So I left. On the opposite side of the country now.
The day before I left we had lunch together. At first he wouldn’t make eye contact with me but towards the end we were talking like normal again. Later in the afternoon he came by to pick up the dog and say his “last goodbyes” I guess. Trying to not read in too much about it. He kind of avoided the topic of me leaving all together. When he was about to leave we hugged and I started crying and then he started crying. I feel like I would have preferred he just left vs the crying bit because now I’m left wondering. And when he was walking out he just kept trying to look at me as he walked out. I felt like I was in a daytime soap opera.
I talked to him on the phone and he said he hadn’t returned to the house since (so almost 6 days) because it felt too weird for him to be there. Like wth does that mean?
It means he's confused and in turmoil and doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't want you, but he's afraid of losing you too. Just leave him alone, he will probably start pinging you with temperature checks but it's going to be a while before he might genuinely be interested in recon.
Well it's been about 10 months now. I moved back home to Hawaii to be with my family and the ex is still in Maine. Found out recently that he had been seeing someone since around last November, right around when all of this started so, I guess I now know the reason he didn't want to work it out. I also found out that as soon as I moved out from the house, he moved her right in.
Its been intermittently difficult moving on, some days are better than others. We haven't exchanged more than 3-4 texts in the past 6 months, and only about the divorce. I met someone new and its been going well. I still get feelings like i miss him every now and then but its hard to tell if i miss the memories or him.
Well it's been about 10 months now. I moved back home to Hawaii to be with my family and the ex is still in Maine. Found out recently that he had been seeing someone since around last November, right around when all of this started so, I guess I now know the reason he didn't want to work it out. I also found out that as soon as I moved out from the house, he moved her right in.
Its been intermittently difficult moving on, some days are better than others. We haven't exchanged more than 3-4 texts in the past 6 months, and only about the divorce. I met someone new and its been going well. I still get feelings like i miss him every now and then but its hard to tell if i miss the memories or him.
Sorry Lost, but this is why we tell LBSs that 99.999999% there is someone else. It is a sad reality. EVen in the .0000001% it is a fantasy of someone else.
Hang in there, let the emotions come and deal with them. Time is the great healer.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Sorry Lost. You and I are on a similar timeline. My XH denied an OW right up until he went on vacation with her this past March. Swore on our children’s lives there was no one else!!! Now they are engaged and planning a wedding next summer. The ridiculousness of it cannot be overstated. But...it is his life...he can wreck it if he wants to.
In a way...I’m kinda glad he lied to me for so long because it gave me time to get through some of the worst of the “withdrawal” symptoms without adding the extra heartache of being replaced. For what it’s worth...I think the emotions he showed when you saw him the last time were real. My XH cried but he was still determined to start his life over and reinvent himself. Unfortunately, we had kids together so I still have to be in contact with him and our paths inevitably cross in the community from time to time.
I know what you mean about missing him from time to time and wondering if it is him you miss or just the memories. In my case, I think it is the memory of him but even more accurately, the memory of the life I thought we had and would have had if he had been a different person...the kind who actually had the strength of character to honour his vows and work through tough times. I thought he was that guy when I married him. I was mistaken and I know now he is not that guy. But the heart takes a while to catch up to the head...it is a process. Like me, you are through the worst of it and now it is just time you need to fully heal.
I think the distance you have from your H will make it easier to take that time and move forward. Next year at this time, you will be feeling even better. And it must be said...I cannot think of a better place to heal than with family in a beautiful place like Hawaii. I’m jealous. I’ve been to Hawaii three times and it is heaven on earth. (((HUGS)))
