I didn't go back through your threads, how old are you? Because it's sounds like you are in MLC.
I have to agree with someone here; your H is not going to say come back because I love you, just using "family" as a reason to get you to try. Frankly, I think it's cute that he did.
You need to drop ALL CONTACT with OM! What are you thinking? You don't really want him either, do you want to go through life going through one D after another? Better fix you! You sound very confused, not good time to keep OM in the picture. It's not fair to him or you.
Off the "bottle for 2 wks", big deal! Is he going to AA? Is he getting help? Are you his mother? Do you want to be? Because, he is treating you like one. Letting him stay with you? You must be kidding! Would you take anyone that you are friends with in? Your apartment would be full!
Sounds like you are using him being cold as a good reason for letting him stay!
Are you seeing a couselor? Not just a M one either. You need some help here. Let's face it, your life is a mess.
Positives~ Your H wants to forgive you, wants you to be a family! Hello! And you are comparing him to the OM! Is your H a alcoholic? Sounds like he is a great father, did I get it right D is living with him?
I see you as standing on a cliff, getting ready to jump! Better turn around and go back the way you came!
imalright: I know ex is using "family" in get things started in the direction of reconciling. Yeah he is a great father. He has started staying home more instead of always over his parents house, now all I hear is all the fighting that is going on with his family. I don't know how much he is willing to change. The next availabe appt for a couple's counseling is in May--guess alot of couples are in need of help LOL. So until then I will wait. I am going to be 40 yrs old, and probably been in a MLC since I was 30. Ex commented how hard it is to date when you have kids and that it would be easier for everyone all the way around if we got back together. What is up with that? Just because it's easy, doesn't mean it should be. I hope he is willing to change like let me pay $3 for a pair of panty hose without blowing a gasket and telling me how I spend too much money. The sex department is going to need to change--alot of work there. He told me he is sorry that he is just a "mr. plain jane" but that is how he is. OM is not in AA, he was years ago and says that he knows how to quite and has been doing well for a month. If my husband never entered my life and I met OM, I would marry him. Except for his smoking cigars. He is caring, sensitive, romantic, great in bed, cares about what I want to do, always wants to be with me. He has never had children so he doesn't know how to act around my daughter, but all in all he is a good man. EX is also a good man and I did make a commitment to God, the commitment was broken, it's time to repair but I am finding it hard to let go of OM, I told him I don't want to see him. I am not the I'm calling the police or get a restraining order type of person. I actually never broke up with anyone before. I know I am co-indepdent. I was seeing a counselor put stopped. I have been thinking about the past how he built or should I say he built our new home and he picked out everything. I walk through the house now and think thank God I don't live here becasue I hate the colors of the walls and Polish articles or everywhere! I know I'm being childish, maybe I'm scared. Heck, maybe I should write other man a good bye letter, suck it up, go to counseling, I'm going to be 40 nobody wants to date a woman with baggage, go back to ex-h and start your life over, though I'll always have to be on my guard to make sure that I do everything right so that I don't get booted out again. I realize I miss the security of marriage, my old life playing the loving wife and mother, having dinner ready when husband got home, making lunches, etc....
What made you love your H and end up marrying him?
One sentence you say how OM is so great, next H negatives. Next you should give OM up.
Hate to tell you dear, but if you haven't noticed; this is called divorcebusting, this does not mean we bust up M's.
We are here to support you in trying to rebuild a M. Not give you permission to have an OM. the final decision is yours. But it sounds to me like you are asking all of us for permission to carry on with OM. Just my 2 cents.
Yep you are MLCer.
I wish you joy and happiness.
But I'm here to help people rebuild their M. I don't think I can help you. Maybe someone can help you here to build a R with your OM. Not my cup a tea, since I was on the end where my H cheated on me, I can not "feel" for you.
So I hope as I said you can find some happiness, even if it is short-lived.
Well, EX was my first steady BF and we dated for 8 years and everyone of our friends were getting married and it was either break up or get married. Parents love him, came from good family, nice guy, didn't drink or smoke, Catholic, wanted a family, and I fell in love with him. I don't want anyone's ok to date OM. Actually, I am D and can date anyone I want. But I still love my ex-h and realize that the "perfect" marriage does not exist. There is give and take, good and bad and alot of compromise. I am working on giving up OM, I have been attending an affairs group. I guess in a marriage there is always one person who gives more and that person was me and will continue to be me. Its the right thing to do, do go back to ex, he is the father of my daughter. Started reading Db book again so I guess my baby steps are smaller than other people's.
Quote: I am thinking about giving him my copy of DB, see if he takes it. He was never a reader, but maybe he would did it since we have been to 3 counselors and a priest and we did not have success with anyone.
Guys don't read, get the M/V tapes @ HALF.com and listen together, and talk a lot.
this is my first read in your thread and all i can say is how obvious your need for time alone is.
they say that no woman can find her center until she is truly alone
it sux... buleave me... you're together forever, and then there's no one...
you absolutely must work on becoming what you want to be, and fight fight fight those urges to change so a man will like you.... (it's what you're doing, you know? plain as black and white, to me)
Thanks poepad, thats a good idea and never really thought of that, she is always reading is biking mags, by yeah a actual book, mayber you are right and I am going to check out that sight. Maybe while our daughter is at dance, we can watch some of it together.
