Well, hard to believe it, but here I am in piecing! Over the weekend, hubby said the three words I was waiting to hear him say...I love you! He also said one word, after I said it, that was well received, too....Sorry! Woooohooo! We are on our way to a better marriage! He and I spent weekend checking out garage sales, planted some tulip bulbs in a drift wood planter he had made for driveway, and doing what folks making up do best Have lots more work to do and he is going to be gone for most of November (at work)....but things sure are looking up. I know for me, I need to keep going to AA meetings, working steps with sponsor, going to church and bible study, and writing group....staying active and socially balanced...but also need to be sure that I am spending good quality time with hubby and son, as well.. Hubby and I are going out of town this weekend together. I have to have some biopsy stuff done due to previous breast cancer....thinking I will take some sexy lingerie....after all...may be my last weekend with two breasts! (They will remove one if positive for cancer) I might as well spoil husband and feel sexy and good about myself .... No matter what...things are going to be ok....especially if I take care of me and take things one day at a time....and keep myself close to God! Wooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooo! I'm here! In piecing...can't believe it!
Alaskangal~ Welcome to Piecing!! I am not any where near where you are with your R, but the people here are great and I hope to be in your place some day!
Great for you!!!
What is the background of your situation? How long have you been at it? What turned things around?
This is a great place to be. I'm not where you are at yet, but hope to be in the near future. I love all these new faces and successes, it's good for the ole PMA!!
Welcome, Alaskangal - I was following some of your thread over in Newcomers - you set some kind of speed record getting to Piecing, but I really attribute it to your remarkable ability to take responsibility for yourself and get treatment for your alcoholism. Good for you!
Ok, let's see for a brief recap of sitch.. Me-40 H-37 Son-12 married for seven years this December, together for ten years
I am alcoholic. H is not. H tends to be withdrawer. I am pursuer. For almost two years now, I have been asking H to go to church, counciling, something...he has not been interested. He works away from home...is home 2 weeks then gone to a camp on the north slope of Alaska for 2 weeks. When my son and husband were both gone....son is from previous marriage and spends lots of weekends with his dad...I was going out to bars and drinking...spending lots of money...and I mean LOTS of money....have a mood disorder on top of alcoholism and so can be very impulsive, spending money, long distance telephoning, etc.. biggest fear was being alone....beg h for help from time to time, but nothing changes....we fight, make up, fight make up, cycle of me drinking goes on....I keep binging when alone Late July Push comes to shove...h and I have huge fight..things in house damaged, etc...I get ticket and fly to Anchorage...go out partying with cousin and friends.... H goes to bank, takes my name off accounts, closes out my visa check card, cancels checks, and puts stop on checks I am writing while out on binge....(He was primary on accounts so he was able to do all this) Meanwhile, the partying in Anchorage is not helping me to feel better.... Something in me snaps....I fall on my knees in bathroom at cousin's place and beg God to help me quit drinking...
I call H and tell him I am ready to quit drinking for REAL this time....will do it on my own...he doesn't have to help H is unimpressed....says wants D ...does NOT love me ....and goes to stay with his folks shortly after I come home...
August
my S decides to go live with his dad....starts school there.....H is not really talking to me....I move downstairs to guest room....H moves back into house but is distance and still going to see Attorney....asks for disolutionment, but says will file for divorce if necessary....calls real estate lady about selling house... says he is sorry he ever married me....
I am going to AA, have sponsor, and trying to db to the best of my ability....being kind to H, cooking, cleaning, etc...
I start really taking care of me...spending lots of sober time Alone....learning to like self again..... start going to church and writing group......
September Am still giving h his space, have hard time not calling him when he is away at work...but trying to the best of my ability to leave him alone and focus on self..... He comes home for two weeks and is a bit nicer to me....but says he is just trying to be civil and still remain emotionally detached....
October....again, try hard not to call him at work much...he starts calling me more and more...... Comes home....things are good for a few days....then I have hissy fit....tell him I need to know where I stand....and say that I am not afraid to be alone anymore....maybe I am the one who now wants divorce...at least better than way we are living now....later that evening I ask him to "do something different" with me....I suggest I apologize and he apologizes like normal folks do.... It works....
We make up and he finally says I LOVE YOU to me again....the next days are great....
BUT....I know we have a long long road ahead of us.....and I don't want to forget how close we came to the big D..... So, here I am in piecing....
Oh, and we did have sex along the way there...even though I didn't always feel so enthusiastic about it... I think it did keep him emotionally attached....and wanting more So, even when things are bad...sometimes sex is a good thing..after all you ARE married!
Thanks! To all of you who have welcomed me here to piecing, thanks so much! While it may seem like it was fast to you...my leap from newcomers forum to piecing....the time from July to October was agony for me....however, I did keep practicing all the db techniques I read about here and in Michelle's books....and I think, too, that God has had a lot to do with it. I prayed and prayed for a chance to reconcile my marriage and had others praying for me, as well..... My sobriety is all thanks to God, AA, and my sponsor and group members....but it sure is helping the marriage....and me...my self esteem and my outlook on life.... It's amazing to me that I am here, too....I plan to continue to work hard to keep my marriage moving forward along a healthy, happy path that my husband and I can walk on side by side.
Hey all! Well, went for my biopsy and GREAT NEWS so far all appears negative for return of breast cancer! My H was supportive and really there for me.... I am so excited. My son is home again and I have decided to try and stay out of his and H's relationship... letting them solve their own problems...and they are getting along great! They have been playing Mario Golf in the evenings while I am at bible study or AA meetings! I know that God, AA, my sponsor, all of you great folks here and DB'ing have gotten me to this place....now I have to focus on doing the work to keep this good stuff going! Reminding self to stay focused on me and what I can change about myself to make things better around me is the biggest task I face daily....it's so easy to want to fix others...but working on ourselves provides much better results! H is at work for three weeks this time...has not decided whether or not to take vacation over Christmas alone...I have decided to support whatever decision he makes...if he needs a vacation and wants to go see his family without me and son...that's ok. I'd rather he spend Christmas with us, but am not going to push my agenda...let him make his mind up and do what he really wants to do!
Thanks again for all the support I have gotten here......it helps so much!
here I am in piecing....