MA has inspired me to update as our time on here started around the same time. I don’t Have a great deal to update on. The kids and I are fine. Life is Hectic. Some days I am just so stuffed but I wouldn’t have it any other way. D15 and I had an amazing time at Ms Swifts amazing concert. S13 has just started boxing and I have joined too. I must say it’s great to punch the absolute crxx out of something some days. I’ve joined a local football team playing over 35s and have my first game coming up. Still juggling kids and job and all the running around. Some days I feel like a taxi-mum. H is still in contact but it varies week to week. Sometimes we get nice messages sometimes we get photos. He isn’t great on organising calls to often but I don’t pester him. He has days where he tells me “ the kids hate me everyone hates me” I just listen. He has even called me a few times and chatted about work and life etc. it’s been nice but he is still very much in in his crisis and in denial from what I can tell. I’m still being the lighthouse I am just not putting my life on hold for him. The underlying pain is mostly gone. How can you be so mad at someone that is so unwell. This isn’t my H or the man I fell in love with this is the man in turmoil with trauma and childhood programming that is trying to find himself to feel worthy. I remember thinking I was so relieved when I realised it was a MLC but I so strongly remember DNJ words saying he hoped it wasn’t that as it truly was a long and bad process and there is no real knowing how they pull through. I can now see exactly what he meant. The crisis could last a few years or never end. It’s not for the faint hearted really. I’m not sure how this story will end but I just take it day by day now. Either way I know I’m going to be ok. Great even. H won’t be. If he doesn’t pull himself through he will be destined for a very miserable life unfortunately. I do hope that’s not the case for him but it’s not up to me. Never was Hope everyone is well on here. I hardly have time to jump on anymore
M:41 H:48 T:20. M:16.5 BD: 15/12/22 -moved out 17/3/2023
Fabulous to read your update Pattnee. What a difference a year makes eh? You're doing great. The detaching is funny. It used to be so hard but comes naturally now & it's always a bit of a shock when his crazy behaviour [censored] me back in to that black hole (fortunately doesn't happen often) I love this forum. I don't think either of us would be where we are without the useful words & advice others shared. Keep going, you're doing great girl (plus, with all your boxing, you'll have a great right hook if he ever does step out of line!)
