only stand to have fun! So, I didn't have to pull too much of a 180 other than supporting him in his ideas- heehe.. And show, the fun, cool me. I think H may have pigeonholed the "old me" as acting not as cool about this, so I'm blowing that away. I am still on cloud nine from H saying he would behave! I giggled after that and then talked about his gear, which he was happily bragging about then for several min.
Last edited by rj2; 03/31/0403:42 AM.
Master the self-fulfilling prophecy.. Act 'as if' it's going to happen and make it be!!
Went late to H's show last night, actually missed his band's set.. Got there in time to talk to H for few minutes and then he was heading out. He says "I could stay and see other bands"(acting like we're together?) and that I could come over later on in the night. So, I stay and have a blast at show meeting new people and drop by H's 2 hrs later. H has friends over(drummer and his date) I hit it off with the girl and at one point she asks me how I know H..(lol) So I whisper to her that we've been M, been S and working on getting back together. Apparently H heard me say "working on getting back together" and later in the night he gives me [censored] about it- saying "I'm a horrible whisperer" and I shouldve said to her "how we met was that my friend intro'd me to him after running into me at 7-11 brought me back to H friend place(the story of how we met 10yrs ago) So, he didn't throw out daggers, but I hope I don't end up with a backslide later with him overhearing that?
Then, friends leave and H and I hang out for 2 more hrs, have amazing time! Talk about music, showing me his gear- totally relating on the creative process... Later H gets tired and cranky and I offer him a backrub, which he takes me up on. I think I may have pushed it a little b/c I kissed him on back some, he didn't really react bad- but he didnt reciprocate either, saying he wasn't in the mood. Then we played with cats, too. At points, H makes petty critical comments about doing stuff right- like watching out for cats not getting my drink, etc. Teases me about how cat is his ally now- and they gang up on me like old times. He was really worn out and tired, so finally I left. H gives me keys to apt and tells me I can come over anytime tonight to move in. I say I'm not sure if I will, he tells me to call tonight then. The overall vibe from him was super friendly when we were "hanging out" but then got a little more cranky when we acted intimate. Could've been the tiredness, etc too.
Think I need to be really careful about what I say still -it's way too easy to slip, now that I am getting so close and really try to better mirror H's level of closeness. I think I may have pushed it a little too close last night- and I also lost my perspective a bit, feeling like acting like we were together for sure kind of thoughts kept popping in my head, wanting to kiss, etc...feelings of being irked he didn't respond... Then I was tempted to pop into the old dynamic too, with saying defensive things back to H when he got critical of me. I did get a little defensive about him overhearing me- Wow, this new level of being around him so much is really a huge test on "detachment". Time for me to step back and keep sight of my DB.
Master the self-fulfilling prophecy.. Act 'as if' it's going to happen and make it be!!
Updates.... Really good, chill, happy visit tonight! H calls tonight lvs msg saying he is already putting my bed up in room for me and I should come over. I call him back later and he and friend are setting bed up, then I bring over a car load of stuff to start moving in.
H helps me unload some stuff and I scored lots of points! At first I said I could only stay for a bit, then H kept acting like he wanted to hang out, and I stayed for 2 hrs.. Told him I'm traveling light nowadays(have sold or given away a lot of my stuff), and that I like to be efficient, so I am packing tight and making less trips. He was pretty impressed and pleased about that! He wanted to put up his favorite painting of mine too. Then, we watched a movie, some tv and played with the cats after. Laughed a lot about stupid tv shows. One show was these bachelor guys saying women sucked. H teased me with a smile about "girls being icky" after that, like both male cat and him agreed. H loves the cats SO much, acting like they are his babies. Cradling the cat in his arms like a baby, etc. The softness in him has been tapped! Showing me cute tricks him and cat are doing, etc. H tried to get me to pet cats stomach and get attacked. Me and female cat said "the guys were gonna have to try harder than that to get us". H grinned huge and said "just wait we'll get you when you least expect it" Then he made the cat playfully touch my nose. Total old H flirty mode. Does not do this with anyone else but me, kind of thing. Asked H where he wanted me to put stuff, etc. He really appreciated that! Tells me everything he's doing between now and tomorrow before I see him again. I'm going back tomorrow afternoon to move more(hopefully most of my stuff) in!! He told me to just show up, no need to call.. When I left, it was an extended goodbye again- "catch you later, see you tomorrow, good night, night!"
Master the self-fulfilling prophecy.. Act 'as if' it's going to happen and make it be!!
Long busy day moving stuff in w. H. Good interactions,too.
