LOLOL. So know you know the story of "Wolfie the Puppy Boy"!
His latest "hmmmmmm" involves 3 women who tried very hard to do me dirty in the job I have had for the past 2 years. Each one of them has had a major downfall in the past month. He asked me if that is "what happens to people that try to F me over".
I told him that I didn't cause the magic karma bus to run them over, I just sent back everthing they wished upon me and asked the Creator to take it out of my hands to deliver justice. "Hmmmm" he says, lol!
Truth be told, I have rarely wished real harm on another. In the "rational-dominant society" way of thinking, thinking that your thoughts and wishes can bother another person is considered infantile magical thinking. That theory discounts what my people know and I don't suppose I'd dare tell a Christian that their prayers had not influence or tell a voodoo practioner that what they do won't work! For that matter, I distincly recall reading in the Old Testiment about people asking the Creator to "smite their enemies".
Anywho, I was very focused on for a long time in wishing XOW to be "smote". I will probably never know the effects of that in the long-term, but frankly I have no guilt over it.
Unfortunately, her MO was a very strong pattern, and sadly it's very likely she has gone on to rip other marraiges apart. Justice will come some day.
Tal, I am also of Native-American descent. My great-grandmother on my father's side was full-blooded Native-American. I don't know which tribe. My grandmother was ashamed of her heritage and never gave us any information. My father died when I was very young, so I never was able to ask him what he knew. I am in the process of trying to trace my heritage to find out which tribe I belong to.
Along the lines of "intuition," how's this: 10 years ago I was attending school a few hours a day. This particular day my children had no school. My H worked from home to be with them while I attended my classes. At one point in the morning, I turned to my friend in school and said, "I have to go home. I don't know why, but I can't stay here. I have to go home." About the time I was getting off the freeway at home, my H called on the cellphone. He asked me where I was. I told him I was just getting off the freeway. He told me not to come -- head to the hospital. Our 9-year-old had had a bicycle accident and was being transported by the paramedics with internal bleeding. I beat them to the hospital. I was there when they took my son out of the ambulence. Before he saw me, I heard him asking for his mommy. He was so scared, but so happy to see me. Everything ended up okay -- after three operations and a month of being in and out of the hospital.
Another time that really stands out for me was when my H was in the middle of his A. We were at our favorite beach town camping at spring break. A large group of our friends go every year. I had a dream one night that my H and I were divorced. It was very sad because we obviously still loved each other very much, and I couldn't understand why we were divorced if we still loved each other. I told my H about this dream the next morning. Months later after he confessed to the A, we talked about that dream. He told me it really scared him the day I told him about it. He thought I "knew" about the A. Also, as it turned out, the OW lived in that beach town that was so special to my H and me and our family. Apparently, one day during that trip he had ridden off on his bicycle to meet her at her house.
I'm sure you don't know my story, but I've been on the board for a long time. After the above-mentioned OW, my H fell into a long-distance EA with an old family friend. (He was so messed up at the time and very depressed). He continued this EA while we were supposedly "piecing" our marriage back together, going to MC, etc. I continued to "feel" something just wasn't right. My old posts will attest to that. I just couldn't shake that feeling no matter what any of my wonderful friends here on the BB said.
Trying to make a very long story shorter, end of July 2002 we go for a long weekend with our family and three other families to Yosemite. After site-seeing for a couple hours, we stop at a hotel for lunch. Afterwards, our friends wanted to go to the gift shop. My H and I sat outside, but could see in the window of the gift shop. I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked up and saw the ex-OW standing in that gift shop right next to my best friend.
Needless to say, I freaked out on my H. He told me it was all just a horrible coincidence that she was there; he hadn't talked to her in almost a year, etc. When we got home from that weekend, we were supposed to pack our RV and leave for vacation. The next morning I had this "feeling" that just wouldn't go away. Something wasn't right, I'd known it for a long time, and then I saw the OW in a place 300 miles away from home. I was "driven" to trying to break into my H's office voicemail to see if there had been a message from the OW. While he slept, I got my H's work cellphone and started to dial his voicemail (hoping that somehow I could figure out his password). I felt horrible about doing that, so I put it away and started upstairs. At that point I "heard" a voice inside me telling me that I MUST go through with it. It also told me exactly how to do it, and it worked. The first message I heard was from my H's boss. The second was a strange woman's voice (not the original OW) saying how much she was going to miss my H, and to try and call her whenever he got a chance, and that she loved him, blah, blah, blah. Turns out it was this EA OW. The [censored] hit the fan. I finally had to tell our kids and a few other people. That confrontation "shocked" my H out of the tunnel. He finally realized that he needed help. He asked for a second chance; said he'd go to counseling for his depression; and said he was committed to our M 110%.
