Well things have finally exploded. My H is absolutely adamant about getting a divorce so I'm going to give it to him. He told me this D is what I asked for, it's what I've been pushing for so he's going to give it to me.
Did you ask for it? What happened? Tell us more so we can help. Better post on Newcomers, you'll get more replied, also your situation is not exectly 'Piecing' yet....
No, I didn't ask for the divorce. I've been piecing since august but fighting the divorce for a year now. My h says that he no longer wants to be married to me and that he wants the divorce. I tried to get an extension but since he has to agree to it I can't submit it. I tried to put in a dismissal but he says he'll just turn around and put it back in. I've been on this board since June 03. About 3 weeks ago he finally admitted that he wanted to be married but because I didn't change and won't change he wants the divorce now. He says he has no time to wait anymore for me to fix myself. Even though he admits that we have only been trying for 2 months to really fix our marriage. He says since this is what I originally requested then this is what I'm going to get. I asked for it! It's so sad because I've been trying to fix this since 02 but he now admits that he was ready for the divorce 30 days after he moved out in Dec 02. Apparently I've only been hurting myself this entire time. I wonder though why he kept calling me to go out...it must have just for a piece.
I'm so sad but there is no changing his mind. And because there is so much at stake (our house, the equity, visitation, etc) I'm going to have to protect myself by going forward with the divorce. He's already signed everything over to me in the final decree...it only lacks the judges signature.
I am in the same situation as you are, only I am H. I left home, we already separated our equity. I have only once asked her: do you think all this is worth it? She said yes, so I moved ahead with the D.
We're waiting for the judge for the legal separation. I don't know what I can do either, but I decided to start my new life, and hopefully she changes her mind, but I'm afraid not. I miss my kids terribly and I am very frustrated. I read on the boards that you should take care of yourself, so that's what I do.
If you need to, write here. The worst part is when there are doubts, and fights over the division of goods etc. After that, maybe things can cool down, and you'll be able to get a grip on yourself. Don't pursue H! Try to fix yourself first.
Yes, I've given up the pursuit of my h. Not worth it. He continues to maintain that I'm the problem and there is no talking to him. We had gone to counseling but the counselor refused to see him back because he did not disclose his conditions for what he was really willing to do to save the marriage...he lied when he said he was willing to do ANYTHING to save it. That lie lasted 3 days.
He says this is all my fault...that I caused this divorce.
Now we are going to the final hearing and I'm going to push to get half of the $5,000 I have spent this past year trying to make this work. I think it is only fair since it became his 'divorce' too back in Dec 02...he just failed to mention it to me.
Thanks for your help. Be praying for me, I have to see him tonight at our son's soccer practice. I'm dreading it.
My H has also filed for a D and NO I DO NOT WANT IT!!
But here is my current thinking. The anger and the blaming it all on you is evidence of the stage he is in. The more you try to convince him you do not want this or it is not the right thing or he is throwing away all the years together....just makes him dig in his heals. You are actually giving him JUSTIFICATION for his thinking. You are giving him the control and power.
The more you act that way, the more he can say, "see she is totally irrational, unrealistic, blah blah blah" See? And beleive me he will make it out more in his mind that is reality. So when your acting that way, he makes it 10 times worse in his head.
To me this is just another step in the process. Kind of like moving out, or going to C. They are all places H is looking for the happiness he is searching for. The thought that goes through H head (I think) is something like: Water, your the reason I'm unhappy, so I need to move out. Ok, that didn't make me happy, so lets give the C a try. Still not happy, lets get OW, hummmm still not happy. I know, I need to D Water, that will make me happy.
My guess is that will not make him happy either. But until he lives through it, I cannot change his mind.
And even for me it will put closure to that R. There is NO WAY that I want that R back. IF we EVER get back together, it will have to be a totally NEW R.
I'm not giving up hope, just watching the process. No piece of paper can tell me to stop loving H.
Quote: Did you ask for it? What happened? Tell us more so we can help. Better post on Newcomers, you'll get more replied, also your situation is not exectly 'Piecing' yet....
It took me a while, but I realized she'd just changed her screen name.
It's such a comfort to get your message this morning. I'm in turmoil in my mind, my heart, my body. You are right he'll have to go through this to figure out what will make him happy. I do love him but there is nothing I can do if he won't agree to halt the divorce. I'll have to get divorced even if I don't want to. I'm still praying for a last minute miracle!!!
I meet with my attorney this afternoon to get ready for the final hearing on the 17th. I'm so dreading this 'new phase' in my life and I just mourn the possibility that my h won't come back. I'm with you though I do not want the old R back!!!! or I would just do as he wants and take him back unchanged.
She has been here in piecing. I am assuming she changed the screen name for a reason, if you look at page 2 in piecing you'll see her last thread (the name on that changed as well).
