Yes it can be both. In fact, your second description is what feeds the first. Weak and trying to make S happy is what causes the manipulative and passive-aggressive behavior as the NG also tries to get his needs met through that behavior. The trying to make S happy is based on really being nice or love, but on hoping for reciprocation.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
W moved out, still has belongings in the house. Still with OM. Trying to stay NC and GAL. No movement on the D papers. Am working to refinance house and buy her out. I am still hopeful that down the road we could Recon and begin a new R somewhere down the road. Am keeping in contact with her family. Am not encroaching on family events or visiting when she will be around, in fact haven't been to see or talk to her parents since before she moved out at Easter. Hope I am doing the right things to show that I am going to be ok and pave the way for whatever comes in the future. Not sure how long I can wait for her to finish the D.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
I am really sorry, Along. I hope you will be able to look forward, building a new life for yourself. It's not what you wanted, but you must go on and live the best possible way. ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
W moved out, still has belongings in the house. Still with OM. Trying to stay NC and GAL. No movement on the D papers. Am working to refinance house and buy her out. I am still hopeful that down the road we could Recon and begin a new R somewhere down the road. Am keeping in contact with her family. Am not encroaching on family events or visiting when she will be around, in fact haven't been to see or talk to her parents since before she moved out at Easter. Hope I am doing the right things to show that I am going to be ok and pave the way for whatever comes in the future. Not sure how long I can wait for her to finish the D.
along, I will keep you in my prayers my friend. I know you were dreading this, but maybe the shine will wear off of the OM now, and she will realize how much better she had it with you.
On the D, from what I have learned from the experts here is that she probably won't move it forward, that will be left to you. So it is really up to you when you decide to really move forward and put the MR behind you.
I am hoping for the best for you. Keep the GAL, it is the best way to move forward.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Update, Not much happening on the D. W came over yesterday to get some more things. she didn't take a whole lot. I noticed her loving on the dog and I could tell that something was bothering her. Immediately after the dog she headed to her truck and said see ya. she was crying, but trying to make sure that I didn't see. I knew she would miss the dog and I think it was sinking in. I have started to read No More Mr. Nice Guy and I am seeing some of the things I do being described, but I don't see myself fitting into either one of his 2 types rather a bit of each. I plan on implementing as many of the strategies as possible.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
along, I am sure it was emotional for her when she moved out too. I remember when my wife and I were dating, she lived an hour away. She got a new job near me and we moved her to an apartment close to mine. When we were moving her out of her apartment she started to cry. I asked he what was wrong and she said it was sad to leave even though she was excited for her new future.
I imagine she was emotional about moving out, and she will probably be emotional each time she comes to get things or to see the dog. Is it a good sign? It is definitely better than her being indifferent towards all of it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
she was crying, but trying to make sure that I didn't see. I knew she would miss the dog and I think it was sinking in.
Don't read too much into it. WAS's often express grief. LBS's often misinterpret it as regret but it usually isn't. Regret may come later, but not this soon. She knows she's putting you through misery and she's not happy about the whole thing herself, so that's what the crying is about. But she still feels like she's doing the right thing.
she was crying, but trying to make sure that I didn't see. I knew she would miss the dog and I think it was sinking in.
Don't read too much into it. WAS's often express grief. LBS's often misinterpret it as regret but it usually isn't. Regret may come later, but not this soon. She knows she's putting you through misery and she's not happy about the whole thing herself, so that's what the crying is about. But she still feels like she's doing the right thing.
I am not trying to read anything into the emotions she was having. I know that she believes she is doing the right thing and that things are and will be better with the OM. This is still so fresh I mean its just 2 weeks since she moved out. I am trying to get the house put together and get to work on the outside and refinancing the house at the same time that my job is beginning to get busy. Its a struggle to keep from coming home and just sit in from of the TV for the rest of the evening.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
Want to run this by everyone. I have been reading No More Mr. Nice Guy and have been thinking about having a discussion with my W where I tell her that I am angry about this whole thing. That I am angry about how she disrespected me and our marriage. I want to acknowledge that I have been acting like a wimpy little boy instead of being a man and that I think she needs to make other arrangements for the horses and trailer. I feel like if I can do this then I am on my way to getting my balls back. What do you experts on here think about this?
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
