Just a quick note - nope, I haven't dropped out on you (not intentionally, anyway) - my boys have been sick this week. Went to the doctor today - they thought one of them had pnemonia but x-rays said no - looks like croup. Coughing, fevers, very tired, plus W has been battling illness off too. This is my second day home from work - I'm "working from home" - ha ha ha - which means I'm not really getting too much done. Work is really getting busy, too...
Anyway, W said that she LOVED the vacation this past weekend - it was great. The boys LOVED the railroad, we all had a great time. Funny thing is, at a different time this trip would have been a disaster, but my W and I are much more skilled at talking things out now, much better commuinication. I think that every day we're leaning more about ourselves and our dynamics. Talking a lot about parenting, how we react to stress, intimacy, etc. Good stuff -
Anyway, I need to catch up on the board - I've gotten so far behind I have little hope of actuall catching up, but I'll hop back on board when things calm down a little more.
We're ordering cabinets, I'm talking to landscapers, more talk about paint and decorating - I'm actually starting to feel overwhelmed with work, home, and sick kids - but I'm trying to learn to not stress over it. It's been one of my problems in the past, too much to worry about, but I'm gonna try to just let it go... it's just life, after all.
Boys are sleeping on the couch / chair next to me right now - lots of coughing, poor little guys. They're so tired - not eating well either.
One of the nice things about being Dad is that you know you can give comfort. I like that. One of them showed up at 4:00 in the morning next to the bed, I hoisted him in, and he cuddled up with me and got some good sleep.
Later y'all - will get back in the groove here before long -
Sorry to hear that boys and W are ill...Went through the same here for a couple of weeks (H and I) and it wasn't pleasant.
It is fantastic that your vacation went so well and that W as well as you are managing your communication skills well I still get giddy when I think about just how much your sitch has turned around.
If you get the chance there is a sitch I think you might be able to help out on : Another Newcomer
The gentleman concerned did manage to get W to Retrouvaille but it almost seems like she is using the stuff the learned there against him.
Hope everyone gets better soon and look forward to hearing about all the progress being made in your sitch when you get the chance
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Made the rounds in newcomers, need to catch up on the piecing folk - had to take a break and give my son a steam shower for his coughing and now it's after midnight.
W has arranged a special day for me tomorrow - men's package at a spa, which is kind of embarassing to say out loud, but I get a massage and a haircut so it can't be bad. Isn't she thoughtful?
W actually gave me a massage herself last night - first time she's done something like that for me since the bomb. She said tonight that she's aware of enjoying little things now, like our legs touching (I was sitting next to her on the bed). Things seem to be progressing daily.
C has told us both that it's time to "be" in this state for awhile - enjoy the status quo for now. She asked W why she didn't want to move back to the bedroom yet, and W listed a few things like I snore and that we seem to be cramped in the bed. i guess it's time to get a king-size. And see the doctor about snoring. She enjoys having the other bedroom as her space, where she can do whatever she wants.
Funny, much of this really doesn't seem like relationship stuff... and I know there's stuff to work on there, but perhaps just making some simple changes will make her more comfortable in coming back to the master...
Oh, also, we took a bath together last night - at her suggestion. That was another post-bomb first. Things are really going well!!
Goodnight y'all - got to get some sleep. I'll catch up with everyone over the weekend -
It is good to see you back! Your smiling presence was missed!!!
Sorry the boys are sick, sounds rough. I think there is some sort of bug already going around here and it isn't even winter yet.
Boy things just seem to be getting better and better with W. That is great!! I'm so happy for you guys. It is wonderful to see a R turn around like you two's has done.
Hope you enjoy your day today.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Sounds like love.........I'm so happy that things are going in the right direction for you. I dream of that day.....
As for the bedroom things, maybe these are just a cover for some insecurities she still has to work through but it wouldn't hurt to make some of those changes.
Cozying up in the tub sounds like a good way to start things moving in the right direction to the bedroom. I'm not pushing you by any means but I feel like you'll be getting there soon. Touching is a wonderful way to talk love without saying it.
Keep up the good work. We are so glad that you are making progress regularly. I hope that you post your story on the BB as one of the successes when all is said and done. It will give others the inspiration that we need to continue through this process. Maybe you could do one of your short stories on it, ha ha . Tootles.............
