Hi. Everything is going great here, H is gone again (has been for 3 weeks), he's due back on the 31st.
Just wanted to ask if anyone believes in fate/and or psychic stuff?
Well, weird thing happened. As most of you know I was married b/4. My ex-husband destroyed just about everything I owned during fits of rage that he had on and off for years.
My mother died when I was 20. In my bedroom growing up I had a set of paintings hanging on my wall, all girls w/big eyes in different costumes (harlequin, etc.). I took them with me when I married and they were destroyed by my x-h years ago.
I've been thinking lately about how wishy washy I was during all of those abusive years, how I didn't stand up for myself, how much I lost, etc. How I'd like to have some of those things just to pass on to my kids, and now I can't. I have been having dreams about my x-h, me telling him I hate him, give me my things back, etc. I have also had dreams about my mother. In some of the dreams, she is there as the abuse goes on, in others my present H is there and "saves" me.
So, I've never seen those paintings anywhere, my mother always told me that she loved them because they made her think of me (I have big, dreamy eyes).
Anyway...
My daughter was playing in the tub last night and banged her mouth on the sid eof the tub, hurting her tooth. I called her dentist, her old dentist, the base dentist, NO ONE called me back (of course, today is Sunday). So, I opened the phonebook, the first number I saw was for a Ped. dentist, he answered the phone, he was at his office! He told me to bring D right in. I did and he was showing my D the paintings in his office, saying things like "look at this litter girl with the cat, she has big eyes like you". Wow... I looked at the paintings, his office was loaded with them, and they made me happy for some reason. The artists name is Keane.
My D is ok, knocked her tooth loose, but it didn't fall out, he said she'd be fine, and the tooth would be ok. As were were leaving, he said "those paintings look like your daughter, you should see if you can find them, your daughter has big, dreamy eyes" OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As soon as he said that, I knew this was the same artist! I went on ebay, and I FOUND THE EXACT SET THAT I HAD AS A CHILD!!! HOW FREAKY IS THAT?????? I bid a VERY high bid hoping no one would outbid me, I doubt anyone will, LOL. I just feel so happy now about this, I know it's a material thing, and my life is great without this "stuff", but now I will hopefully have something that I can give my daughter that I used to have (not the same exact items, but the same paintings!). I just feel such a sense of peace.
I find your dreams fascinating....I think your inner peace about the bid on the paintings is a clear sign from your unconscious.
You see, these precious objects were stolen from you..."destroyed" by anger and violence....
I believe this goes WAY beyond "material belongings"...these were portraits of YOU... the dreamy eyed girl, the innocent.
This image, and perhaps the reality of that was violated by your XH....
I think your unconscious, your deeper wisdom, your soul, is calling you to reclaim that..
I think you bidding on the paintings is an EXCELLENT way of honouring these dreams...of perhaps passing on to your D a part of you, you've reclaimed!!!
Shiny
P.S.... A psychologist I may be...but I believe there's a whole lot more to life than what can be observed and measured!!!
Hi guys! Thanks for posting! I haven't been posting lately. I sometimes come on and read a few threads (mal, ellie, shiny). I find myself depressed sometimes after hanging out on the board. I don't know if anyone else ever feels like that. I get to thinking about "the old R" and the bomb, etc., and it becomes an obsession again, thinking about it, "feeling" it.
I try to stay away sometimes, but I still check out the newcomers and MLC, and this forum. When I see someone with a similar sitch., I get a bit sad.
On a lighter note, the auction ends in a couple of days, hopefully I'll win! We are leaving HI in about 10 weeks. We are sad about it, but are looking forward to the new base, and H's retirement in about a year and a half.
The anniversary of the bomb is coming up, Dec. 2. The anniversary of the day he started saying ILY again is coming up after the new year. I asked H on the phone (he's away in another country again) "can you believe it's been almost a year since, you know". He didn't say much, but I got a great email telling me how much he loves me, is happy and full, and complete. AND... how happy he is that I put up with his crap and stuck by him through it all.
Woohoooooo.... things are going well here!
I also see myself as a much stronger person now. Much stronger than I ever was, I think. I think that's part of the reason I have dreams about my XH and the things he did to me. I'm pissed at myself a little bit for not standing up to him. But, I don't beat myself up over it anymore, I just know I'm a different Jill now, and I have a great life!
I hope you guys are doing ok. I'm about to pop over to Ellie's thread to see if she's doing ok w/the fires.
Shiny, I'm going to check out your thread too. Thanks for popping over!
