It does feel very wrong . It will feel that way for quite awhile .
Oh how I feel for you with the lack of a real fight . Look at it a different though . You have grown to not allow yourself to even get to that point . Same here I took back control of how I handle my emotions and what allow around my children . I wasn’t much of a yeller to begin with but was a push over . Took a long time to balance getting my point across in just a few words and most of it not being negotiable. Boundaries . Your H saying it was to keep the peace is just an excuse . Ignore it . Really just ignore it . They say all types of craziness .
Just a few words of advice when he asks what you have planned . I used to be an oversharer. Keep it short . I have plans or errands . I have a little name I call it . Ghost mode . I just drop off . If it was not kid related that needed attention I would not respond . I will always respond to my children though .
It’s very sad . Even while I’m somewhat I would say in repair . I am a way different person .
It’s been I think about 8-9 months for BD for me . Some of the things that I can tell you that have slowly come out when H does talk are : you gave me space , you didn’t pressure me , you didn’t need or want anything from me , you were rock solid if I stayed or left . Very different than the spew he spit out with a list of everything I did wrong . I get a lot more of he’s fearful I will boot him .
Hang in there . It’s a long haul . Sending you hugs and kisses .
I am definitely an oversharer, which is why I think this is so hard for me. I also used to tell H pretty much everything. I miss that. Had a good weekend. Pretty much ran errands and did things I wanted to do. D17 had junior prom. She had SO much fun! So happy for her. Just went with a group of friends. So I felt pretty good this weekend and know I feel like I’ve gotten dumped back into bizzaro world.
A large majority of the posters are fixers. Sharing with someone who has "left the building" is difficult because you now need to step back and only share some of what you use to share with him. It is difficult I know...but you can't share everything with him at this time. You can share what's happening with the children and bills (if need be), but what is going on in your life...share with a close friend. He needs to miss you and be curious in order for him to one day rethink what he has done and question whether he did the right thing.
You are doing just fine. We are all here for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
