Last week i was saying that maybe i would not need therapy, now i can not wait for my appointment tomorrow. I was in the gym and could feel tears building up, i need to keep to classes so my mind does not go to dark places.
This week he have sent me loads of messages, plus lawyers letters. I had 1 day free of his crap. Some days he choose to go on the attack. when are we putting the house in the market? others he goes on how much he misses his daughter and that he loves her very much, asking for cute photos and wanting chit chat.
I am so tired of mind games. If was not my daughter future on the line i would have given up long time ago. This can break anyone.
I do not replay, just anything to do with his daughter, but of course you still read and feel crap afterwards.
Today one second he was texting me asking if i could drive half of way to drop his daughter ( So i would have to drive 300km return). Hello? He knew where she live before he decide to move more then 300 km away. I know that will happen one day, but i actually never have been 1 day without seeing my daughter. Not sure how i will deal with that. The next minute he was sending a text to let me know that the steak was on offer this week.
I know that he never gonna comeback, he is far to happy with his life, drinking, easy sex, feeling like he is the man to realize how much damage he is causing. His happiness is the only thing that matters.
I am 4/5 months in this situation, with 2 months in the pick me dance. somehow i feel like i should be more ahead in the game. Being financially dependent on him does not help, he have a lot of power at the moment. ( I try not show to him of course). But he have the money, the fact that he is infatuate with a Ow (younger and party girl), that the law his not pro to the child here. The only think that i have is being stubborner, have principals and have my daughter.
He came for the weekend, and to be honest this have to stop (him staying in the house). He was a really nice guy, but at the moment i think he hates me. He was extremely cold, lost his temper at least once and is in general very frustrated with me. I am not doing what he wants (get lost, with the less money possible) and he feels like i am stopping him from having this great life. He behaved very badly, went trough my stuff in the bedroom when i was out, and even took my engagement ring from my jewelry box without my consent or knowledge. Luckily i realize the day after and confronted him, he admitted and left the ring before he left. But how low is he getting? I definite do not know this person.
Not sure if his ow would be happy to know that he is very active in the date sites, specially in the asian ones. Not serious? was she really a exit affair?
I was looking for some details today and found some emails from us, from years ago....we definite loved each other. Its nice to realize that was not all wasted time.
No more sex with him right? We have a few posters here e that contracted stds. One who needed a surgery or precedire for one of them. I have an acquaintance that contracted HIV from her husband and found out while she was pregnant.
What these people do is beyond irresponsible and selfish. it’s dangerous. And it’s dangerous cause you have a little girl to take care of. I know this is a marriage saving site, but I. don’t believe in saving marriages with people that put the health and welfare of people - especially the people that are sole carers of small children at risk.
Listen to your lawyers and do what’s best for you and your child. Take advantage of the fact that he legally wants you out of here. You have loving family and support in Europe? is the only reason you are staying where you are because you are trying to force a relationship between dad and daughter?
Your daughter is young. Supportive grandparents will help more then a dad that only sees her 2x a month. That was my situation. it’s the one thing I am so grateful for. I got bare minimum. But I also lay next to my son in bed and am just so grateful he didn’t value my beautiful boy and not having to give away time with my son is a huge gift.
In my situation, I didn’t find out till much later that ex had some sort of 700 dollar a week habit. He did to me similar to what your ex is doing to you, except I had no knowledge of an affair and he wasn’t trying to sleep with me. he just moved out completely.
It’s hard to handle right now because he has been gaslighting you. that’s the abuse but seems like you have good lawyers that are on top of it.
Now we have a very small percentage of posters that reconciled and it seems to last. But we also have a lot of return customers that post on here too. Meaning, they reconcile and then maybe 5 or 10 years later their spouses do the same thing again. Do you want to be here older and with a kid that’s okder and now understands what cheating is? This happens cause most of the cheating on my spouse and abandoning my kids happens by people that seek greener grass. They want a younger woman. then their spouse moves on and they want them back. maybe the younger woman dumped them. Or maybe they realize they don’t want to pay support and can just be quieter about their affairs. It’s easier to hide money that way too.
Right now your in a good position. Make decisions based on your best interest and your daughters best interest. Stop trying to make him have a relationship he doesn’t want with his daughter. that’s not good for your daughter either.
We have 2 reason to stay in this country. One he have to allow me to go. He says yes to me, but to his lawyer he asked to put a stop in her passport. Is really difficult to make the call to go. I would be responsible for her not be able to have his dad her life. And the second is that we are very close to be able to apply for our citizenship, 14 months away. My daughter would have 3 very strong passports, that would be an incredible opportunity in the future to work/study/travel.
I cannot deny that my life would be much easier back home. I would have a huge family support . I would have a job to go a free house to stay, could easily retrain and would have help with my daughter. I could empower myself as women and an individual. But what is better for me is not necessary what is better for my daughter or at least i do not want to make a decision with a hot head.
In our case i do not think is any chance of saving this relationship, not because he have had an affair (its huge) but because he is treating me and his daughter very poorly. I do not trust a word that comes out of his mouth. His very difficult to understand his behavior because he always have been a very kind men. Do they all go into hate mode, when you are not doing what they want you to do?
