Yes, I'm a doormat! I've come to the slow realization that I'm letting him have all the control and have been willing to put up with his horrible treatment of me just because I'm scared he's going to leave. Well, he's already left! You are absolutely right!
I will do what you have suggested and not take his calls or be available to him like I have been. It's time for a big 180 here.
And NO he doesn't leave money after sex . But when we get in fights he makes me feel like a cat in heat because I initiate sexual contact. He says 'well you called, i had to sleep with you!'. Yikes!
I can't get him to talk about goals for our marriage. When I talk about R, he's stuck on the past. I've tried to get him to let go of the past and to agree to start from this point on...build a new r but he won't. He's always harping on how bad it was and how we can't change, etc.
I think I'll try to get him to see what our marriage can be via letter. Then I'll wait for him to call me, I guess.
Cfronk Don't send your husband anymore letters. You are pursueing him. Change the dance. Let him pursue you. You need to detach from your husband big time, so you can get a handle on your own life. You are trying to control him. You want your husband to think like you. It is not going to happen. If you don't slow down, you are going to chase him away. Hate to be so harsh, but I have been at this for 3 years. I see you setting yourself up for a horrendous fall. Take Care God Bless
Pam had told you what i want to tell you... Detach and beguin a new by your own life... if things change between both of you in the future, voilá... then you will see how to fix the things in your R... but right now he is not accepting any words you are telling and writing... think about this, he needs to see you independent, self living, happy without him, just to beguin realizing and value the things he had done and he is losing... andrea
The last couple of dates we've had, he's been the one to ask me out. Though I did ask him out for drinks a week ago but left quite abruptly because he was absolutely rude. Haven't called him since. He'll be calling this next weekend though because it is his visitation time with the kids. (It will be awful because they don't want to go and he forces them.)
Anyway, I will attempt to detach again but I've done that for 2 months and that was when he called. He got scared though I guess after talking about moving in together and quickly put on the brakes!
So when you say 3 years...does that mean you've been waiting for your H for that long? What's your situation?
. But when we get in fights he makes me feel like a cat in heat because I initiate sexual contact. He says 'well you called, i had to sleep with you!'. Yikes! 