Playing it cool. The more chill I act, the more H takes initiative to act "dating" mode. At one point, I left to make another trip to get stuff and H called me at my apt. I missed the call, when I got back to his(or should I say "our" apt now) he wanted to know what I was doing for dinner- I had already gotten dinner on my own, but H was waiting to see what I was doing and if I wanted to order takeout with him(he hasn't done this in 5 1/2 mo!) Then, everytime I brought stuff over, H wanted to me to take a break and hang out with him. He played guitar for me, wanted me to go to Blockbuster with him to get movies we could watch, wanted to show me stuff in his studio. We went on a nice evening walk to video store. He set aside the whole day and night for me! Even offered me drinks and food, too(which again, hardly happened much during our S) Treating me like his date on Sat night(without the physical contact, of course). Teased me some, whispered stuff to me when we were at video store. Kept asking me if I wanted things. Would I like candy? What do I think of this movie? And a few "we" comments, too! Oh, and cats were already sleeping on my new king bed(rather than H's bunk bed, I secretly gave them extra kisses and good kitty reinforcements for that!) How long is H really gonna last sleeping in that silly bunk bed? I ended up moving stuff all night, and then I initiated leaving, too, at the end of the night. Got a interested look/extended goodbye from him when we said goodbye, see you later, tomorrow, later, bye!
So, I'm moving more stuff tomorrow and plan to be fully moved in by early this week.
Master the self-fulfilling prophecy.. Act 'as if' it's going to happen and make it be!!
one more HUGE thing to add too- yesterday when H was playing guitar to me, he started playing a song he wrote just for me when we were dating! And showing me how to play it. A special, happy bouncy song- back when he wrote it he said it was how he felt about me- was him speaking of my spirit and what he loves about me. H's version of a love song, basically. A song that he hasn't played in at least 6 or more years!!! He wrote it when we first met in 1994-1995. Out of the blue, he just starts playing it for me and showing me the chords with the happiest look on his face! Also, when drummer came over to visit, he mentioned how his date liked me a lot, too. It's bright and sunny outside here today, perfect weather for a wonderful day getting the rest of my stuff moved in with H!
Master the self-fulfilling prophecy.. Act 'as if' it's going to happen and make it be!!
Very good night moving in w. H. H acting warm, very considerate and interested in me. He smiled a ton! Think I did an A+ job of mirroring closeness, acting independent, giving tons of space etc. And H offered all kinds of things to me. Sharing drinks, magazines, and letting me play all three of his guitars! (unprecedented stuff on his part) He had so much stuff to show me. Started playing Pride and Joy for me, another song he hasn't played in years and in the past had been kind of one of our "songs".... He let me play electric guitar in his studio, and when he was working, he'd call me in to show me stuff or see cat cute a bunch of times(in the past, he would like to be in his "cave" in studio mostly) I was downstairs practicing guitar and he kept coming out of his studio to show me/tell me stuff! Also, was thinking of me and had a table in living room just for me to use for my art. Then, he had cleaned up the room for my bed, etc and he had left a picture of the two of us, really cute pic of us holding each other- from when we were dating like 9 yrs ago! Just sitting on "my" bed. Good sign he thought to save it and leave it on my bed for me to find?! I played it cool, and didn't mention it...just secretly smiled! To top off the night, the cats both slept with me in my new bed, purring(good kitties! how is H going to resist joining us. )
H is still saying "my bed/your bed" and "my room/your room" but at the same time "our bookshelf, our sofa"
It's really paying off that I am respecting his boundaries and being considerate and appreciative too. And bonding through music/guitar has been so huge. Being laid back, acting fun, friendly , smiling...fitting in with bachelor mode myself- I think dishes suck, too! It's like I have a brand new, exciting feel for life and towards H, feel like I'm 20 when we first met all over again, and I can tell the same is coming forth in him. This S has really done wonders for us in terms of rediscovering each other, seeing each other in an exciting new way- sparks! I lost count of how many times he smiled at me last night!
Master the self-fulfilling prophecy.. Act 'as if' it's going to happen and make it be!!
Girl, maybe you won't even have to worry about any of those flying daggers that we had talked about with you moving back in. It sounds like he is so happy for the company and missed having you around like crazy!! Like we've said a zillion times, this S has been great for you both to give you some space but to also appreciate each other again. He is definitely glad to have you back!!!
So, then he says if I come to show, I should come over after the show, hang out and get keys. He hasn't invited me over after a show since the S! I said I'd see, I'll play it by ear 
