Well, I met with an attorney and she not only told me that yes, I can move back in with no legal ramifications, she actually advised that indeed I should do so.
I only left in the first place because I was trying to appease her and her expressed desire for "time and space" and the hope that it would help us towards R. It was also before I found this forum and DR. She has remained consistent that she isn't going to change her mind. So, I want to go back and be there for my kids as much as possible while I still can. I will continue to DB and be the best me I can be and the best dad I can be. Hopefully, she'll notice and think about things, but I can't be worrying about that.
I wanted to wait until I got a job to move back in, but now I'm not sure if I should wait or do it sooner than later.
Followed by:
Originally Posted by Steve85
Move back in now. That's my vote.
And finally:
Originally Posted by lusa
My vote too Hong.
Our sitches are very similar with us both moving out in January to appease her request for time and space. Then no change with W consistently saying it's over for all this time. I think I realised that well, if it's going to be over then I have nothing to lose by moving back home and spending what time I have left with my kids there. I sort of stopped caring about what she was saying and started making decisions for my own benefit.
Despite what I replied to you on my thread earlier, it has given her plenty of time to see my changes, that they are permanent and haven't been made to win her back. 2 weeks in and she has finally started to relax more with the situation. I had great advice from Sandi about not fighting for the MBR and choosing what hill to die on.
You could always downplay it, state that it's temporary and then not leave. That's pretty much what I have done, officially it's temporary, but I have no plans to leave again. Luckily I didn't have to bring up the legality of it, I think that would have got her back up. You know what sort of reaction to expect because you have already advised me well.
I hope whatever you choose to do, works out for you bro.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
LBH 47 WW 47, M 15 T 18 D 11 S 14 BD, I moved out (duped) Jan 18 3 yr EA with ex-H discovered: Feb 18 I moved back in: Aug 18 (against her wishes) ...No R No M/C, continued limbo, dropping the rope!
Not so great. I came back home on Friday afternoon. My W had already left the home with the kids, boarded the dogs and had filed a request for hearing to claim I had deserted the family (and a whole litany of baseless accusations to paint me as a potential danger to her and the boys' safety), and asks for immediate divorce on those grounds.
So, I don't know where my kids are and I'm just very shocked, hurt and confused by the over the top, melodramatic show my W is putting on. I don't think the hearing will go down like she is hoping based on my conversations with my own attorney, and it may not even happen at all.
My W called me on Sunday and we spoke for 2 hours. My basic pitch was that we had previously discussed being amicable and taking the mediation route, and that the actions she is taking are not helping anyone - especially the kids. I made clear that I accept her decision to end our relationship and that all I want is to make sure we can cooperate for the kids. She kept trying to steer the conversation back to relationship talk, said she still loves me but doesn't think I can change, etc.; I just kept trying to steer it back to that I accept your decision to D and how we can move forward without making things an ugly fight.
She texted last night that she doesn't think it's a good idea for us to be under the same roof (because she thinks that we'll just interact the same way as we did post BD - which I already know won't be the case from my end) and has secured a place for herself. I don't know how this can be financially viable. I want her to come back to the house with the kids and at least give things some time to show that things can be perfectly amicable for an interim period and that things don't need to be unnecessarily complicated and financially burdensome as it is suddenly becoming. Neither of us can afford lawyers, and my parents helped me retain mine. I believe her aunt and uncle have helped her with hers and will have to help her with being able to afford a second place. I have a solid case for spousal support, but I don't want to keep escalating the situation. It has gone off the rails with the reactionary way my W responded to my coming back home.
At any rate, the last week has been awful. I haven't seen my boys for over a week, school started for them this week and as far as I can guess they're living out of a hotel. She has practically kidnapped them in the sense that she did not inform me that she was taking them anywhere and I have no idea of their whereabouts. I'm trying to keep my head up and I have two in-person interviews tomorrow to try and focus on getting prepared for. But I'm honestly incredibly stressed and frazzled right now.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
Steve, I already have consulted my lawyer and because we have no custody agreement and are still married, nether one of us has more right to custody than the other at the moment and she shouldn't have taken off with them like this.
W has from the beginning of this acted in an entitled way when it comes to the kids and acts as if I require her permission or approval for any time I've spent with them. Basically acting as if as if she has sole custody of them. She does not.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
Hong, I'm certainly no lawyer. But I've read a lot on another forum about it. Highly recommended to keep a journal or a calendar, and document all your time spent with your kids. Places you went, things you did, time spent. Be as specific as possible, even with things like homework, bedtimes, etc. Good luck
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Thanks guys. The hearing for tomorrow is no longer happening. Other than that, no good news to report. I continue to go on job interviews and continue working on bettering myself, but it's getting really hard to keep my head up. There is very little I can point to that I can feel good about right now and as much as I try to remain optimistic about my future, the present is a total s**tshow. I doubt I'll be on here much for a while unless I have something change in my sitch. Good luck to everyone here and whatever happens in your own sitch, I wish you all the best.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
Glad to hear the immediate hearing isn't happening now. I hope things will calm down when some time has passed and she has had time to reconsider her rash decisions. As long as you can stay calm and patient anything could happen in your sitch yet. Hope one of your interviews works out for you.
LBH 47 WW 47, M 15 T 18 D 11 S 14 BD, I moved out (duped) Jan 18 3 yr EA with ex-H discovered: Feb 18 I moved back in: Aug 18 (against her wishes) ...No R No M/C, continued limbo, dropping the rope!
