Question. Suppose you catch your W in a lie, vis-a-vie "believe nothing that you hear and only half of what you see". Here's my question, "when do you confront or should you even confront?"
Question. Suppose you catch your W in a lie, vis-a-vie "believe nothing that you hear and only half of what you see". Here's my question, "when do you confront or should you even confront?"
Im curious to know why she is still willing to possibly go to marriage therapy with you during divorce proceedings? Has she shown signs of reconciliation?
I am totally mr nice guy. And I stuff it instead of fighting back. This weak person has to go. Today, my wife ask for more money to split incidentals for kids. But these are expenses that I would have said no. An now she expects me to split them. Seriously? But, as of today, my answer is going to be, no I can’t. And I really can’t anyway. She will have to just stop funneling money to her mom, which is what she has been doing.
Our relationship started as a 3 year friendship. We used to laugh together and go camping, eat and go to the movies while we were dating and engaged. One of the main reasons I married Wife because of our friendship. After dating for 3months, we were engaged for 6 months and then married.
How do you think you went from that to a loveless, sexless marriage? I'm sure you've explored that in MC but maybe you could give us the condensed version. It helps to understand why you are here. Also, why do you want to save your M? Serious question, not many people would want to try to salvage a dead M when there's been no kissing for 10 (!!!!!) years and no sex for 3.
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We could never go to counseling unless her conditions were met. ie-confess everything you’ve done, and then we can go.
So she thinks you've wronged her in some way, was there an affair or something?
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During this time, I cracked. I had an affair.
Ah, OK. So I guess she knows about it? How long ago was it? Have things been poor ever since, IE the relationship never really recovered from it?
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Because of my spiritual beliefs, I don’t condone divorce. Nor do I want to destroy my family.
I understand that, but on the other hand you have to consider what your core beliefs are deep down inside. Do you think you should sacrifice your happiness and your w's happiness out of some notion of religious devotion? Does that feel right, like what God would want. Is that what is best for your children, being raised by two sexless, loveless parents.
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We tried to go to a marriage counselor this weekend. Didn’t work out. The counselor was not marriage friendly. I found another that is mor marriage friendly and now W says she doesn’t want to go.
Then don't. It's really too late for that. You need to let go of her and work on yourself.
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I think the hardest thing I’m going thru right now is loneliness, being alone in my house when there is normally 5 people here.
I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it flat out hurts. It'll hurt for a while. Just hang in there and take life day by day.
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I am totally mr nice guy. And I stuff it instead of fighting back. This weak person has to go.
Was "No More Mister Nice Guy" one of the books you read by chance? It's a good one.
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Today, my wife ask for more money to split incidentals for kids. But these are expenses that I would have said no. An now she expects me to split them. Seriously? But, as of today, my answer is going to be, no I can’t. And I really can’t anyway. She will have to just stop funneling money to her mom, which is what she has been doing.
How you all deal with this stuff?
It depends, in my case my XW was quite reasonable so if she approached me about splitting costs on something it was usually justified and I agreed to it. But man, some of the guys here are dealing with witches that flew out of the pits of hell that make completely unreasonable demands. Sometimes you have to get your L and/ or an intermediary service involved to stop the madness.
How do you think you went from that to a loveless, sexless marriage? I'm sure you've explored that in MC but maybe you could give us the condensed version. It helps to understand why you are here. Also, why do you want to save your M? Serious question, not many people would want to try to salvage a dead M when there's been no kissing for 10 (!!!!!) years and no sex for 3.
From what I’ve discovered, unresolved marriage issues and my stonewalling is what I think. Add in the 3 kids, a few job changes, her complex ptsd because of sexual abuse and emotional abuse by sister and Mom....it was the perfect storm.
Why would I want to save it? Every read any Shakespeare? The timing of the shrew? (Trying to be funny, but I’m not) because actually it’s what got me into the place to begin with. I’m reading nmmng and I am crying and laughing at the same time…..where has this book been all my life? It explains all of my female relationships since high school. Or even Sandi2? Anyways, hope this makes sense