I can not see any bit of remorse for what he is doing to us, at all. And i am starting to be very concerned about the impact that this "war" is having on my daughter. She is suffering from anxiety when he comes and visit. Not because she does not like him, but because she knows that he will mistreat me, somehow she always end up crying. we use to be a happy family, very respectful to each other. Last time she actually pipi her pants and vomit when they went out together. She was not sick or even have pipi her trousers since nappy training.
I went to counselling today, and the therapist had trouble to follow my mind. Its so much going on, so much pressure and pain. I have 4 big issues at the moment, my daughter (how this is affecting her), him (how can i stop focusing in all the [censored] that he is giving me and what he is doing sleeping around, etc), financial stability ( i am financial dependent on him and he is using that to try to manipulate me) and myself (how can i move forward).
His family is not helping at all, of course they are supporting their son/brother, but they are actually feeding the fire, they are supporting and encouraging all this behavior. not realizing what they are doing to me, they doing to their granddaughter.
Funny is that his parents separate for the same reasons. And his mother was a mess, even try to commit suicide. But i deserve all of the abuse that i am getting and worse.
I will try to keep strong, i will try to look after myself and my daughter.
I am even considering to go on a date. I feel good about my appearance at moment and i think would be good to have a distraction, go out for dinner, have a drink and a laugh. I am good looking, young, strong, happy women. Not allowing this men (cheater) to completely destroy my self esteem.
So i have been trying to move forward and try to find my happy place
I have been looking after myself.
*have been to a massage *have been to reiki session *have spend loads of time with friends, had a great time *keep going to the gym *keep going to therapy *Keep being a good mum *the house is looking great, garden and house tidy
My ex-partner is going to new low points, not paying child support, stop paying the house bills. I will survive this. i can not control what he does, but i can control how i react. I will not give him the pleasure of destroying me.
So i went on a date. A friend of a friend of a friend. He just got divorce as well. 26 years married, 12 years older then me. But we are really connecting.
Very easy to talk with, and he is worrying more about my daughter more then her dad. A lot of positive vibes. Do not want to rush it, but is nice to feel desired and "look after".
In another negative note. Finally i have start to tell people that i am not longer with my partner. very sad to see how many married guys (that i know there families) try there luck with me. seriously i just have been crying for months because of cheating do you reckon that i would do that to another women/ family??
Not sure if much have changed since last time that i have posted.
Ex still behaving as a d@@@, still not paying nothing trough is daughter, His aim is to squeeze me financially so i just give in to his terms....good luck. He is actually achieving the opposite, he is giving me strength.
He send me a new deal, not ideal but something that actually its worth it to try to negotiate. At this point i just want to get him out of my life. I have lost any kind of respect for him and do not wish to be fighting for the next 2 years. I want to move on with my life, i deserve better then him. He is texting and calling me almost everyday and using his daughter as an excuse to talk with me (about the deal), so far i have ignore and refuse to engage any any conversation directly with him....we have lawyers.
He still not respect boundaries, last time i have ask him to do the swap (daughter) in a public space just to see how would feel like. 1st question when he saw me ( i was looking quite nice). where are you going? 2nd question: do you want to go for a coffee?
Hello!!???
Last time that i saw him, the only thing that came to my mind was, who his this pathetic BOY, no attraction, no tears, no hopes.
I ask him not to come to the house (specially because he is not paying for anything anymore). He text asking if he could come, i said no, and he still came. Legally i can not do anything, the house is also his
Like my therapist says, i should not get upset about his behavior. He did not respect me for the last 5 months why should he change his behavior now? just let it go and expect the worse.
i am start to see the old me. Confident, independent, resilient and happy.
My friends and family have been fantastic. I am alone in a far away country but have had fantastic support. Can not thank enough my family for all the emotional support but also for the financial support, otherwise i could not fight him for a better deal.
I really click with the "new" guy, but i am with my walls up. He is very nice, but still dealing with his own pain, very recent separation for him.
He is confuse in some points, like why someone like me would want to be with him? In his view i am young, very attractive, when financial settlement finish i would be ok. Why him? and not someone younger, better looking and richer? He is afraid that i would be interested in him because i am looking for a good dad for my daughter. He is a very good dad for his kids, and i can not deny that i found that i plus. But i also like who he is, he is hurting and is not afraid to show it. He is not trying to impress me and lie, he is showing his positive points but also his weakness and he is not afraid to do it.
He is very kind, funny, honest and we can talk for hours very easily. somehow feels like we know each other for ages, we are very comfortable in each other company.
Psychically its a bit strange, i never looked at 48 year old before as a possible sexual partner, but he is attractive (but looks like a 48 year old), lol. He is very fit, very outdoorsy (fishing, hunting, sports, motorbikes, etc) so he is in very good physical shape. I am fit, but different kind of fitness.
I have try to go slowly, dont want to be a rebound relationship, dont want to be a trophy "girlfriend", but also do not want to see him as my hero and the guy that can solve all my problems. Both of us have kids (his teenagers, me a 4 year old) so is just not all about us.
He knows that he need to learn to be happy with himself, and he is doing all the right things. Therapy, spending quality time with his kids and friends, exercising, not drinking, etc.
I just need to enjoy the moment and dont think to much about the future.
But should i date other guys? its to soon for me? One part of me do not want to go to the date scene, would be easy for me to get "laid". i am pretty sure that i would find guys that would want to impress, expensive dinners, nice hotels, maybe a few presents....but how many of that guys just want sex? how many of them would be married? or narcissist? how many frogs would you "have" to kiss to find a nice guy?
