Honey, if you don't know what to do with that wallet of yours, hand it over, and let me show you how it's done.
You may be on to something here, using shopping as foreplay, I'm feeling almost dizzy, like I'm going to swoon. My goodness, I do believe I am blushing all OVER...
OFF TO SHOP.
Corri
P.S. I'm glad you all saw the humor in my post. And I hope you see it, too, Dave.
Ok, I have a sense of humor and can see how that is funny. But that letter only took me about 46 hours to write and I lost 5 nights of sleep toiling over it. I reluctantly posted it (big mistake...maybe) and I finally got the nerve up to share it with her and I actually gave it to her. She has not had the opportunity to read yet but I will just take it out of her nightstand and shred it.
I give up. I now see that my situation is probably hopeless. Posting messages was making me feel better about things...now I feel like a big idiot and I'm going to ask that all my threads be removed because I am extremely embarrassed about ever coming here.
Corri, that response is identical to the "stinging humor" type of thing my LD wife would say and has been saying over the past 10 years. This is why I'm here...it was one place where my feelings weren't poked fun at. Sure it's constructive to hear a point of view...but now I feel like a laughing stock. Maybe I'm too lighthearted alot of times which invites things like this. But at any rate, I'm done here. And you have just reminded me that I really shouldn't open myself up...especially to women.
I'm sorry you took offense at our humor. MAybe we were a little tough on you.
But you say this is exactly the reaction you are fearing at home. And will you also quit when/if your W reacts the way we did? I hope not. I hope you two can duke it out. Because the way I see it, her reading your letter, reacting badly and you reacting to her reaction etc is the salvation in all this. Working THROUGH that, not avoiding it or quitting, is the only way to save the marriage.
I can understand that it will be incredibly hard to do this if her response hurts your feelings, but it seems to me that this dynamic is where the problem lies.
Ok carlotta, technically I should be "outta here" but I actually came back to rip Corri a new one and saw your message.
In response, my W wouldn't react that way to something this heartfelt..she really wants to know and I'm going to revise it to be more like Cemars guide instead of an engineering manual (which unfortunately is my profession). This is really humilating and I just contacted the 'contact' about removing my threads...probably won't happen though.
It's just that I put so much heart and love into this. Trust me...I'm not taking any more punches or pokes from anyone..especially my W. I've made her life cozy and comfortable by not stirring the pot when I was feeling hurt. No wonder she claims to "love her life" and "loves me" etc. No wonder she never has thought she needed to change. Well no more! If I make her a little more uncomfortable, then tough...it will be better than the discomfort she will feel when we get a D.
Back to Corri...the fact that you spent the time to parody this is absolutely making my blood boil. You saw an opportunity to take something personal and turn into a way to get props for yourself. The more I think about it the angrier I get.
If having me be more interested in shopping would strengthen our relationship, then I would take the paradoy list seriously...and while I couldn't implement it right away, I would at least know what to working towards.
Her request was for me to give her a list of things so she could set goals for herself. She knows that I wouldn't expect them right away and she wanted to discuss them.
God, I'm humiliated. Why the hell did I ever post this? Maybe I'll feel better by doing a parody one of your most personal posts.
{{{{{{{{Dave36}}}}}}}}}
Breathe... nobody is humiliating anyone here. It's Friday and a few of us were getting a little carried away with sarcasm. Please don't feel personally jabbed. We're a support net and would never say something to be taken as harshly as this. I hope you decide to let this go and join us.
I think Corri's point was the specificity of the letter. Keep it simple. Believe me, just getting to the point of doing it 3 times a week will generate all kinds of issues.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I’m SuperDave and I’m Shopping HD. Hop on a plane. Fly to London and I'll give you a Harrods followed by a Harvey-Nicks, a spin on the Millennium Wheel and I’ll guarantee you a multiple Oxford Street!
(Actually I lied. I am definitely Shopping ND – but now that I recognize it I have ordered “Shop Soiled Marriage” by Mallcome Winmor Bargins)
Please please don't go. I lurk here mostly, and get so much incredible insight from your posts and other the other men here who open up and share what's going on inside them. To find men who have identified their emotions and feelings and are sharing how they cope, interact and interpret them. I consider it a great honor to share in your journey and truely has improved my quality of life in many ways. The points made here have helped me behave better, to examine things I "assumed" that may not be true, to consider things that were not even on my radar, and to reassure me that my H truely does love and care about me even when he doesn't seem to communicate that.
I personally would LOVE and be totally excited to get a letter from my H like you wrote to your wife, it would clear up so many questions and wondering and give me something more concrete to work on. I appreciate your letter because it gives me some clues that I may be able to transfer to my sitch and to ask my H about. So I just wanted to thank you, and I know you put a lot of hard work, thought and effort into your posts.
Morninglory! You have such a talent for comforting and positive reinforcement! I hope he reads your post because it's true and sums up how the majority of us look at these postings.
