WAW pt2

[SteveLW]

DR, as in Dr, as in doctor.

[jaylove]

Gotcha

[jaylove]

Journaling

Wife was visited by a family support worker at the start of the week and has been furious with me since. Not surprising really but she has to face the consequences of her actions of the last few years, as my therapist has said - the answer never lies at the bottom of the bottle.
Whatever words my W has said, her actions have been clear - she’s filed the divorce petition, moved out of the family home and only talks to me about matters relating to our children, so while I have been GAL - meeting old friends, working out, spending quality time with the kids, every day I realise that W is going full steam ahead with the divorce.

In the last few days I’ve started to realise that I’m enjoying not having W around, no more treading on egg shells, I can do what I like when I like when she has the kids, yet there’s still a huge hole in my life - I do feel lonely but I really hope I can spend a long period of time without getting into another R and can learn to be happy on my own.
Looking back it’s obvious I started the R with my current wife too early after the death of my first wife - (18 months )
In the past few days a number of friends have asked if my W is having an affair - that would provide an answer to why she’s done what she has done - if it were true then I’m sure it would make me feel even worse than I do already.

I read many of the other threads here and can’t help but wish my W was still living in the same home- at least she might notice the changes I’m making in my life- she inherited a lot of money last September which has given her more choices and the fluidity to pay for a nice house to rent - plus she seems to be spending it and frivolous things so as to avoid it being put into the matrimonial pot when the D gets finalised. Crazy when she says she wants what’s best for the kids - we’re going to need two houses from the one house we have currently.

[petri]

Jay.

Just out of pure curiosity a q for you. What meds is our W on?

[jaylove]

Jay.

Just out of pure curiosity a q for you. What meds is our W on?

Hi
She takes Sertaline (Zoloft) and also Mirtazapine (Remeron) which is also an antidepressant but helps people sleep - W drinks a lot and Mirtazapine doesn’t interact well with alcohol :-/

[petri]

I asume that her mirtazapine dosage is quite small? If used in bigger dosages(over 15mg) it can actually have an opposite reaction if used as a sleeping aid. Sertaline doesn't react quite good with alcohol either. Kind of funny that she has two antidepressants...

I read all of your posts and something just seems off. Like this is not your basic WAW/WW...but keep DBing. That is to keep you and your kids safe.

At one point you had a thought that your W might have NPD. To me it sounds more like a triggered trauma. But that really doesn't matter. You can not help her at the moment. Like everyone has said. Keep on the DB. You got this. You're on a good path already.

[jaylove]

I asume that her mirtazapine dosage is quite small? If used in bigger dosages(over 15mg) it can actually have an opposite reaction if used as a sleeping aid. Sertaline doesn't react quite good with alcohol either. Kind of funny that she has two antidepressants...

I read all of your posts and something just seems off. Like this is not your basic WAW/WW...but keep DBing. That is to keep you and your kids safe.

At one point you had a thought that your W might have NPD. To me it sounds more like a triggered trauma. But that really doesn't matter. You can not help her at the moment. Like everyone has said. Keep on the DB. You got this. You're on a good path already.

Hi Petri
She takes a quarter pill of Mirtazapine and the psychiatrist prescribed it primarily to help her sleep.
I read a thread here about people who have spouses that have been prescribed SSRI’s and how their personalities have completely changed and often ended up in divorce - that would completely explain what’s happened to my W since she started taking Zoloft (we call it Sertraline here in the U.K.) - I almost feel some relief that there is now a plausible explanation about what brought about the drastic change in her.
It only affects 9% of people who take SSRI’s but everything I’ve read (google SSRI divorce pill) is full of stories of people experiencing the same things
Some key quotes I’ve found :


straight from the annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association as reported in the New York Times:

"Now, after years of families being guinea pigs for these drugs, comes the scientific research to show how the drugs actually produce the destruction of relationships that have survived years of many other traumas. The article discusses how they have found a sudden loss in feelings for a mate when using these drugs in marriages over 40 years old - marriages that have survived years of many other traumas."

"The researchers also point to more extreme cases like people who say losing their sex drives caused romantic feelings toward longtime spouses to evaporate suddenly."

“Over time many medicated partners will file for divorce. Not realizing the thing that changed was the delicate balance in their brain caused by the drug. Believing with all their heart and soul that they are in control of their feelings and finally doing what they want in their life.”

“By now you may be thinking if all this is true, then why are they seemingly so happy and content with the new life. The answer to that is simple. It’s because it’s new and never before experienced and because of that it can elicit a Dopamine response when the old ways couldn’t. Not because it’s better, simply because it’s new. “

[petri]

Jay.

In the end it doesn't matter why this happened. I asked the same question for a long time. The main point is, it is happening regardless of the reason. That's why DB is important rihht now. Protect you and your kids. Stay strong buddy! After all of this you'll be a much stronger and better version of you.

[jaylove]

Journaling

Today I got the official court signed divorce petition - kind of hard to see it in black and white but it’s clear where this is heading now.
On Wednesday my wife went to our doctor and told my brother it was for a procedure - which I think was her having her IUD removed - so that could be a sign that there is no affair going on

I’m away in Europe for a few days and it’s crazy how so many things about travelling bring back painful memories of the times W and I travelled together. It’s really such an emotional rollercoaster, I thought I was making progress but in the last few days I’ve been overwhelmed with sadness again.

[petri]

Jay.

That's how it goes. Steps forward and backward. And that's ok. Don't feel bad about it. Stay strong and keep venting on the forum. You got this buddy!