I have no idea where my M would be today if I had not listened to -- whatever you want to call it -- that spoke to me and guided me every step of the way. We are happier now than ever before in our marriage.
I dream of wolves. In my dreams, I am a wolf running through the night. In my "real life" I have always been a night owl. I love wondering around the house in the middle of the night when it is dark and quiet -- listening, watching. I have been referred to as a "lone wolf." I have often wondered if that is not my Native-American blood ancestry that makes me so restless.
So for the extremely long post. This subject just really hit home with me and I felt compelled to share.
I am still amazed at the number of people on the BB who talk openly about this and I find it very helpful in my own sitch
I think H is freaked by my "intuition". He uses it when it suites him and blows it off when it doesn't
I have proven it to him time and time again...he just doesn't like it when it puts him in a negative light.
I informed him of it before we moved in with each other. I thought it was important because there are times when it becomes "insistent" and I blurt things out.
He thougth it was cool when I described his housetrailer to him over the phone...down to the placement of furniture, color of carpet and the variety of plants that sat on the kitchen counter. I lived in OH at the time and he lived in VA...we hadn't seen each other in 2 years.
He freaked out completely when he called me one night on the phone and I DEMANDED and explanation as to WHY he spent the night at a hotel the night before and just WHO he shared the room with. He hung up on me...then he called me back, asked me how I knew and then told me that he and a guy friend got too drunk to drive home so they stayed in a hotel. Since the room was dark in my "flash" I did not know if the other person was male or female...the friend later told me the same story of his own free will.
When I told h of my "flashes" of OW though...I was just imagining things, seeing what I WANTED to see
Now I just try to ignore this stuff as much as I can. I've gotten to where I question myself and I'm NOT positive that my emotional state is not the culprit.
I wish that I could state myself, the way some of you have, to my H. I guess I'm just not ready to go there just yet. Maybe after I have quieted my internal dialogue a bit more I'll be more ready to "look" at my own sitch.
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Oh yes, the "knowing" of things that are hidden. It's such a double edged gift isn't it? Call it women's intuition or whatever...I know that it can run very strong with some of us in my particular race, but it certainly isn't exclusive.
I think that we do have more recent ties to the "old ways" in which that sense was highly developed, but every culture has their old ways.
Matilda, if I were you, I'd learn more about the actual social life of wolves if you think there is an affinity. The "lone wolf" thing is highly misunderstood. Wolves are extremely social, in fact--they live for the pack. The are so geared for the survival of the pack over the survival of the individual that all of the adults in the pack submerge their own sex drive and procreative instincts so that only the alpha male and female will bear pups.
The pups are then raised by the pack as a whole.
The "lone wolf" thing actually only comes about when a lower status male tries to challenge the alpha male, or when there is something wrong with him that presents a threat to the pack. He may be run off--banished, to go it alone. In the case of a female, if a lower-status female doesn't subvert her own sex drive and/or continually tries to have sex with the alpha male, the alpha female and the other females will drive her away.
Eventually, an banished male and a banished female may find each other and form a new pack. Often not, though--many simply die of lonliness because they are meant to be part of a group--that is their function.
Wolves are so in tune to each other that when one of them dies, the mourning is very intense for the whole group. They are extremely protective and dependent on each other.
Learn more about real wolves and how they act--not myth and not the European concept--but how they really act. Watch the way dogs behave with each other because dogs are a retardation of wolves, but still carry some of the social instincts.
So...not much to relate here. Everything seems to be status quo here. My instinct to protect myself from hurt comes up now and again to whisper in my ear, but that's to be expected. Eventually, I suppose things even out so that we no longer on high alert for anything that seems out of the ordinary, but don't blindly trust like before.
Again, not much to report, but no major drama is a good thing, right.
I have noticed that since I confronted him about the lying, he has been very loving and attentive. He's going a bit nuts with all of the wedding planning, lol--worse than a young bride!
