8 months since I last posted something on the forum. Time is flying by…
To everyone who still reads here sometimes, and who has been a huge support to me during what was surely one of the most difficult periods of my life, thank you!!!
8 months ago, however, I decided to take all your advice with me and do my own thing with it, and that was to start looking for the new me (or rather the me I want to be). Going to find out what I want, but more importantly, what I don't want anymore. It has become an incredible learning experience from which I have derived enormous satisfaction.
The brash, impulsive and intuitive person I was when I was younger is all the way back and I am a huge fan of it.
The button I flipped 8 months ago was because I finally started to realise that I was still very much dependent of my ex. MLC'er and his deep struggles. After the events of our last reconnection and the pain he’d caused again to our kids and me, was the exact reason why I flipped it, crazy but this happened overnight. I completely closed the door on him that time.
I learnt an awful lot in those last eight months on my journey of discovery. I contacted old friends, did speed dates, signed up on a dating app, met all kinds of new people, took a course and got a degree, threw myself into my new position at work,...In short, gained a lot of new experiences. And I simply learned to be happy on my own, without a partner, together with my kids, family and have built up a very nice circle of friends.
But you can't stop love when it comes your way...
During my education, which actually lasted 1.5 years, I met a fantastic man, we clicked when we met for the first time, but we both held off for almost 2 years, we didn't even know about each other's feelings, probably because we were both still in a difficult and uncertain situation. With me, this has now been completely finalised, with him the situation is still somewhat complex, but it has also cleared up over the past few months.
However, after gaining our degree, we met occasionally for a drink since we got along so well, and finally we both have been open about our love for each other, this about two months ago now. And something incredibly beautiful is growing between us. Never thought I would experience this feeling again. A blissful time.
As for ex. MLC'er, he is still completely lost. The kids see him about once a month, this only for a few hours, not because they want to, but because it's their father and don't want to cut off contact completely. I myself have sporadic contact, this mainly for the children, but very minimal. Sometimes he suddenly still sends emotional messages, but then I hold off. A boundary has been reached and he won't get over that anymore. I don’t feel hate towards him, in the contrary, I feel like it has been a journey which made me a better, happier person. I sincerely wish him all the best and hope one day he will come out of the hell he’s in. But I never ever want to reconnect anymore. My deep love for him has faded away. To much happened which can't be forgotten anymore. But yes, I forgave him completely.
Hope to come back here soon and give you more insight about my “second life”.
Eagle, I rarely come on here anymore and am way overdue for an update. It was so nice to see your name (name-ish) and to read your update. The wonderful man part sounds impossible! and so nice. Happy that you are feeling so good and sending you all my love.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