Don't underestimate the "logistical" reasons for your W wanting her own "sleep space".
Although we have a queen sized bed and CJ isn't really a tosser, he DOES snore ...I CANNOT get to sleep with him in bed with me.
It's far from ideal, but he generally falls asleep on the couch...I go to bed hours later...and he usually joins me in the wee hours of early morn when I'm deeply asleep and less likely to waken.
As for the rest of what's going on with you....I'm JEALOUS!!!
Hey Bill, I'm really glad to hear things are going so well for ya. sounds like W has really turned things around and is committed. That makes me feel good. sorry to hear bout the sickness in the family - hope it goes quickly - that can be a handful with sick children. But hey like you said it's great that you can give comfort. well don't be a stranger and keep us posted- good luck. johnny
Thanks so much for all the great feedback! I was planning to spend more time over the weekend on the board, but now W and I are sick in addition to our coughing boys (who are getting better). Ah, such is life. I had a meeting cancelled this morning so though I'd spend some time typing at y'all.
Our intimacy is still creeping forward - she has no qualms about being naked in front of me now, we're really having good kissing passion, and she's - um - "guiding my hands" now, letting me touch more than the "safe" areas of her body. She wants me to come in her room regulary now, and spend time laying on the bed watching TV before she kicks me out to go to bed. Good stuff! She also seems to be decorating and cleaning up the master bedroom area a little more, maybe a sign that she's starting to see it a little more has her space.
She's talking about sex, saying that she wants to maybe plan it out and make it special instead of - um - just doing it on the bathroom floor (like we almost did) - I think we're getting closer.
What else - I bought her a bunch of clothes that I thought she'd look good in (returned 60% of it after she tried them on, but I'm used to that hit rate, just the way we do it) and she was really happy with that. Planned a trip to Mendocino on the cost north of San Francisco for the weekend after Thanksgiving - MIL will be in town to watch the boys -
All in all, things are coming along nicely - no backsliding, no signs that things are going backwards at all. We're both really happy! I told her last night that I really feel that she loves me - she feels that she's not doing enough to show that, she said, but whatever she's doing I guess she's speaking my LL. Perhaps my LL is "not leaving" LOL
Working on house stuff - have cabinet orders underway, this is a priorty for W - moving along talking to landscapers - and I think W has finally chosen paint colors, I finally lost interest, it's her thing now - we need to just find a painter now.
C says to both of us to stick with the status quo for now - get used to things and enjoy it. She has me reading books that taking me more into "spiritual" topics - you know, I've always thought of myself as someone who's open to that sort of stuff - but I'd finding that I'm more of a cynic I think. I was data, evidence, some sort of CREDIBILITY when someone writes about what's in me, the natural state of the spirit of man, etc. etc. My thought is always "how do you know? What are your qualifications? etc. etc." Perhaps time for an attitude shift. Looks like this whole DBing thing might just be the start of a personal journey that may last some time. Who knows?
Good thoughts to everyone out there - I should actually do some work now -
Hi Bill! Wohooooo! Sounds like great progress at your house. Sorry to hear that you two are sick as boys get better but isn't that always the way it is with kids?
Hey I can relate with your W on the snoring issue. The fact that you are willing to try to do something about it is great. That is one of the issues in my R. I am exhausted at the end of the day and then I toss and turn as a result of my H's snoring.
Our queen bed was uncomfortable too. Last spring I went to find a new bed and then took H to see it. They had 3 firmnesses. He liked hardest and I liked softest. So you think - compromise on medium right? But then neither of us would be comfortable. So we bought Select Comfort adjustable bed - king sized! He sleeps at 65 or so and I am at 35. Both of us were happy and sleeping better. Now I have the whole thing to myself which solves snoring issue, but I'd rather have him here. Besides, I know he misses the bed!
Did you get your spa day in with being ill and all? What did you think? I am jealous and want to live vicariously through your experience!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
It is wonderful to see a R turn around like you two's has done.
...I CANNOT get to sleep with him in bed with me. 
She wants me to come in her room regulary now, and spend time laying on the bed watching TV before she kicks me out to go to bed. Good stuff! She also seems to be decorating and cleaning up the master bedroom area a little more, maybe a sign that she's starting to see it a little more has her space.